Eulogy For a Fly - Part Two

(continued from PART ONE) Why I’ve seen him countless times, regurgitate old dog faeces onto fresh bread And listened to his quiet voice exhorting me to do the same. This fly was a born teacher. There can be no greater accolade for a teacher than to be followed by his students. He used basic good common sense, but spiced-up with a dash of excitement. The well-known excrement-with-fried-egg, the easy-to-recognize urine-flavoured Chips in the gutter, and the now commonplace saliva-over-spoon trick, Are today almost standard delicacies for us all. Yet it was Hector who pioneered them. He ignored the scorn and catcalls from younger flies, as he disdained a baby’s diaper In some trash can, and went winging his way up to the second floor of the hospital To select the juiciest old blood he could find. No - Hector was independent, he was truly his own fly. He stuck with pioneering ideas like the then-untested skid techniques For escaping fly-swatters wielded in kitchens. It was Hector’s brave soul Which brought standardized fly-patrols into being to catch a greater proportion of Unsuspecting open-mouthed sleepers at night. Uncle Hector went where no fly had gone before, and he did it with style. He often said,“If you can make it on this heap of cat-dung, you can make it anywhere” And there’s the lesson for us all today, ladies and gentlemen. Let us not grieve for the loss of such a fine fly, but rather Celebrate his life of discovery and progress. Let us go forth from this cat-crap To a brighter future illuminated by the searching curiosity of Uncle Hector’s mind. Younger generation, you must go forth boldly and find your own rotten cucumbers, Your own half-eaten porkchops, your own dandruff-laden combs, And be not afraid to mix them with relish as you choose from the delicacies Of the knacker’s yard or the remains of a crow hit by a ten-ton truck on the road. We stand - or hover - now in silence for one minute, as a token of respect - And as we enjoy the gentle aroma of this cat-crap heap, Allow the memory of Hector to inspire us. God bless you all.