Long Schnoz Poems

Trumpeting future mercurial villain of history

Predicated on his paying obese sense
to Ronald McDonald patron saint
buzzfeeding his pie hole
courtesy "two Big Macs, Fillet-O-Fish
and a chocolate malted,"
he hungrily nabbed the ?Tuesday,
November 5, 2024? election
ofttimes series of unfortunate...

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Recurrent sneezing fit courtesy freshly mowed grass

circa June 20th, 2022
prompted me to stutter 
self addressed rapid fire gesundheit
nsync with, spluttering
“I don't have any allergies!”

An infinitesimal slight speck tickled 
nostril follicle – activated via an itty...

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Friendliness equals self sustaining positive feedback fruit loop

My humble apology
for inducing thee
to manure yourself 
thru figurative following poop,
best flushed down the toilet 
of the behavioral sink
why yours truly wretchedly reaches out
cuz I never experienced popularity...

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An infinitesimal slight speck tickled 
nostril follicle – activated via an itty 
bitty, nitty gritty dirt band noah bigger 
than a mole luck yule set in motion a 
chain reaction, whence mine sensitive 
proboscis honker...

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The cows is lowin' in the old corral and all the evenin' chores is done.
Hank scraped the manure off'n his boots 'cause he's a fastidious son-of-a-gun.
He drew his pay, jumped in his pickup and headed...

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I felt his little wrinkled nose pressing through the snow, just when I thought I was all alone, under this lovely quilt so bright. I’m tougher than I look; I can be broken. Let the...

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Jingle bells
and reindeer smells -- 
note to Mrs. Clause: 

before Eve-trip, to reduce
scent and slip, no beer
and sardines for Rudolph!

That damn Guiding Red-nose
needs to find other fuel for
his radiant beam-glows! (takes a lot
to piss-off Santa)
...

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Dear Miss Monkey Manners, I’m in need of your advice,
My boyfriend is a swinger and he isn’t very nice.
I’m a Proboscis Monkey so I exhibit a very prominent schnoz.
And the proposition that he put to...

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Thinking of girls in my life back then
Searching for beauty was no use
I'm sure one was from a horror movie
She possessed the appeal of a moose!

Promised I wouldn't mention names
But her first initial is Thelma
Had...

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Since time immemorial, or so I've heared,
   Mankind has struggled to tame his beard.
Was it Adam who imposed upon us this atrocious curse?
   (I reckon I could sport a beard but...

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Thinking of girls in my life back then
Searching for beauty was no use
I'm sure one was from a horror movie
She possessed the appeal of a moose!

Promised I wouldn't mention names
But her first initial was Thelma
Had...

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THE FATE OF FUTURE

A romp of childhood, descending my steep driveway, to the bus.
My urgent path lit dimly, filled with compacted snow, shoveled

with steel blades. I wearing a woolen coat, always late.
Still on time, before...

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At seventy-plus years, my noggin is a barren landscape
that once grew a thick crop of chestnut hair.
And yet, some scattered strands of grey
still sprout, here and there, above a fussy hedge
edging my closely cropped terrain.
Proceed...

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“What exactly are you?” “I don’t normally ask, but here we are.”
“I am, how do you say in earthling? I am your favorite martian.”
“What big ears, I mean antennas you have! Do they hurt?”
“Only when...

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Willy, the Rat Terrier

He nibbles on my nose.
Why? Heaven only knows!
Each tooth feels like a pin.
I need much thicker skin!
Yet Willy, the rat terrier,
could not be any merrier.
After a bath or stroll
he sprints around the...

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(I'll call him Frosty the Snowperson to be politically correct;

So as to placate sensitive souls, I must be quite circumspect!)

Now that that matter is settled, his ice skating caper I'll relate,

With all the circumstances that...

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