Dickens' Other Christmas Story

Jingle bells and reindeer smells -- note to Mrs. Clause: before Eve-trip, to reduce scent and slip, no beer and sardines for Rudolph! That damn Guiding Red-nose needs to find other fuel for his radiant beam-glows! (takes a lot to piss-off Santa) It was a foul dilemma: Every time Dancer, Donner and Blitzen rose, Santa was forced to awkwardly stretch and pinch each tortured, dutiful nose; poor deer, eyes stinging and runny (not the least bit funny) (Rudolph laughing like a ridiculous fool) (Santa thinking, next year, to take his place, perhaps a levitating green-schnoz mule) fumes causing the team to terribly blink -- every inch higher, a half inch lower the sled would breathlessly sink -- Note to Mrs. Clause: especially disallow, one last huge, gulp for the long cold road -- that parting toast proved particularly disastrous to Santa's precious gift load, when the old saint paused to light his pipe: Rudolf let loose with one extraordinarily ripe -- when the match was struck, ignited the night, flaming presents needing no additional lift to literally take brilliant flight -- A Christmas to remember when Rudolf went on a Sardine, Beer Bender.