Long Recovery from...people Poems
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I was thinking today
That in itself
Is a very scary thought
About all the people who
Crisscross +++++++++++++
Through our lives
Some of these people
Without any doubt
Are just people we want something from
Or
People who want something from us
And once that need is gone
So are they
Then there are other people
That we know forever
But wish we had never met
And lets not forget
The ones we only met once
Wish we would know forever
But never see again
Well this isn’t about any of them
This is about
The people
We loved and lost
But never should have
Please know that the love I’m speaking of is friendship
Our friends define who we are
More than anything else
In life
My best friend and I
Haven’t spoken
In now on 15 years
In all honesty
That is my fault
It is also one of the worse mistakes
That I ever made
I was so hurt
The hurt brought anger
The anger brought action
And it all happened so fast
Soon as I did it, I felt so ashamed
I think his father could see that in my eyes
The whole family was a part of my heart
Dennis was my best friend
Judy was my girlfriend
Kristin, Jeffery & Haley were my step-kids
Dale was my younger brother
Jack & Joy were Mom & Dad
We had all known each other
Since I was knee high
I learned a valuable lesson that day
I learned that no matter how strong love is
How many years of foundation it may have
Addiction will destroy it
--- It’s the nature of the business ---
When coming to,
and arriving in,
Cali,
August of 2008,
I felt like a refugee.
Seeking a city of refuge,
Sacramento,
wondering if my healing would be allowed here.
Healing from inflicted damages,
from over 10 years of
vast and extreme traumas,
that should never have been allowed.
Trauma upon trauma,
and the multifarious abuses,
along with the insults and mockery that they added to the injuries.
Spiritually and emotionally
wounded and sliced the freak up,
physically...huhhh...
Seeking the balance,
the stability,
that that hell-hole screwed off.
Seeking so much more,
humane treatment to start with;
I have since been disappointed,
many times.
Seeking a decent atmosphere,
other than just when around family,
or at a few bars,
where the people are far better than most...
Should have already been working
at a full time job,
for an employer that doesn't demean
and tread upon employees.
Should have already been renting
my own apartment,
a place of my own...
A place to settle in,
to decorate to my comfort,
and possibly, to feel at home...
Like I actually expect to ever feel at home again,
considering what all those beeches did,
to me and my children,
in our own home.
And how the police would never protect us,
never let me press charges against the trespassers,
and how the "human services"
were unimaginably inhumane as hell...
How inhumane people
can be in places of authority or position,
much less, have awesome reputations,
is backwards as hell.
As my Babies' Daddy used to say,
"What's really goin on?"
And how could such foul-ass bs be allowed?
And who the hell do they think they are?
That they believe they can hurt people
for their enjoyment,
from their self-superiorness,
or from their malicious motives?
And be in the right?
Form:
Recovery may be needed after going through many difficult storms,
Dysfunction can be performed in many different forms,
Some may cope with drugs,
Others may suffer from the impact of a child never being hugged,
Many work so much they never stand still,
While others simply get stressed out and take several pills,
Some overeat to stuff their emotions down,
While others partake in getting drunk when no one else is around,
Some are less subtle and may secretly self-abuse,
Cutting, picking and inflicting pain hiding all they bruise
Some get into bad relationships because of low self-esteem,
While others live a life where all they do is constantly clean,
Whatever you need recovery from its important to know you’re not alone,
Many people are stuck in cycles and never have been shown,
They forget to be honest with themselves and those who truly care,
Afraid that they will be judged, pointed at and never be repaired,
Many live in bondage all alone inside,
Spend their existence always having to hide,
So many people would be saved from an early grave,
If we learned in life to stop and listen,
Find out what we are really missing,
Some people won’t seem to budge
We forget to let God be the real judge,
Embrace a friend or even a stranger
Help someone that’s in some sort of danger,
The power of just one person embracing others,
Can change the world for another.
By: sabina
Gratitude
--------
desperate madness, and aching sadness once held me tight
now, unexplainable memories, NOT unendurable, that's right
time went on, and beautiful love shone through
between quivering me, and radiant you
now, these eyes see quite a bit clearer
shadows faded as the sun drew nearer
darkness shrank away, and the fog lifted
as objectives grew longer, viewpoints have shifted
the man you once knew, has changed
i was wrapped up in self, blindly deranged
swallowed by fear, and lost within sin
like Jonas, from these depths i'll rise again
cast out, from the beast to the shore
slowly drying, crying, " I will swim no more!"
warmer blood, faster flowing, melts the ice in my veins
i realize where i've been, and discard his chains
set free again, each and every day
to enjoy the world in a new way
not watching for the axe to fall
or adding another brick to the wall
i see people in a new light, through God above
reformed with help and hope, renewed through love
" i thank you all, for being there
because now i know that people care
and my heart swells with gratitude
for each one of the multitude"
stanzas in parentheses are dated, at this point, people suck!
Lookin' back now to where I've been
I've walked beside the "infamous" to the bloody end
I seen the criminal commit the crime
I did my share and did my time
I led Satan's people straight to the gates of hell
I fed off the scum at the bottom of the well
Just to be awaken in reality's grip drenched in sweat
Yet I can't honestly say that I have a single regret
I made it from the depths of despair to what some may call the top of the world
I've been everything from the "low-life" to the lost girl
Yet I had to walk the line
Decide which path to leave behind
They say there is no hope for the one smokin' dope
I beg to disagree
What about me
In life it be not about what you've done
People care not where you're from
Can't live by what you once were
Can't hide behind fear of what may occur
Release the sorrow
Live like there is no tomorrow
Stand up for your destiny
It takes more than the truth to set you free
a day of tears and broken spirits
spent on the floor in
frustration and no commmication
blame, causes and denial
tired of the lectures and accusations
the guilt and confusion
years spent thinking that i had to give everything to have people care
dinners, money, time
everything has been for the keeping of the peace
the status quo
don't understand why everything broke
family torn apart
freindships with conditions
unconitional love that was not there when needed
hurt and confusion
never meant to keep things from people just tried to keep things separate
would never endanger those i love
truly believe that it was my duty to help a sick person
but am learning to realize
it cannot happen if i lose everything that is me.
years spent giving in
years spent not speaking up
years spent keeping peace at all costs
there are doors that are closed in me
walls concrete and fortresses built
around places and people in my past
that i want to never again see
there is a pain in me that's never healed
i have wounds that are yet to be sealed
wounds i believe and hope time works on
wounds i wont let mine eyes look upon
atimes images from time flash raw and plain
snatches of people breaking me with swords
quarrels and screams from my past worlds
but BAM! the Trojan walls come up once again
i never ever want to open these doors
never want to visit those rough shores
i refuse to cry and hurt all over again
with mine eyes closed, time heals my pain