Long Pard Poems

It's hard to believe it has been nine years
since my brother delivered each box.
They all seemed to hold a special key,
mysteries and memories to unlock.
 
My Dad had lived a mostly happy life,
and I remember him...

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Limericks IX



Scratch-n-Sniff
by Michael R. Burch

The world’s first antinatalist limerick?

Life comes with a terrible catch:
It’s like starting a fire with a match.
Though the flames may delight
In the dark of the night,
In the end what remains from...

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Limericks VIII plus one Lead-In Poem



Updated Advice to Amorous Bachelors
by Michael R. Burch

At six-thirty,
feeling flirty,
I put on the hurdy-gurdy ...

But Ms. Purdy,
all alert-y,
kicked me where I’m sore and hurty.

The moral of my story?
To avoid a...

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“...But you are my wife, and I made a vow,
even though I was a half-drunk young lout,
you belong by my side, and I by yours,
the rest of it we’ll somehow figure out.”

She still looked pale,...

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Farewell old pard, I write this letter to you. Well, I guess I’ll saddle up and ride out with my new pard, he’s only a colt at three.
He’s a real beauty, a real eye pleaser...

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He was my friend and he lay dying
All alone, just me and him
But I knew no one could help him now
Because life's thread was getting thin

I'd built a campfire out of deadwood
Wrapped him in his...

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The little boy threw down his hat
And marched right from the room—
The TV on with nightly news
Of murder, muggings and doom.

The grandpa called out to the hall,
“What’s the matter lil’ pard?
Come back in here and...

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In this complex box of world, 
compact box of world, 
where all are jumbled – fumbled,
where the mightier reign their voice, 
others adore their choice,
how? how can I guide you to nail   
a...

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 Continued from Part 1 

Matt Dillon chases Jack LaLane
Around a roller derby lane
I think I need some more cocaine,
So please don’t ever come back Shane

I try to walk another street
When me and Walter Cronkite...

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I'm on my way to a different day 
A day of long ago. 
Where the buffalo roam 
And the long horns groan 
As down the trail they go. 

There isn't much time for them to...

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                                  ...

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I reckon to us city dudes an' ordinary blokes it seems somewhat strange,
But a cowpoke an' his horse become pards when ridin' the lonely range!
Pausin' fer a roll-yer-own under a ponderosa after a hot ride...

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They planted Hank 'neath a lonesome pine when he came to the end of the trail.
Angels ushered him to the Great Beyond and through that Mysterious Veil.
Saint Peter greeted him, sayin', "I've been a-hankerin' to...

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We’ve shared the trail, kicked up some dust,
An’ stood a storm or two.
We’ve rode the plains, the wide frontier,
The easy trails were few.
You’ve listened like some wise old sage
To ever thing I’ve said,
An’ as a...

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Two old cowpokes were reminiscing about the olden days,
Comparing thoughts about the way things are nowadays.
Spending the afternoon guzzling beer at the local saloon,
Chawing terbaccy aiming near misses at the brass spitoon!

"Well, they is even...

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When that alarm clock goes off 'fore dawn's crack
And you pull your achin' bones from the sack--
Then you start havin' you some real doubt,
If this way of livin's what life's about.

So you eat cold bread...

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‘Round the bunkhouse and corral—
Seven years old, without sin—
My yeller dog was my pal—
It seemed summer would not end.

The warm days went by fast—
It was time for me to wean—
The good things just do not...

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I tried to hide it from my mom,
I did not want her mad at Dad;
But I’d sneak his Wild West Weekly
On every single chance I had.
They were Daddy’s small indulgence
These stories of the old wild...

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(continued)

It had been over ten years since Dad passed away—
Stood lookin’ at the stranger, didn’t know what to say.
Dad never told us much ‘bout his life out on the range,
But he did mention his best...

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When the mortgage comes due
And you ain’t got a dime
And the new calf turns blue
As you’re wipin’ ‘way slime…

And the pond’s all dried up
From this dang five-year drought,
And your dog had twelve pups
While your wife’s...

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Said Hank to his pard, "I reckon we took a wrong turn back yonder!
How we ended up in this here gawd awful place I'll ferever ponder."

"Ya shoulda listened to me when we come to that...

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(Written as a tribute and based on the poem “The Guy in the Glass” or more commonly 
known as “The Man in the Glass” by Peter “Dale” Wimbrow.)

When you herd in those cattle and finish...

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You say you need a strong foundation, my friend? 
On a god or guru, you cannot depend.
It is empty and false, and I beg your pard,  
But, it will all fall down just like...

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Pleae tell me how to get home
Which way does this old trail bend
Had a little drink with some fellers I know
And I lost my way my friend

I have rode this way before
Still it don't look...

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Claude were you tired that night
Of the slashes from life you’d born
Or the effort it took
And the ruts you’d worn

Did you sigh and quietly go away
Or groan and curse and fight to stay

It doesn’t matter...

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