Long Pain dark Poems
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Searing pain rips through my chest,
As I slip on the painted green stairs,
Running from something I’m not sure
Too afraid to stop, to turn my head.
My heart races, my head throbbing,
If I could just take a deep breath,
To cleanse my soul and refresh,
Where is this dark building I’m in.
Lying in warmth I move my hand,
Red covers me, flowing down the steps,
A peaceful calm envelopes as I view
My Dad with open arms waiting for me.
He is standing now, out of his wheelchair,
Smiling with his crooked grin so sweet,
The pain ebbs and happiness grows
Then I wake again to the dark emptiness.
Written September 23, 2012
For Francine Robert’s contest
“In Dreams”
Poems request that I be authentic.
I am unsure my pen can take it.
I live life as an emotional sayer,
but should I now reveal each layer
my blood will spill upon this paper.
I have sought to give life tender smiles
while enduring heart wrenching trials.
I have glued events found fragile
into some matter I can handle.
I have not once run or pretended,
or taken pain and tried to bend it,
for one truth grew – my Father sent it.
To have peace, I must befriend it
or, God forgive, I must end it.
One small second is all powerful
and all it took to destroy all I knew.
It did not eclipse past tears lived thru,
but forever altered pain’s known hue.
Here I am, at the mid-century mark
searching out a new life for my heart.
Such desires are not easily caught.
The universe bruised, we constantly fought.
Life injures, it will hurt and blister.
Then there is joy, the sweetest kisser,
and for that I am still prompted on,
longing for fear-notes to leave my song.
Sadness revealed my spiritual soul,
took it thru hell to achieve its goal.
Each hurt is a small grain of my total pain,
so raw and brave behind my human name.
When the heart falls
from a great height
heavily burdened
Heaven is blinded
beyond karma's sake
where only the victim
remains truly denied vision
Begging mercy holds
love soulfully touching
within a deafening silence
burning fire aches inside hate
Walking into the desert oasis
of one soul putting on shoes
of another's hurt exposed
Sorrow enters with grief stricken sadness
as this world turns upside down madness
pain dark side unpleasant place
God forsaken feelings dwell hopeless
cast as meaningless without hope
with excuses to match each strike
the game played out perfect
Lost in each living teardrop exposed
precious holding crystal memories
diamonds splashing clear
soaked by beauty kissed
Salted remains cherished
helps expose true loyalties gift
opens doors to ungrateful grit
The hidden truth has a voice
speaks within your guilt under toned
there it hides behind a mask blinded
playing someone for the fool
Machine gun heart riddled with shades of grey.
A mind once sharpened by your own forked tongue.
Lovers' lips part with rumbles of a cannon.
Dew licked satin sheets - the highway to carnal desire.
Silhouettes of freshly washed skin dance in the night.
Passion rising like the souls of the departed.
Where do you sleep after your thirst is quenched?
Where do you go when your high knows no bounds?
Unfiltered needs not being met;
A fire put out before the gasoline burns off.
Passionate nights followed by cool seduction.
A waterfall of your essence coating my tongue.
Decisions made in a moment of yearning.
Your lack of understanding - my constant battle.
Why can't you listen instead of just hear?
I will free my enslaved exuberance,
since you can't be bothered.
Blow out the candle and climb into bed.
One of these days you'll get what you want.
And one of these days I'll learn that I won't.
The prison I was kept in was small, dark and wet
I didn’t know how I got there or how long I would stay
Yet I had a sense of comfort and felt I’d be okay
And didn’t have the courage to escape from it quite yet
I could hear voices around me in a language I did not know
The space was getting smaller with every passing day
My anxiety was reaching a crescendo to finally be on my way
And something innate inside me was urging me to go
Through a dark and narrow passage I started my way to squeeze
Screams of pain and anguish echoed through my head
Somehow I felt that my leaving to another’s pain had lead
As I continued through the tunnel; first my head and then my knees
A rush of cold air and bright lights made me release a cry of joy
Being helped now by others to pull me from my cell
Free to unbend and stretch and let out a healthy yell
As they handed me to my mother saying, “Congratulations, it’s a boy”
How did all this begin
How did this illness start
When I was being torn to pieces
Or when I was completely ripped
apart
Everyday being consumed with intense unrelenting sadness
Not understanding why pushed me
further into madness
As my mental health continued to
quickly decline
Dark clouds rolled in the sun just
wouldn’t shine
These overpowering emotions I just
couldn’t control
Every bit of hope I once had they had
entirely stole
Emotional overload was bursting out
at the seams
The deafening sound of my own
internal tortured screams
Overwhelmed broken and knocked
down to my knees
This depression of mine will surely be
my fatal disease