Long Lifeme Poems
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Homeward Path 11/08 Roger M. Landry
Wise men say, stay out of the fray,
And perhaps that is logical, and even soundly psychological.
They advise, do not go my son into the dark wood; you will only come to no good.
And I ask, if the road is less traveled, it will leave me baffled?
The trail in the forest tall could it leave me feeling forever small?
Alone, will I not even hear the sound of the stately tree’s fall?
In my craven travels, shall I perhaps see the pellucid pillars of heaven seven,
Or experience the depraved depths of perdition?
But, what if there is no one there to tell?
No singing angels, or laughing demons from hell.
Shall I be weary of my iconoclastic dreams?
Because, in my youth, I had magic visions of being the princely toad,
Of crossing elegantly the paved road to fame.
However, carrion birds now read, feed on my bloody entrails strewn along the lane.
Now, I only wake up in the fevered night, no princess to soothe my stifled screams.
Beaten and torn, shall I become the salacious stripper of old?
That, with nagging words, expresses my vulnerable, and sagging soul.
Like a lost muse, shall the tiger burning bright, in the forest of the night,
Become my one and only frightful and guiding light?
I can see quite far from the gritty solitude of a lofty mountain.
But, would rather sit with my smiling children by a bubbling fountain,
Have someone park my expensive car,
Or sip beer, with friends, in a quaint neighborhood bar.
Going on a shopping spree and wearing designer clothes,
I think, is superior than to society loathe.
To have opulent gold is better than writing poetry in poverty, wouldn’t you agree?
Or, would it be better if I contemplate my fate, eternally alone, under a frigid night star,
While I pluck loose strings on an out of tune guitar?
They say that if you favor the glacier-blue, the flavor will get inside of you.
Now that I have made enough bad choices, because of those niggling internal voices,
I am eternally lost, my mind unloosing in a wilderness of my own choosing.
Like a pharaoh, I know there is a divine treasure in my head,
But, I work and work, feel dead, and just can’t get out of bed.
The road has its own agenda, to which I know my heart must surrender,
Therefore, I shall curb my shameful wrath,
And trust that my soul knows its homeward path.
Form:
A Life in a Day
Alarms pull me from my sleeping
The demand of their incessant routine undermining
The peaceful thoughtless dreaming
Where for a time I had forgotten
Everything
And like a vulture perched upon my pillow
Squawks all the separate memories to peck with their reminders
To myself of me
And while the daybreak has hardly broken
And while the dark room still conceals them
They invade my blood and bones
To return me to their isolation
As I lay there trying hard to think of something else
Still no one sleeps beside me
Their is no one to hear the resignation of my sigh
As my fathers name upon my lips
Is spat to a distance I can forget
And shoved closed the door and close my mind
So from the water risen and from the mirror no recognition
And from televised news no compassion
While I whisper some conversation to a girlfriend I once new
And think the stupid ***** still does not have a clue
No mercy for the human condition
As daybreak is about to be broken
For the support of mere flesh and entertainment
I frequent the hours I sell for money in return
Then as I stretch beneath my sheet
And my children’s faces swim through my head
All the lost years that lay between them
All the moments we never had
Return me once again to my isolation
From the darkness of a lovers hair
From the soft contours of her breasts
In the urgent and breathless moan
All the girls that I have had and known
This sweetness of togetherness becomes an acid made honey
Another broken back on which to sleep
Another collected offense for me to keep
In the silence of the questions they never asked themselves
Still no one sleeps beside me
Their is no one to hear the resignation of my sigh
As my fathers name upon my lips
Is spat to a distance I can forget
And shoved closed the door and close my mind
How this will end is not clear to me
The day has just begun
And the existence of the remains of life in a continuum
I have not yet lifted my head
Not bathed the sleep from my eyes
The blink of dawn has yet to offer me its usual compromise
In the comfort and the certainty of isolations open arms
And isolation has its charms
Alarms pull me from my sleeping
The demand of their incessant routine undermining
The peaceful thoughtless dreaming
Where for a time I had forgotten
Everything
Pain once made my brain lame, but like a song says "im trading my shame"
In return I recieve Gods Kingdom and reign.
When feeling faint, I make an attempt at Holiness.
It seems that only you can take away this lonliness.
Focus my mind, change my heart. I no longer have to play a part.
No mask on the outside, No emptiness inside.
Ive got some things to decide but theres no need to hide!
I once knew a place so dark and deep. I stayed up for weeks under a bridge i could not
leave.
Its an evil you cannot see. Now its joy that I seek. Im changing gradually.
Progress is slow but its a miracle that its happening.
Its a miracle that Im laughing!
At one time I couldnt smile. A secret double life that was built on denial.
Now when I face trial, my eyes will look like gold!
For the simple fact that im finally coming home!
There was a blue sky outside but there was tears in my eyes,
when my good friend overdosed. At 16 he died.
From then I got worse. I would use anything, even if it was dirt.
Guity conscience? How about no conscience!!
My mind was gone, I had lost it!!
As far as emotions go, I know nothing about them. I'll be damned if im not learning
though.
And self control. I need to man up and handle it so I continue to grow.
Once my story is told I pray you see hope!
There is no future in alcohol and dope!
To the bottom of a bottle, it goes quite quick.
Its pretty disgusting how I make myself sick.
But things are starting to click.
Im not running out on this even when I start to trip!
Life is worth it! With the right attitude I see things perfect. We deserve it!
A life full of love. Ive found peace that is sent from above.
I once was caught in the depths of isolation.
I still struggle with the same situation.
Life is no mystery! Its crystal clear to me!
I abandoned the fear in me and now I am free!
Anxiety is like a spirit that haunts me in my dreams.
I cried out to my God and he heard my pleas.
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing to do.
I put it in perspective, now I live by it dude!
Complacency has eaten me and beaten me.
The streets know my name by memory.
Concrete is unforgiving. I am a member of the living but society had a fear of me.
I follow good examples like the men with experience.
They show me that theyre doing it but also that theyre living it!!!!
Time wasted.
Time gone.
Alone and empty with nothing to show.
I look down at my hands.
Their empty, red, so much potential, these hands.
Coulda created the world,
coulda destroyed it.
How much have they done?
if they could tell stories….
if they could tell, what they almost had accomplished.
The dreams they started to fulfill
the evils they had committed.
These hands that brought both good and bad.
Time wasted.
Time gone.
The sun sets.
This time it will not rise.
It is bound by a number
it reached the end.
Life flashes by me as if scenery pass a train
blurring as it hurdles past.
Only a mix of colors
a painting left in the rain.
And like it now, there is only an empty canvas left.
Nothing on it
nothing to show.
Time wasted.
Time gone.
I look at my hands.
Did they bring me to this place?
Did they lead me here?
Oh the things they felt
soft skin of a girl, smooth, warm
The comfort of a fire.
The fur of a kitten.
The gritty sand of a vast desert.
They didn’t need light to see the rough walls in a cavern.
But what does it matter.
They cant tell their tale.
It’s a secret that will pass with them.
But they helped me wipe away tears.
They helped pull me up mountains.
They’ve ran down six strings to create beauty.
They’ve written out words that have poured out my insides.
Now they try to grasp the wind that’s blowing me away.
Opening and closing.
I look down
their still empty.
They never held a pen that signed a country into being.
They never felt the steel that won a war.
They never held a newborn baby with hands like his
only smaller.
They never signaled commands to vast crowds.
They never brought someone from the brink of death.
They never had scars made from nails.
They’ve had cuffs around their wrists though.
They’ve shaken from fear.
They’ve clenched in rage.
They’ve felt as dry as bones bleached in the desert.
They’ve fumbled and dropped things
things that weren’t made to be broken.
They’ve left bruises and blood.
They’ve grasped my heart
trying to hold it together as it burst apart.
They’ve covered my eyes at things I could not bare.
These hands
now empty
now cold.
Time gone.
Time wasted.
I cannot wait any longer.
Hearing your screams will not suffice.
I must see your pain.
I must see your blood.
A single dirty bulb flickers to life
Hanging from a rusted chain
Beneath a water-stained ceiling.
Its dim light finally allows me to view
The terror in your wide, pleading eyes.
The silk of my gloved hand
Slips from the aged light switch
As I move slowly from my place
In the frame of the heavy, bolted door.
You plead for salvation.
I plan your demise.
I stalk toward you.
The layer of dirt on the stone floor
Does little to dampen the imposing echo of my boots.
It is your death march,
For with me, I bring your end.
With every step, your screams lessen.
And as I stand above you now,
You can do nothing but whimper.
And stammer out calls to God.
No.
You pray to me now.
These are my hands that hold your life.
And I must say that your crimson essence
looks so lovely contrasted upon my white gloves.
But I do promise
That you will see your god soon.
For a moment, I admire the scarlet mess
That you have managed to create on my table.
I recall that the others didn’t struggle nearly as so.
They were a disappointment.
I quite enjoy watching you squirm,
Slipping over your own spilt blood.
But there’s so much more inside you
Dying for release.
Are you afraid to die?
Do not worry… I’ll go slow.
You will have plenty of time to accept your fate.
And in the end, you will beg for it.
A rusty metal box lies in wait beneath your table
And I bend down to retrieve it.
Your fate is locked within.
I place it in a blood pool beside your feet
And unclasp the latch with an ominous click.
You cannot see what rests inside.
You cannot see the rows of glistening metal,
Neatly lying upon a bed of blood-stained satin.
All you can see is the white of my silk gloves,
Sliding lovingly across.
I taunt you with the time I take to make my choice.
But now you can see the silver glint
Of the implement that I have drawn out.
The simple tool that will permanently cease your pains.
But only after it first brings you more.
You start again with your cries and screams.
They are beautifully composed music for me to work to.
Slowly, I slide the hand-sharpened blade through your flesh.
And I begin your end.
The evening air spreading its soft chill,
Playing with the blue mountain to nature's will,
New snow flakes engulfs the barren hills,
Taming my heart with tender warmth and thrills.
At the inn the keeper holds a lighted candle,
For us to follow with our packaged bundle,
With grace I wish to avoid a scandal,
Watch my man close the lone door by its handle.
Firewood burns in the wooded homestead,
Spreads it warmth over the snug cushioned bed,
Waits to partake in our action unsaid,
Melting moments for me to love or dread.
Delightful face turns to look up to me,
Candid sensuality in phantoms plea,
Urges me to be forthwith naked and free,
Passion denudes barriers under siege.
Anticipation now burns to aspire,
Taut space between our naked bodies perspire,
And I blush in its heat with hot desire,
Keep my eyes closed as he sets me afire.
Intoxicants flame touched by libations
Sequesters inflamed wet-lip deviations,
Within pleasure kiss gratification,
Outraging tongue's in communication.
Open my eyes to his tactile fondness,
Soon hands engage the spherical hardness,
Force me to opt with resoluteness,
And lie on my back touched by tenderness.
My desperate palms crawl over his back,
Nuptial quivers awake rapture's with knack,
Crazy teeth dig and wildly bite his neck,
Betwixt the legs he performs his attack.
In anticipation I surrender,
As he sets to probes the naked blunder,
Rave’s down the silky valley to plunder,
Unzipped by the latent strike, I thunder.
Reeling from the quick fervent thrusts I cry,
With rage responding to his sadist try,
As he pulls back to enter and defy,
Totally exposed I shudder and sigh.
Quaking with delirious pleasure I cuddle,
Both legs entrapped within the carnal struggle,
Brace quivering bottom in the muddles,
As petals rock within the moist puddles.
Smiling at my denuded enslavement,
Holding my arms in ardent deployment,
Torments my frail defiance with enjoyment,
While his knee's direct steady placement.
Seething with resistance his hardness grows,
Raw power sustaining his taming blows,
Ecstasy mows the bulging heat to sow,
Freely we climax in its cosmic flow.
Begs reprieve for his ebbed shrunken demands;
While in love he obeys all my commands.
A cold and wet morning broke in the dreary month of November
Water glistening on the ground, a gift from the English weather
With such a smothering grey blanket rolling across the sky
My spirit managed to keep me warm as my spirits were high
An angel sent me a message, beaming through the clouds so grey
An invitation to take her hand and join her on this day
On a journey to a sky filled place full of winter wonderment
On taking her hand and I know that she is truly heaven sent
We travel the grey ribbon through the cold and wintery air
Wet fields and valleys just pass by in a blur
The questing fingers of both the wind and rain
Were resisting our passing but our smiles remain
Crossing rain swollen rivers brown and bursting their seams
Forming tree dotted mirrors just like my beautiful dreams
We fly hand in hand through the mist, through the miles
As I fall into her eyes I'm warmed by her smiles
Our destination approaches a warm and colourful retreat
We are greeted with smiles and yet more angels I meet
We dance and we capered to the tunes that she chose
With a warmth deep inside and a wide smile that glows
We moved to the streets and danced through winter crowds
The light of these angels simply parted the clouds
With the beat sounding behind and the frost just in ahead
We danced and we spun 'til we were ready for bed
Back in the warmth and the colour of the angels retreat
I was curled with my angel upon the soft seat
Resting from a day filled with mirth and with joy
Never has there been a more joy filled boy
The sun lost its fight and slowly slides to the ground
We said our goodbyes to the new angel friends found
Taking to the wing hand in hand we took flight
We were homeward bound through a cold and dead night
An orange ribbon our guide through a land of purple and black
We followed it blindly and thus we took the wrong track
Another little adventure through lands never before seen
Having such fun in the places we’d never before been
Descending from on high our feet touch the fields of home
Smiling and warm both wondering when we will next roam
She left this feeling inside me and I know it was sent from above
These butterflies can't escape from me because I know I'm in love.
With a staff fitted with a blade in hand,
Leonid entered the cave.
It was dark and hot,
And with each step,
Leonid became more and more fearful.
The cave then opened up
Into a large cavern,
And in the center,
On a stone throne,
Sat the dragon
And in his hand was the chalice.
Quickly,
Leonid positioned himself
To attack with the sharp end
Of his staff pointed at the dragon.
“Now, where are your manners?”
Boomed the dragon.
“You enter my home uninvited,
Point a pointy stick at me
And not even say a simple
‘Good day, Dragon’.”
Leonid was taken aback,
He did not expect
The dragon to speak
And not like a nobleman.
He, quickly, put aside his astonishment
And yelled back,
“Good day, Dragon,
I have come for the chalice
You hold in your hand.
I am prepared to do battle!”
“Do battle?!?
Whatever for, my dear boy?”
Why exactly have you come to my home
And threaten my life?
Have I burnt down your house?
Killed your entire family?
Killed your beloved dog?”
Questioned the dragon.
“Well, no…
But I want the Chalice of Courage
And I will do whatever
I have to do to get it,
Including vanquishing you!”
Answered Leonid.
“Truly,
Why don’t you simply
Ask me for the chalice?”
Cooed the dragon,
“It would be much easier.”
“Alright, Dragon.
May I, please, have
The Chalice of Courage,
So I may sip from it
And become courageous.”
The dragon stared at Leonid
For two heart beats,
Then said “No!”
“If you were not
Going to give me the chalice,
Why did you make me ask for it?”
Bellowed Leonid, angrily.
“First things first,
I made you ask
Because it was the polite thing to do,”
Said the dragon,
“And I won’t give you
The Chalice of Courage
Because you don’t need it.”
Leonid’s jaw dropped,
And he stared at the dragon
As though he had lost his mind.
After a minute or two,
He spluttered,
“I don’t need it?!
I don’t need it?!!
Do you know what I went through
To get here?
How far I traveled?
How I was jeered at
By the village folk?”
The dragon just smiled
At the young man
Growing more and more angry,
“Oh, I know what you went through.
It is quite a task
To make it up here,
But the fact that you did it,
That you made it here,
Proves that you don’t need it.”
Form:
Last night began in a darkened room
filled with forced friendships and opaque smiles.
We ate freshly popped popcorn with real butter,
probably the only real thing in the room, except for
painful memories, lost dreams and misplaced smiles.
We watched Pinocchio.
I realized,
I too want to be a real boy.
You see, I lived caged by the puppeteer,
his toy to use for enjoyment and gain.
I too danced with no strings,
being who all wanted me to be.
I sometimes fibbed to avoid trouble,
yet it found me time and time again,
sometimes at my own doing…
even when I told the truth.
My conscious was not a cricket,
but a full imagination that kept me going.
In the Hi-diddle-dee-dee,
as an actor to all, I set myself free.
The more I grew, the more I believed in
being brave, truthful, and unselfish.
I tried.
Like anyone on the journey of life,
I didn’t always succeed.
But I tried.
I learned though…always,
and therefore,
I never did turn into a jackass,
(although there are a few who will say differently).
I never had a Geppetto to rescue, yet
I refused to starve to death in the belly of a whale.
For me though, it wasn’t a whale it was a sea of sharks
who threatened to eat me alive.
I chose to be brave,
I chose to be truthful,
I chose to be unselfish,
or at least as much as possible.
In doing so, I saved myself,
(and continue to do so).
Of course I had some help from
unknown fairies,
invisible Figaros and
silent Cleos.
They took on different forms along the way.
Before bed last night
I looked at my friends.
I saw that they are real people,
also dealing with real life.
They have hope in their eyes.
They have dreams in their hearts,
and they have real smiles on their lips…
lips that often forget where those smiles reside.
As I went to bed with this understanding,
a warmth filled the air.
A star came from the night sky.
Suddenly, I became a real boy.
(Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true)
I laid my head on my pillow in silence.
I was content.
As I fell asleep, I began to dream.
I dreamed about the next part of my journey…
…the road to becoming a real man.
It’s been a very reasonable day. Just a light shower or two
walking along these country lanes, round each corner, a different view.
But it’s getting late now and darkness will soon be here
there’s a haunting sound from the wood nearby, I hope it’s nothing to fear.
I know I should be thinking of making my way
back
and I really did think I was on the right track.
And yet, wherever I seem to look and wherever I seem to roam
I just can’t seem to find my way back home.
I’ve climbed to some higher ground now, such a wonderful view
I can smell the freshness in the air and in the distance, see my home now too.
But it’s getting cooler and there’s a strange stillness up here
I can almost feel the cold silence, which I hope is nothing to fear.
Now darkness has fallen but in the moon light I can see
a path that I think looks familiar to me.
It leads to a narrow stream, I can cross on a stepping stone
so I can try to find my way back home.
Having waited in the darkness, I can now see in the light dawn brings
I sense all of the beauty of nature around me and I listen as a blackbird sings.
But with the dawn a storm has gathered and above me dark clouds are near
and as the thunder cracks and lightning flashes, I hope there is nothing to fear.
Now I’m feeling lost, tired, wet and cold
and like someone who has suddenly grown old.
And I don’t want to be here in this place, any longer on my own
I just want to find my way back home.
There’s a shaft of light from an open curtain and it’s so bright in my eyes
and the noise from a radio alarm clock catches me by surprise.
As I wake up, the duvet feels warm and comforting against my skin
and there is someone beside me, still sleeping, so I don’t say anything.
I look around me and I know I am home
I’m not really somewhere lost and alone.
And of course I realise things are not really as bad as they seem
for I was lost, but only somewhere in a dream.