Long Landlubber Poems

The Search to Find the Edge of the Ice

They say moss doesn't gather on a stone rolling, in motion,
And even wise algae gets left in the wake,
Of a proud ship, foresail dipped, rising upon an...

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Thru maritime miles of minions in motion
We hedge our opinions while pledging devotion	
To serving the Captain and sharing our smiles
Through barrels of onions and flea-bearing trials

But even the pirates who pose in a rumble
Are learning...

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Ofttimes yours truly assiduously tries to adlib,
but blubbers like a landlubber
at sea treading water donned with bib
(that doubles as yellow
spongy bobbing life jacket)

furiously doing doggy paddle
riding the next tidal wave
hoop fully washing me ashore to...

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FROM BIKINI BOTTOM TIMES...

...Spongebob Squarepants...what...atoll...?
plunged into where,...no way...toilet bowl...
supposedly, when the ghostly hand ex-toll
ling praise from his late creator, and master

meow mind of popular Stephen Hillenburg
cast said main character in clean new role,
an unexpected greasy,...

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Rats! Mine Poetic Submissions Once Again Deemed Floccinaucinihilipilification
/?fläks??nôs??ni?hil??pil?fi'kaSH?n/
(floc·ci·nau·ci·ni·hil·i·pil·i·fi·ca·tion)

Countless declined submissions of mine,
tipping scales massive
Earth Atlas shrugged,
(he nonchalantly shouldered
1.317 × 10^25 lbs)

sends storied ambition plummeting
millstone yoked neck analogous
to bajillion pound weight
thus yours truly
doth modify expectations

absolute zero...

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(a quid pro quo plug for zaftig women)

women that tip weigh ling needle to spin vicious circle
     akin to puppy chasing her/his tail
     or require digital scale,
at...

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women that tip weigh ling needle to spin vicious circle
     akin to puppy chasing her/his tail
     or require digital scale,
at the extreme alt right registering heavy loads...

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Yo-Ho-Ho And Shiver Me Timbers

Shiver me timbers and loosen me limbers
I sail me sloop until it lin’ers
And drop anchor in t’  nearest lagoon
Bury me treasure chest full o’ doubloons 
Then set off durin ...

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Landlubber
Yes we sailed on the blue briny water,
watched those sharks that swam in the deep.
Trimmed the sails for the wind`s sou`east quarter,
then a storm swift upon us did sweep.
Too many sheets were up in the...

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Imagine a mermaid,
she throws her buxom body
onto the granite rock.

She is steady, will not slide
unlike the terrified witnesses
that dare not
damp their feet on blackened rock.

The warning clear
but one tongue leers
wanting to touch the magical fish.

Thinking...

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Though my landlubber legs quiver at the thought
I wish to set sail on the wild winds of Relation Ship.
This mime's gotta speak, this statue has to stretch.
The Water of Life has yet to reach these...

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Henry Morgan is my name
Being a pirate is my fame

A landlubber wasn't for me
Fortunes were made at sea

From port and starboard cannons roar
Through Spanish ships cannonballs tore

Strike your colors or face our scorn
Cutlass and pikes...

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When it comes to baking a cake
Make sure not to put in a snake
   Unless, of course, it's a fake
   By that, I mean, the snake

For if the snake's made out...

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Since I retired and after my jobs for the day
The list now completed and tools put away
I take time out just to sit in the shady spot,
To muster my thoughts and empty the coffeepot.
Whether it...

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.

                           Yarrrrr
       ...

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Edge what remains their last hope, be enshrined,
be the breeding atolls summoned to mind.
Albatross are one of the bird's largest.
These goliath's wingspans are the longest,
which makes them less of a landlubber when
they take more to...

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Landlubber’s Reckoning


On land, a perfectly good wife.
She’d give and he’d take with no strife.
Her loins are an urn.
Her lantern does burn.
Unknown to her — he’s a low life.

A wink and a nod from the sea.
Conjured...

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I “Go on Account” when I’m feeling dull,
Fly a Jolly Roger with crossbones and skull;

Become a “Freebooter” and Pillage and Loot,
Where I can do as I please, drink and shoot;

On most days a “Landlubber” I...

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