Long In the process of Poems
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Inner Tides and Outer Moons
Just like Earth and her moon
Our own body-mind fluxes
With and within the cycle of tides.
Up-down, strong-weak, high-low
We swell and contract in a rhythm
That effects if not controls us all.
Maybe it’s even what makes us care
About others and what others think of us
Since without the flux
We’d be more consistent
And so more confident, less needy
And thus more independent.
But at a certain point,
Maybe what we call mid-life
We should have learned that no matter
The flux is ours and not up to others
To verify, confirm or even acknowledge
Who we are, our successes and failures.
A body-mind in flux
After all is a mystery
In the process of becoming
But after at least fifty years of becoming
We should have become familiar enough
To know what is and what’s ahead.
At least to know
That there will always be
Change and more change,
And that the key to a mature
If not always happy body-mind
Is a measure of self reliance.
(3/23/25)
I know
Even if I have no evidence to prove it
I know
That I was never meant to be in this world!
I find not my place here
I like it not here
I am not comfortable here
I am not at ease here
I am, like a fish out of water
I am, like an angel fallen on Earth
I am, like a plantation of watercress in the desert
I am, like a stone having been given a heart!
The very fact that I took birth here
Broke my heart
The very fact that I fell from the divine abode
Shattered me to pieces
So much that I strive still to re-assemble my broken pieces
And walk, even if I drag my feet
Trying to motivate myself
To find joy and pleasure
In a world so aimless and confusing!
A world, where living is ruled by the cruel hands of Death!
But then, I thought I found love, once
I thought I would make of love my strength
I would hold its hand
Smile
And instead of walking
I would now enjoy the ride!
For, love would be a carriage
A carriage driven by my beloved
A carriage which would allow me to sit
And enjoy the passing sceneries of the paths I had to go through!
But love was made of ego
Of vice and selfishness
Love, instead of being a strength
Love, broke my heart again!
Why, love was just like a cannon ball
Which kept striking my most sensitive spot
Love, bid me to hate my life
And yearn for the skies once more!
Pray, I have learnt the lesson
I am to be, in this world, devoid of love
For I am not to be attached to anything here
I am, to get back to where I came from
I am to climb up the celestial stairs
And reach my home, my forsaken home!
Why, the power which forced me here
Is as broken hearted without me
As I am without it!
Pray, is love not beautiful
Is love not magical
When forgiveness and submission
Plays in its arena?
Pray, the skies unveiled themselves once
And bid me to an awakening
Since then, I have come to learn of myself
And of my temporary stay here
I have to understand
Why is it that I find not my place here
Pray, I may be broken hearted
But I am in the process of being healed
And the time shall come
When the gates of the skies will open
And immerse in me
Joy, of an eternal nature!
9th February 2017
For contest: You broke my heart
Sent to my kids
"THIS CHRISTMAS EVE IS DIFFERENT"
This Christmas Eve is different
I lost my loving, influential Dad after almost 60 years.
I miss him a lot, thinking about him? Still brings me to tears
I miss being able to talk and laugh with him over experiences in life, sports, just a variety of things.
And although I was an Optimist and him a Pessimist, he always had my back helping bring balance to my wings
So I poured my soul out to you, in a poem that was painful but true,
Believing you'd hear and my words and that they'd reach down into you.
And after? I felt truly blessed, and that God had answered my prayer.
For the first time in 4 months you visited me in my moment of despair.
You know I went to bed that night after you guys left thinking the tide had turned?
That our bond was in the process of being rebuilt, and that the Love had returned?
I started to believe that things would be different, cuz you guys responded and saved my day.
I felt my honesty had awoken that part of your heart, you forgot in me? And that we had found a way.
But then this morning? I woke to a silence and realizing Id have to just deal with pain
That "This Christmas Eve" would come with a chill, and start to consume my brain.
That Today? As the world meets 2025's Christmas Eve,
I’m mourning the magic I had hoped we'd weave.
Looking over that time since, I realized that
nothing has really changed at all
I still dont hear from you or know whats up, no letter, text, or call.
I guess I expected a little more change that just hasn’t come yet,
It’s hard without ya'll trying to act cool without feeling no regret.
But Hey I just need you to Know:
Im proud of you's and was hoping that we could change in some way
Knowing your lives have just started. I just didnt want to be left in Yesterday
My Dad taught me to be a survivor so I’ll find the bridge through this bitter part,
I hope I instilled that in you, but remember
I'll ALWAYS keep a place for you in my heart.
So, While other fathers will be celebrating, with their children, faces lit and bright?
,I'll be sitting here without my gifts from God, alone another Holiday Night
People reveal the contents of their hearts.
Drip by painful drip.
It takes courage to tell the world what ails them.
What hurt them-stomped them down.
How they are in the process of healing.
Climbing back up that brutal mountain, called self-doubt.
Frayed hope-sliding back down -getting back on route.
A million questions slung in the face.
What is God anyway? Who are the demons?
What are all these strange forces in between?
Major decisions to be made, crossroads, if you will.
Which cells to nurture-which ones to kill.
Life is their brushfire; they must sprint straight into it.
Dodge around it and they'll slip over the edge.
So, while they drip vulnerable things from their heart into the cold world.
Some keyboard troll kneads the hurt into their plaything.
A flaccid attempt at humor, or to make themselves feel supreme?
All at the sufferer's expense.
These trolls are nothing but keyboard pigs.
Rooting for another truffle of their endless cowardice.
One time I asked myself what's so hard about being a child of Christ?
is it because I have to fight against the devil everyday of my life?
is it because I'm now saved and living sanctified?
or is it because I refused to sell out and I'm now rectified?
the hardest thing about being in Christ I would profess
is that after the first time, God requires another yes
when you say yes to God it's not a one time event
for it's only by His grace that you are even in His presence
to be a child of Christ you need to advance by little steps
and say yes to all He asks of you, if you desire to be His earthly rep
in the process of time God will tell you to have no fear
for when your well runs dry He will make water appear
for God won't let you thirst nor let you starve and die
He will always provide for on His word you can rely
when Elijah asked that widowed woman for some water to drink
she said yes, that's no problem, what did you really think?
but when he next asked for a little bit of bread
she said I only have enough for one last meal and then I will be dead
as a prophet of the Lord, Elijah wanted another yes
to see if she would commit to God and trust in Him to do no less
her first yes was only a very convenient gesture
but her second yes would have been a show of her true measure
sacrificial commitment and unselfish attitudes
are some of the things God requires of you
step out of your comfort zone
and sacrifice for the heavenly throne
many people tend to treat God like a tire that's a spare
kept in the trunk until we need it there
and when that tire gets us to our final destination
we remove that spare and put it back in hibernation
but God has a plan and He's not just a convenient device
He's the master of our fate and Controller of our lives
you don't really own anything for all you see belongs to God
always give Him another yes and give it from the heart
so when that widowed woman did as the Prophet Elijah did say
God then provided her with food for many, many days
Yes Lord, Yes Lord say it as often as you can
Yes Lord, Yes Lord I put my fate in Your righteous hands
Yes Lord, Yes Lord for You I can do no less
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, ALWAYS ANOTHER YES
Many women feel they have lost themselves, either during pregnancy, postpartum, or maybe in the process of raising their children. We used to go have fun and do whatever we pleased, not worried about consequences. We used to wear clothes that showed off our bodies without hesitation or not leave the house without a full face of makeup. We used to be down to have fun anytime day or night no matter the hour. Now we take care of a house and family, worrying about getting everyone else squared away. Now we dress in whatever is fast, hiding the imperfections under baggy clothes just to feel comfortable. Makeup is never a thing unless it’s a special occasion or funeral. Now we have fun maybe twice a month if we are not too touched out by day's end. Never did I think I would have to schedule that quality time. You might not look the same. You might not feel the same. But keep pushing forward, I promise it will get better.
Love, your future self.
MY FIRST LENTO
Well here's my first attempt at a Lento
Tell me how am I doing so far
Swell that you thought of including me
Hell I could be your next Lento star
Send me a challenge and I'll get right to it
Tend to get excited when I write
Lend me your ears and I'll do my best
End up with my ego taking flight
© Jack Ellison 2013
LENTO NUMBER TWO
Here is number two, so how did I do
Clear I've mastered this clever form
Fear that others will give up in frustration
Mere handfuls will weather the storm
Stay with it, you'll find it so rewarding
Lay there Lento-ing through the night
Pray you don't wind up in the looney bin
Stay with it, and you'll soon get it right
© Jack Ellison 2013
Lencio Rodrigues has created this new form of poetry called a LENTO!
It consists of two 4 line verses where the first word of each line rhymes
and the end of the second and fourth lines rhyme.
He is in the process of collecting Lento poems from around the world
and publishing them in a book. Much success Lencio!
I am told Hamlet's problem was his hesitation.
But was it really?
Perhaps he wasn't hesitating — perhaps he simply could not bring himself to avenge his father.
Not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t.
Not because he was a coward,
But because he didn’t know how to be anything other than a self-saboteur.
Even when he knew what to do, his self-doubt would win.
Even when Claudius' face confessed his sins during the play,
He was still overpowered by his fear of uncertainty.
Or maybe... maybe he really was a coward.
A coward who sabotaged himself in every way possible.
And yet, I still defend him.
I defend him because I see myself in him.
I am no royal, nor have I endured what he did.
But I am a coward — a coward who sabotages herself, every single step of the way.
Even when things are simple, I complicate them.
But when they’re complicated, I want them to be simple.
Because that is who I am.
I am paradoxically inclined.
I am healing from my pain,
But in the process of "healing," I hurt myself even further.
I yearn for peace of mind,
But I keep inserting myself into chaos.
I crave love,
But I reject it without a second thought.
I long to be held,
But I hate being touched.
I fancy to see a smile in the mirror,
But all I find is a downward expression.
I wish to be heard,
But I never speak up.
I ache for understanding,
But never express myself.
I desire a sense of security,
But give in to every reckless impulse.
I stress about the future,
But do nothing to change it.
I need to breathe,
But the air always gets caught in my chest.
I long to be happy,
But all I can think about are sad thoughts.
I want to live,
But all I ever think about is dying.
I am as contradictory as the moon and the sun—
Torn between light and shadow,
Yet both define who I am.
Wake up O Inhabitants of this Earth
Wake up O, inhabitants of this earth
The darling children of Almighty God
You may be living in any region, country or state
In any land, Buildings, farm house or on a river bank
On hill tops, on plateaus, in plains or in deserts without rains
Or you may be living in the remains of a green valley
On in any of human’s most dear concrete jungle homes
Or may be in the icy Greenland
Wake up O, the inhabitants of this earth
O’ darling children of Almighty God
We are in the process of eliminating
Our four billion years old dwelling venue
In around four hundred years only
The Earth was built and filled by Nature
By the labor and patience of many million years
What great miracles we have done on Earth
In just four hundred years only
We have stolen the God given treasures of Earth
And have destroyed the most precious among the gems
Its peace, quietness and tranquility
Replaced by wars, explosions, noises, unrest and anxiety
And have damaged beyond immediate repairs
The priceless God given shield of Ozone
Which hangs much above the earth in the sky
And has protected us as a Savior like God
But destroyed by humans like
fools destroying its own Paradise
But what humans have done to our most beloved Earth
In the last one hundred years is the real threat
To all the darling children of Mother Nature
Dear to us as Air, Water and Earth
They are in the danger of global warming
Which is the result of the misuse of knowledge
And blindly exploiting the Air and Water and Earth
To meet our never ending needs, luxuries and whims
...to be concluded
Ravindra
Kanpur India 9th December 2009
*Jheels ( A Hindi word means Lakes)
*A singing bird of India like Nightingale
I promise you the world
All it’s riches, gems, and gold
To deliver to you the stars and the moon
And bunch of snow in the middle of June
But you still choose to walk out of the door
left me wondering if you want more
What else could I give? What else could I offer?
Every seconds without you feels like torture
As you gave me one last look, tears formed in your eyes
You said “Sorry, I am not good in goodbyes”
“But I don’t need the world, I am good with just a dime”
“I just hope to have some of your precious time”
I am down on my knees as guilt consumes me
Why did I overlook your misery?
I wish I have known earlier to make things right
Coz now it’s too late and you’re out of my sight
I’ve been trying to do a lot of things
Forgetting the little joys that life can bring
Busy finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
So in the process of chasing success, I end up losing you...