Long Hold over Poems
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“That ego residue of past be shorn ~
We are time and again, on earth reborn”
~ quote by poet
Linear time sounds love's chime,
that soul may heavenward climb
but most of us heed it not,
trapped in a narrow thought slot.
God enables if we're still
but if we defy His will,
we're tossed about like a leaf
by fate, shrouding us in grief.
Life, as it plays, is ordained
to test if our soul's yet stained
by ego spawned dark desires,
that deluded heart aspires.
Both joy and pain come our way
but if love is our mainstay,
fate has no hold over us
and fears no longer nonplus.
Life's a school, we're here to learn,
to grow in love, as we burn.
Redeeming sins of our past,
as we chose, the die is cast.
Making lamp of love soul's sconce,
what matters is our response,
moment to moment in life,
free from strife, always joy rife.
Oh hermit, this life's a dream,
where love not fate, reigns supreme
and once we truly know this,
soul becomes the flame of bliss.
10-March-2023
____________
Writing Challenge - 'K' Words - Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Constance La France
HMS, Rhymezone, PS Gramnar
—wThis Thing Called Aging
1All day, no, far more nearly for 2 years,
I have been thinking I have had
Enough of being old, being
Pleasant about this form of present:
I have had enough of this aging task.
I wish to go back— not, no, not
Return to my troublesome youth.
No returning, please,but, perhaps,
A re-setting of some physical,
.Dimensional clock, just as springtime
Returns every year and the perennials
Re-grace us all around, splendidly,
Their petals unscarred.
I will concede to grayed hair, even to
These painful bones, but I want
To hand in how I drop every 3rd
Thing I touch, misplace every 3rd
Thing I set down, or take a fall every 3rd
Outing I dare. How it goes on
That I must ask help to stand,
To lift, to fetch, to set down, to plan.
As decades passed, perhaps I gained
Some wisdom, tho now must pray
Daily for strength. And even if
I cannot travel anymore, I retain
A universe of unknowns - by Faith - in
Views from my soul, for which
I need not squint or lean in closer
To the turning pages...
I was a ballet dancer in my youth.
I miss in this aging, the liquidity
Of motion, and I give apologies
For my neediness, and also give
Thanks for this continuing life...
Not ballet, but a tango with language,
And a promenade with my dreams:
This concourse of wishing traverses
A decrepit, wooden bridge failing
Its hold over a river of inconsequence.
And, next time these desires consume
A further day, I shall laugh,
Just as aging will have taught me to do.
*********************************
sally young-Eslinger2020 (c)
In the shadows of what could’ve been
lies regret,
They haunt every corner of your soul,
making it impossible to forget.
A weight that lingers and sometimes
tears you apart,
As they take a firm hold over your
heart.
In the quiet hours of the night,
silently, they creep.
These uninvited guests disturb and
rob you of your sleep.
Regrets, like needles, pierce deep
into the soul.
Leaving scars that never heal but
continue to control.
Of choices made or words unspoken,
Oh, how we wish we could rewrite
our past,
To undo the mistakes made and gain
peace at last.
But time continues to march on,
day by day,
Leaving us with memories of things
that went wrong, some of which
we dare not say.
And lessons learnt amidst the pain
changed our vision.
For in our regrets, there lies great
wisdom,
It’s through mistakes we learn and
grow strong,
Thus giving us the courage to admit
and accept when we are wrong.
Accepting regrets as part of our
life’s story could set us free.
They are reminders to tread carefully,
enjoy life in the present while
cherishing every glory and just be.
You made my life surreal
can't tell what's fake or real
Right is wrong and wrong is right
I just got to be with you every night
Your not a habit I can ignore
You leave me crawling on the floor
I can't escape your hold over me
Your all I want, feel and need
I am addicted to you
I am addicted to you
Nothing I can really do
I am addicted to you
Like swimming against the tide
Your hand alone lets me survive
I can't face alone my heart of blue
I beg your embrace to get me through
There's nothing I can really do
I am addicted to you
My thoughts are not my own
Without you, I am raw to the bone
If you leave me I would crawl and fall
Without you by me, I'ld suffer your withdraw
I shake and shiver, I cry and quiver
If your love from me was sever
I got it bad and that ain't good
I need you more than understood
All I am or hope to be
Is only with you loving me
I am addicted to you
I am addicted to you
Hold me tight the whole night true
I just can't live without loving you
For I woke from sleep after a burning dream
and the need for cold air to breathe.
I opened a window to see the darkness
lose its hold over the horizon and trees.
The quiet of night played subtle tones
through the movement of a train along the tracks.
I saw this lit snake slithering fast like prey
with a hawk upon its back.
Sudden orchestral tones erupted out of sight.
The quiet owned by night was broken
by sounds that captured daylight’s initial magic light.
Beautiful songs and rhythmic tunes
seemed to fill the massive sky.
I closed my eyes, felt a cool breeze,
and listened as nature called
a new day from the night.
Jesus took my anguish,
When His friends turned away from Him;
So there is no need for me to feel alone.
Jesus took my fears,
In the Garden at Gethsemane;
So fear no longer has any hold over me.
Jesus took my shame,
When He was wrongly accused, stripped and beaten;
So there is no need for me to be ashamed.
Jesus took my pain,
As He bore the lash which tore the flesh from His back,
And by His stripes I am healed;
And He took my death,
As He died on The Cross for the sins of us all;
So death no longer has any claim on me.
He took it all on Himself so God would not turn away from me.
God can't look at sin because it's so filthy.
Sin can't enter Heaven, so neither could I;
But then He was there.
He reached out to me though I was unworthy.
He called me by my name, He knew me,
And He told me not to be afraid ----
Anymore.
"BUT HE WAS WOUNDED FOR OUR TRANSGRESSIONS. HE WAS BRUISED FOR OUR INIQUITIES. THE CHASTISEMENT OF OUR PEACE WAS UPON HIM;
AND BY HIS STRIPES WE ARE HEALED."
Isaiah 53:5
The dream of youth
no longer has hold over me.
Like the seconds and hours of time
it has faded, fastidious, fragile and forgotten.
Were it to return from abandonment,
age and memory will distort, fracture and splinter,
its purpose proposed, tenuous, a long lost delight purged
in some imagined vision of lethargic sleepiness.
Let me rest in these illusions,
give me a moment, an hour to fall in trance, serene, peaceful,
greeting the darkening obscurity that grows and grips
a wayfaring stupor to accompany the night invisble.
Soothe and calm the images hazed into clarity
where some illusive yearning can thrive and grow
and it will take hold again
my dream, the fog of forever loving you.
The sun has long receded from the sky,
Pallid gloom invades the wintry air,
Morbid silence hangs over him,
Memory sleeps like hibernating toads.
Trees stand bare with no leaves to array,
The Earth lies shielded in its icy crust,
There is stillness, the stillness of the grave,
Breaking it, a fox is heard howling afar.
Feeling utterly down, discouraged, and weak,
How he longs to overcome the emptiness he feels
Even nature looks dull and devoid of life.
Depression takes hold over him and his soul sighs.
Despondent lies he, in his battered shack,
With a run-out lantern throwing pale light,
It burns sending spouts of fume,
Like the last breath of the dying soul.
Tormented beyond endurance,
In excruciating pain, he writhed.
The tears that flowed from his eyes
Could easily make a swelling sea.
Once mirages of hope danced before his eyes
But he is now devoured by dark clouds of solitude,
Behind a wall of emptiness, he now gropes.
He is in the throes of utter dereliction.
Hungry for affection in a desolate arena
He once fought like a losing gladiator.
Every passing day was like a decade.
Everything was damp, life was mildewed.
Now he seeks redemption from all torments.
Lying in the darkness that has become his life,
He stares into empty nothingness.
He longs for death to come on swift wings.
Deserted by everyone, he awaits the dark space,
To lie unattended six feet underneath.
He wishes to be devoured by the Grim Reaper
Who is no longer his enemy, but a bosom friend.
He listens intently for advancing steps,
Of his long-awaited companion, sure to come,
To deliver him of his baneful state,
To row him away across the frozen seas.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me time and time again – I am stupidly in love.
They say the sign of a crazy man
Is someone who does the same thing over and over again,
Expecting a different result each time.
I am a crazy man.
The first time you broke my heart,
I nearly ended my life.
When I finally resolved to live again
You came knocking on my door asking for forgiveness.
I welcomed you with open arms – falling hard once again.
The second time – I swore it would never happen again.
I lied.
Upon each return you swore you had learned your lesson –
I proved I had not learned mine.
You come back to me broke – I make you whole again.
You come back to me drunk – I sober you up again.
You come back to me abused – I nurse you to good health again.
You come back to me in need – I drop everything to comply.
You only love me when your life is at rock bottom.
Once I help you to your feet – you use them to walk out on me again;
And, I am left a broken man.
I would love to say, “Never again”, but I know I am too weak.
The spell you hold over me is one I cannot resist.
I have ended other, more healthy relationships,
To once again jump on the carousel of your jaded love,
Only to have the ride come to an end and the fair leave town once again
With this little boy holding a handful of unused ride tickets:
No refunds – No rain dates – No sense at all.
I pray that you do not come back again.
The pain of you not being with me is less intense than the pain of you leaving again.
Please, allow me to suffer the lesser evil.
Her strong apron strings
have a hold over him,
Suffocating his soul
Controlling and grim.
"Let him go", I cry out
This young man in his prime
Is responsible, reliable
And ready to shine.
Her face wan and drawn
With anxiety
Is driven by fears
Plaguing her constantly.
She keeps him close
He struggles from her grip
Frustrated and confused
Heart is torn, nothing fits.
His meals and his laundry
She does every day
He's thirty years old
Not in seventh grade.
He's got a good job
She doesn't charge rent
He's trapped, must break free
Before life is spent.
Written on 2015