Long Gee whiz Poems
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We’d just buried poor old Peter and we’re back now at his wake,
and of course it’s sad to see him gone but it’s great we can partake,
in giving comfort to his widow now that the hardest part is done -
funerals are really small reunions - for kin and friends less one.
These are the times to catch up with the mates from long gone days,
and it must be nearly thirty years since Bert and I had chased the crays.
The mists of time have swallowed up Dick and my working situation,
but now the three of us are once again indulging in a conversation.
We laughed about the characters who once graced us on the clock,
and we brought up Union matters that gave the management a shock.
So with a few quite beers now in us we’re neglecting the deceased,
until we were joined by what I’d call the roving friendly Priest.
And tête-à-tête that we’d indulged moved back to poor old Pete,
with questions laced with afterlife when God turns up the heat,
especially after what we’d heard in eulogy that filled the kirk,
about the splendid life Pete lived before descending to the murk.
The Priest had listened quite intent, then with I s’pose a sombre tone,
he put a question to us three about, the day St. Peter’s on the phone,
“When you’re lying in your casket with family mourners gathered ‘round.
What would you like to hear them say before I place you underground?”
Dick rubbed his chin a mite, responding then with his desire,
“I would like to hear them say that, because I stoked the boilers fire,
the factory had the driest steam in any plant for miles about -
Yeah, I’d really like to hear them say, I’m the greatest boiler man no doubt”.
All ears then turned toward me, intent on hearing what I’ll say.
So I took my time to bumble over what I’ve done in me day …
“I would like to hear my family say Dad, it was as smooth as silk,
and we really miss your lunch box filled with that A-grade powdered milk!”
Albert laughed but looked embarrassed, thinking it’s a shot at him,
for every day his Gladstone bag was filled up to the brim,
but then he frowned and gave a nod and moved away from his disproving,
“I guess I’d like to hear them say - ‘Gee whiz!’ Albert’s flamin’ moving!”
. Mouser.
The distillery cat was flat on his back
He’d had too much to drink.
The silly moggy his mind was foggy
He could hardly think.
It was thee day he was on his way
His time was really up.
The rules require he must retire
So he had drunk from the goodbye cup!
Those little mice they didn’t think twice
they quickly ran amok
And in no time felt quite sublime
Could not believe their luck!
Tails in the air, Mouser so unaware
Their party had began.
For life’s a must, much was discussed
Like an employee ownership plan.
“Imagine if, Mouser was a stiff
And we all ruled this place,
By and large we’d be in charge
Something we could all embrace.”
But just at that appeared a Rat,
You know what they all say.
You’re never more than through a door
Away from their decay.
“Well gee whiz, so what is this
We have an open house.”
He said with grin, “I’ll just move in
And go and get my spouse.”
The mice felt down and wore a frown
And thought we can’t have this,
Awake that cat from off his mat
Get him out his drunken bliss.
So it was to great applause
He had ended up quite upset,
They’d got the hose and gave a dose
Of water cold and wet!
Mouser howled then he scowled
Jumped up and cried aloud,
“I’ll get those mice they are my vice
They will end up in a shroud.”
The mice did flee with so much glee
The Rat it disappeared.
Mousers head felt like stale bread
His paws they went real weird.
And so it was, like an arbitration clause
Came in the Big Bad Boss.
“What’s all this noise I don’t enjoys,
I prefer a hearing loss!”
So Mouser stayed, a big blockade
And the mice he tipped a wink,
The big brown Rat, he don’t like a cat
That’s had too much to drink!
Now drink can make you think
It can feel good alright.
Whiskey can make you frisky
But it can also make you fight!
For a Scottish cat enjoys combat
As much as a Father loves his daughter,
Although there is a cure,
maybe it is obscure,
We could of course add water!
It's Christmas Eve and little Steve is sleeping like an angel
He knows Santa's sleigh is on the way with cookies on the table
The stockings are hung, the tree is trimmed, the feel of Bliss
The house glows with the warmth and sparkle of Christmas
Jolly Old Saint Nick ever so quick arrives at little Steve's home
He checks his list, nods his chin and with a grin
Leaves little Steve his lump of coal
Ho ho ho off Santa goes
Little Steve wakes right up
Runs down the stairs to see Santa disappear
Dashes for the tree but nothing he can see
Except for him a lump of dark black coal
With a note from the old fat soul
Dear Little Steve,
How have you been?
I know. Oh boy do I know!
Your on the naughty list you know
Your stocking is the one with a hole
If this can not be understood
Next year try being good
Whining crying screaming at the store
Because you want mommy to buy you more
Stealing toys from other kids
Come on now gee whiz
Cheating on your tests
Honestly in school just try your best
Lying is not a game
Can't you feel a little shame
Bullying little kids
Accusing others for what you did
Demanding tones and being rude
Belching and farting ever so crude
Even your little hand got caught
Robbing the Salvation Army pot
Never did you help others out
You are selfish without a doubt
Besides where are the cookies on my plate
The milk you left the cookies you ate
So in closing little Steve
Think of others begin with please
And if you think old Santa unfair
I'm watching you better beware
If toys games and sweets you desire
Start with sorry and aim higher
So stop pouting and being pis___
That's another reason your on the Naughty List.
Love Santa Claus
p.s. That piece of coal in your hand you hold, it's nothing that I bought
just something a reindeer dropped.
HO HO HO Merry Christmas and to all a good night.
AAAARGGGH!!!-little Steve's response
After the night storms the morning comes wet, cold, damp, dark and cloudy.
The only shelter I had was the broken down fence that I crawled under.
Oh! How my body hurts I barely made it under I am old, exhausted, starving,
my body is filled with sores, fleas and I know I have worms.
Hunger is something I don’t dread anymore I have accepted it in order to keep
hope alive.
Some days as I wander around the streets I find enough food to fill my stomach.
I eat grass, sticks and drink from muddy water which causes me to be very sick.
Why do people get us as puppy’s and than when we grow up they throw us out in
the streets?
Been a walking for hours now and there is nothing for me to eat, my feet are hurting
they are sore and bleeding will anyone ever care again?
I use to eat from shiny bowls that was filled to over flowing always had fresh, clean
water that tasted so yummy.
Everyone chases me away from their trash there is enough to feed me and others for
Days but they don’t care one bit.
I see many people walking their dogs on leashes, they are the lucky ones it make me
remember when they walked me once or twice, gee whiz what did I do wrong?
I find myself wanting to walk up to them and ask can I come home with you?
I don’t ask them anything because I already know what it is they will say to me and
that is no!
To afraid to ask those humans anything anymore, if they wanted me to be afraid they
did a great job.
Night is here and it’s snowing now, the wind blowing and no one is out and about.
I am searching but can’t find me a safe place to sleep I am losing hope that someone
will find me in time to rescue me.
Four days later as the snow slowly melted they found him laying there he had passed
way from being sick, abused, broken, sad, lonely, hungry, thirsty and heart broken.
Feel like a prostitute, only used at night
Never appreciated, I don't think its right
People make use of me with little thought at all
Without me they'd be in the dark, could trip or fall
Never worry about me, couldn't care if I'm hurting
But! don't they complain when I'm not working
Stuck out here in the weather in all extremes
They all rely on me or that is the way it seems
Only time I get washed is when it happens to rain
Sometimes I short out and spark, oh what pain
My cover is old, yes its all cracked and broken
Does any one give a dam? you must be joking
Dogs cock there leg against me and take a piss
Birds **** all over me, don't think I deserve this
Men lean their girl against me for a kiss and a feel
Undesirables stand below me to make a drug deal
Police try to solve crimes perhaps stop an odd fight
No idea most of the time, I try to shed a bit of light
Concreted to the ground, can't move, surely not fair
Stuck out in the weather with my head high in the air
Once I was hit by a drunk driver and knocked to the ground
Police and firetruck arrived, driver was nowhere to be found
Sparks and electrical currents, gee whiz it certainly hurt
Firemen threw powder over me, too dangerous to squirt
I lay on the ground for a week, some flags around me
People stayed away at night, just wasn't possible to see
Then along came some workers, such nice gentlemen
Fixed me, and with use of a crane stood me up again
I cannot understand people at all, certainly not fair
I needed to be run over before they showed any care
They are all happy to use me while my heart glows
Don't they cuss though if my poor old globe blows
playground politics
we zap and zip
read my lips
we hide and seek
from teacher's peek
on swings
we wing
on slides
we cried
marbles play
swords we flay
should i repeat
another beat
marbles play
swords we flay
never mind
what we find
king of the hill
jack and jill
story told
she was very bold
jill rode jack
on his back
right over there
under the stairs
we peered
like deer
we all hushed
behind a bush
it was all an act
that was a fact
two bunnies
rubbing tummies
that was it
don't have a fit
we are kids
yes we did
run the playground
round and round
dodge a ball
hide behind a wall
scrape a knees
fall on a bee
hide behind fatty
flirt with patty
hide a corner
there's a loner
hop scotch here
volleyball there
shoot some hoops
assemble troops
we are kids
yes we did
run the playground
round and round
yet get this
gee whiz
stars and stripes borne
teachers scorn
now they come out
to shout
their eyes
and voices chastise
what fools
no praying, too
we cuss
and fuss
we play
our way
yet they dread
if we bow our heads
is this
not preposterous
all i know politics seed
its ugly face bred
3/26/17-No rose again Note-Cyndi wrote in her critique (and I laugh at her) that it is demeaning to describe a child as fatty. Please. Can someone direct her and maybe the judges, too, to playground politics, anti bullying and the world that some of these kids face. It's called reality.Yes, they face this kind of ridicule everyday. It is sad. Yet would it be better to write a bunch of brown nose crap just to be politically correct? No. I just write what I see and feel, more of the pulse. No facade. And especially no artificiality that some here like to swim in.
Her name was Ethel....(yes, like the gasoline)
She smelled of menthol...(much like Vick's Vaseline)
A long time neighbor, from down the lane
She was married twice...(or was it thrice?)...
A widowed lady, we knew her well
A bit disgruntled, and a bit dismantled
A bit unusual.....a bit disturbed
and most the time, seemed quite perturbed!!
And as a kid....of her, I feared!
So scared of her that when she came .....Holy Moly, off I'd run!
And hide away..........'til she was gone!
She was a mix of ice.....a tad of nice....
But my mother trusted her sage advice
She had a cure for most everything....some seemed rather sensible
Some quite extreme!!!
The worst indeed..............(Please excuse my dilemma!)
She believed in the (OMG!!) THE ENEMA!!
(Well....now you can see .....just why I hid!!)
And castor oil..............gahhhhhh.......how disgusting!!
Should only be used when parts are rusting!!!!!!
And an old rag wrapped and rubbed on your wart
Then into a hole.....dug out by the fort....
Yep!! Now, why would a dishrag buried in the yard
Could have such power to rid.................................A WART??
Ridiculous notions....all of her potions......but...
Golly, Gee Whiz! , I'll have to say...
That I've been wart free.........since buried rag days!!
Oh, Miss Ethel..............perhaps you were weird....
but you would fix a mother's fears...
Could you still fix-up all my own....
all of my fears....after all these years?
Just NO MORE ENEMAS!!! Please Miss Ethel.....
Oh !! my dear !!
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everyone says to go vote
a heavy weight we all tote
forced to choose
does it even matter who will win
who will lose
do the results mean we see change
the whole idea of today's politics is quite strange
a government who invokes cover-up and hate
neither candidate can keep his or her story straight
and what's up with the fracking
i guess that's cool as long as its not
a "so called" elites family member coughing and hacking
ballots already put into question
let's not forget the infamous voter suppression
cleverly an astronaut votes in space
and yet a 90 year old woman had to
have her son drive her 6 hours to her designated voting place
i just happen to take note
gee whiz, today's politics, what a joke
sure we'll all vote
waiting impatiently for the electoral college
which is a bit shady, i've come to acknowledge
work is needed election or no election
i see this as opportunity
many people are aware and tired of the scrutiny
voting is the way they chose to have a voice
after the election is where you really need to make a choice
we are only at the tip of the iceberg
elections do not eliminate sin
the people's work is only about to begin
we can never control the planet
but we can stand in self truth
take care of elders and educate the youth
knowledge reign supreme
conquer dreams
creating my own regime
avoiding negative forces in the matrix
standing with my head high, arm up, hand in a fist
living instead of being here only to exist
‘Great Scott, shucks and darn, I’ve gone and lost a shoe’
cursed the elephant followed by ‘this simply will not do!’
‘The blasted thing is far too loose, I should have had it mended!
So, whoever has found my shoe must now be apprehended!
I’ll search all day and through the night, for months if it be needed,
I will not give up the search until I have succeeded.
They cost a mint and are the finest shoes in all the land,
To think someone has got my shoe is a thought I cannot stand!’
The search began with lion Bill who also loved his shoes,
but he had to catch him quick as he was packing for his cruise
‘I do not have your shoe’ said Bill ‘you really are a clot!
For I’m size nine and you’re a twelve, unless you had forgot?’
He searched each house one by one but couldn’t find his shoe,
He even tried Hyena Geoff, Tim the Hogg and all the Zebras too.
None of them had seen his shoe or even had a notion,
But Jemima the Gazelle did suggest a memory potion.
Crocodile Joe mixed him a concoction of the finest,
said ‘this should help you find your shoe or else will help your sinus!’
‘Gee whiz, son of a gun and jumpin’ Jiminy Cricket,
My shoe is at the cobblers shop it says so on this ticket!’
Black-Eyed Peas for New Year’s Meal
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
I’m going to freeze
If I don’t eat Black-eyed peas
On New Year’s Day
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
Gee Whiz please!
Gotta have those Black-eyed peas
Mammy and Pappy always
Said, “Eat Black-eyed peas
And you will have plenty of monies
The rest of the year and live in ease.”
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
Play a little ditty while cooking those
Black-eyed peas
Cook them with bacon, or ham bones
Fatback or hog jowls
Serve with a
Side of collard, turnip, or mustard greens
And golden brown sweet cornbread please
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
Mammy and Pappy always
Said, “You can live with a little passing gas
On New Year’s Day
To enjoy having plenty of monies
The rest of the year and live in ease.”
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
I’m going to freeze
If I don’t eat Black-eyed peas
On New Year’s Day
12/29/2016