Long Flab Poems
Long Flab Poems. Below are the most popular long Flab by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Flab poems by poem length and keyword.
Now I don't know if you've heard
Of the Baked Bean competition
Where contestants eat as much as can
In just twenty five minutes
Up they lined ready to start
To gobble up these dishes
Standing by were huge black pots
Ready to refill empty dishes
There was Kieren the Fat
A man of gargantous girth
One would think he could eat a horse
For dessert polish off a camel
Then Lucy who rolled into her place
As wide as she was tall
Rumours said she ate her kids
When out of food she ran
Andre the Giant, a pig of a man
Stood all of seven foot six
His pants held up by shiny black belt
With his flab hanging over that
Next was Amelia, we all know her
Shape as dainty as a brood sow
Eats and eats and never full
She'll be one hell of a contender
Last of all, a ringer you might say
A skinny runt of a man
Who was this one trying to fool
The one called Poetnumber1
The bowls were filled, ready to go
As soon as signal given
One last look up and down the line
And the starter pistol was fired
Kieren the Fat wasted no time
Sucked down bowl after bowl
And keeping pace one for one
Was Lucy next to him
Andre the Giant he too kept pace
Matched them bowl for bowl
But blow me down, an early lead
Amelia was ahead by one
But what is this, My eyes don't believe
This Poetnumber1
Bowl after bowl goes down his throat
He's leading by a mile
Kieren the Fat is slowing down
And so is Lucy too
I think they called an end to them
They managed to reach fifty two
Andre the Giant he had enough
His score was sixty one
Amelia still going strong
But Poetnumber1's out front
At eighty eight Amelia stopped
Gave one look and dropped
Probably lay there for a week or two
Before she'll finally wake
But Poetnumber1 is still going strong
He's reached one hundred and three
The bell was rung, winner declared
It was Poetnumber1
A sudden hush fell over crowd
As gurgling sounds were heard
A pained look on Poetnumber1's face
And then the world exploded
The smell so bad as you can imagine
People screaming in fear
And in the middle, with smile on face
Stood Poetnumber1
I must admit, he was very polite
He did say 'Pardon me'
But by this time most had fainted
Or screaming ran away
Though amply rested, I still yawn
And feel energized after
light exercise doth spawn
break through viz mental impasse,
where endeavor to coax
germinating ideas to sprout
about as successful as
buzzfeeding, jump/kick starting
rooting brown lawn
to whether drought.
Long fostering literary creativity
analogous to prying open
figurative curtain drawn
shut tight within
thy noggin unresponsive
even when brute force
strongly applied, but still...
no progress (for aging Pilgrim)
made come crack of dawn,
thus I temporarily abandon intent.
An effort to craft satisfactory poem or prose,
(which coveted, kindled, unexpected...
futile endeavor deluges me when
least able to jot down eureka,
whereby brainstorm burst adrip
saturating yours truly head to toes
dribbling out nostrils,
asper my porpoise size bottle nose,
hence this feeble effort to appease.
No expected attaboy, kudos, bravoes...
discerning metaphorical whaling expedition
beseeching, imploring, soaking...
mine mindscape with
profuse voluminous wisdom
sans anonymous followers
waiting for me to compose
usual meaningless gibberish or
rare profound nugget of wisdom to disclose.
While thrashing within cyber sea,
possibly abandoning ambition to compose
superbly laced, ginned, coined...
poetic adage gee oh
into magnum opus masterpiece
eye catchingly exotic creation
exquisite as silk negligee pantyhose
(yea...perhaps yours truly
will also send near nude selfie,
a worse fate than death
cab for cutie)
and chuck stock inhibition
brokering favorable frescoes
tattooed across flesh
accentuating anatomical contours of flab
wharf flexing muscles simulates geckoes,
(albeit selling progressive insurance)
appearing to slither across body electric
predictably ejaculating Freudian peccadillos,
now bolt upright - ******** awakened,
no longer sleepy,
but dwarfed by giant spuds,
no small potatoes
eh...yar right to deem this poker face
eccentric - born (free) this way,
how Elsa to explain (without lion)
rambling riotous rumination
one among many bumptious desperadoes,
and oh...mooch hoe gracias reading poem
bumbling, degenerating, fizzling...
into lobbying primal salvoes.
A former slender man (lapsed Unitarian anorexic)...
deplores adipose tissue gain
No Holiday music can soothe savage beast
washboard abdomen weight watcher's dream fleeced
skinny bag of lovely bones permanently leased
body snatcher somewhere amidst policed
madding crowd of carolers singing,
where mine sinking spirits ceased
rising today December 18th, 2020
analogous how unleavened bread
(i.e. matzo) lacks yeast.
I loathe shucking clothes,
(no matter eyes severely myopic)
in preparation for here goes
another warm shower quickly
relaxing this senescent
body ready to doze
soon after lathering
this blubbery body
most unwanted fat grows
on me, no matter healthy diet
of worms, or how I stand,
not so easy (Etsy) as add a pose
zing losing battle – Mary Jo's
if and geeze us of bulge ill flattering
particularly quiverly, sans white
"WALL" tire tread fully goes
steely belted around lower
abdominal area like lava floes
siring unsightly expose
yore squishy Jew dish priestly
punchy, plasma paunchy, gristly...
pillow like marshmallows
fittingly, rotundly soundly
identical with other schlep
tin (tin tabulation) grungy hobos,
this lap pissed lard (lord) Who Lee
bemoaning, how ilk readily knows,
where unwanted bulky flab...
most detested - hence Corp Yule Lance
leaves noth thin to noblesse oblige,
know bull eats obese,
anorexia nervosa or chance
barking out orders reminiscent, when he
hapt tubby a caller wannabe at
weekly square and/or contra dance,
now requisitioned to insulate
and excessively enhance
body electric can be mushed
into likeness of fleshy France
or repurposed into expanse
resembling any country,
whose name Kants
be easily pronounced, and historical
events glommed together recognizable
as Ataturk with a lance
bequeathed to rule World advance
sing gluttony as his divine providence,
thus requires deep dish allegiance
(non - fiber - binding contract)
for eats and make decadent
every fleshpot gourmand
stretching consumer cellular
skein to capacitance
bestowing guaranteed deliverance
with their rolling
ballooning massive circumference
into orbit with Earthly moon officiant
eternal fondue irrelevance!
Filched Physiognomy - Mine!
Absolute zero escape
velocity guts dance
sing days (contra and square),
cuz metabolic full abundance
abdominal adipose tissue acceptance
not in accordance
with light as a feather
miss lost acquaintance
the boy within forced admittance
as sure man tanks of fat did advance
shotgun marriage demanded allegiance
to pledge lifetime alliance
no room for allowance
crushing lightness of being ambiance
nor allies to help me combat
battle fatigue require
ring superman endurance
to muster strength
to stand erect else ambulance
will whisk away husky
embarrassing appearance
loose fitting clothing
jelly roll appurtenance
overnight digital readout,
asper body mass index
scaled quick ascendance,
thus when showering,
I look askance
fearing bulging balloon
will necessitate assistance
else... diet of worms
as only assurance
safeguarding body electric
against hecklers at open casket
no matter, a small perchance
crowd in attendance
yea... eventual cremation
after life only fat chance
to alleviate present circumstance
heavy matter fails security clearance
the price for astute cognizance
weak willpower alighting countenance
esse pie ying sweet treats
now measures taken to counterbalance
to fight temptation and dalliance
overruling feasting craving delectation
to restore trim deliverance
love handles around equator
no magician can render disappearance
yes the discontinuance
of just dessert must maintain distance
without being weighed
down with disturbance
by heaviest haunch
ain't no elegance
lugging extra encumbrance
when throughout my early life,
skinny, yet able to steel glance
mirrored reflection now grievance,
where wistful memory
ha...ironic insouciance
more so than
today finds intolerance,
thus woebegone issuance
thorn in muss hide
to experience jubilance
hmm...maybe a strong
arm can lance
excess flab quite a nuisance
to defy gravity, why penance
sans unsightly paunch
yours truly laments skin
tight fit, thus petulance
lame excuse unwanted protuberance
necessitates dedicated pursuance
recollection of washboard
abdomen impossible, yes
nothing accomplished by remonstrance!
Uncomfortable confronting
your continuous consumption to which you're accustomed,
the crunch, the chew, it's all you do,
most munch at lunch while you the whole day through,
can't get a grip like a hug holding you
but when you sip it's a diet brew
no added sugar and calories are few,
but many saturated fats are stacked
impacting with gross growth of fat sacks,
so you boom take up too much room
and stay still through sore joints you feel
as you can't conceal spare tires that spill.
You've an ahss with a difference
surpassing any ahss in existence
by a significant distance
with its significant distance
disappearing in the distance
to France and French Resistance
wanting removal in an instance
with intense insistence .
To lose weight you need to move mate.
Eat less move more, it works for sure,
though at first a chore
instead of bursting out you'll once more
fit through the door,
and not resemble a dinosaur,
the sore-thighs-and-a-sore-ahss-eyesore-osaurus.
All four storeys of your inglorious
girth awkwardly bulges before us,
taunting as you pass us at speeds
outclassed by a passed its best tortoise,
a daunting and torturous sight
for our poor eyes that sore
at size you can't ignore
as your broad and soaring baggy core
drags flab and more flab along the floor.
To dine all the time like an assembly line
from 9 to 9 makes you the widest of mankind
with a need to wear a wide load sign on your behind,
eating on repeat
until you can't see your feet
or get out of that seat
while hoarding heat
roasting in rotation
as a gravitational orbit results,
these insults should install motivational mass
to counterweight your morbid oversized ahss,
… so yes your ahss looks fat since you asked.
Realise she hates guys that tell lies, she cries,
so I told her she's oversized and learnt lies are wise,
don't tell her she's wide from side to side or in her thighs,
cus her size cry makes her lies cry look a lie, lies are wise.
I'm a pro-cyclist, and I despise people with flab
So it hurts that my folks don't walk, they'd rather take a cab.
I describe my races at the dinner table, but all they do
Is nod politely and say, "pass the stew"!
I took my nephew Chad cycling, such a pain:
As soon as we hit Salton hill, he began to complain
He asked why I couldn't leave him alone before his PC
Playing video games with his friend Tim McGee
He hadn't finished dungeons, a dragon he didn't yet slay,
How could some dumb trees compete with a world where heroes play?”
I said to my dubious nephew, "you got to get the blood to flow.
"You’ll find in sweat and aching limbs a truth that few will know,
Fresh air and nature beat any pixel combination
Look around you, take a breath, you'll feel a true elation.
We passed decomposing roadkill, Chad grimaced at the stink
But then a dark car passed, I gave the driver a wink
It was Chad's friend's dad, we had made a conspiracy
Chad would have a surprise; we'd meet Tim McGee.
Chad was about to quit but then his cell phone played Maroon Five.
He pulled it out, it was his friend, I hoped this trip could revive
Tim said he was waiting at Dunkin Doughnuts on Salton Hill crest
Chad brightened up, hit the pedals, sailed up the steep road west.
Chad outrode the wind, like a lion on the chase.
I couldn't keep up with him, how could I save face?
I was humiliated, in my mind I was the pro
I guess hard truths in life make a man grow.
We got to Dunkin Doughnuts, with a view way up high
I was wheezing and straining, and I wanted to cry
There was Tim and Chad sharing Cinnamon Sugar Surprise
Chad was just getting started; he wanted a burger and fries.
I had spent years eating arugula and sprouts
Organic fruit, and probiotics, and all those intense workouts
But I was beaten by Chad, who spends life before a screen
I've hung up my bike, life isn't just tough, it's also downright mean.
analogous to expending precious Air Supply
embellishing, modifying, revising, et cetera
a poem crafted about fourteen months ago.
I take stock and revisit good ole days of yore
quite conscious undeclared state of war
prevails within body (Electric
Light Orchestra) of troubadour,
whereby creative juices did perforce pour
forth as if sung by one man koor;
now he haply seated at his Macbook Pro
today April 29th, 2022
accompanied with Christopher Robin,
Winnie the Pooh, and Eeyore.
Since January thirteenth of this year
(two thousand and twenty two),
yours truly suddenly feels
long in the tooth, i.e. auld,
he whose decrepit body and
gnarled hands ice cold
senility and senescence doled
rigor mortis virtuous vice grip extolled
coronavirus (COVID-19) motherlode
courtesy geomorphology dynamism fold
analogous to discovered vein of mined gold
grim reaper with scythe doth silently infold
(in Old English, scythe spelled siðe)
ore yonder church bell knolled
anonymous beat nickles less,
dime a dozen, day late
and dollar short sexagenarian
dropped out of Culture Club
(any strong resemblance between said poet
whose Grateful Dead head lolled,
and once living person purely coincidental)
death and decay, I lichen to mold
meself finally nill and void nolde
of unwanted excessive fleshy flab
scant personal possessions outsold
to highest bidder polled.
Dead weatherbeaten and fatigued soul
with absolute zero regret
no longer being alive,
immortality impossible mission to connive,
especially when endurance and stamina
took kamikaze nose dive
formerly earthlinked buzzfeeding
desiccated honeycomb hive
in tandem with former anxiety riddled psyche
need no longer worry
his existence perfect example
how hardship did misthrive
death be not proud penultimate quest
since adolescence (think anorexia nervosa)
he did (unsuccessfully) strive.
From a boy to a man
Just a wee lad, pants begining to wear,
His Mum used a basin to cut his hair.
His Mum worked hard, no Dad you see,
Burnt herself out feeding her family.
School to him was both good and bad,
Always bullied because he had no Dad.
It was also good,he loved to learn.
Sad it stopped early, he had to earn.
A job he soon got, to learn a trade,
He'd do anything as long as it paid.
It didn't take long for it to sink in,
It would take years for trade to begin.
Walked out of one job into another quick,
Chopping and changing, didn't do the trick.
He needed to settle, not somewhere near,
So he chose the Army to get a career.
Boy Soldier/Apprentice he had become,
With regular money to send home to Mum.
The basin cut was now a short back and sides,
Army clothes were itchy, never quite his size.
At least they were new and his shoes now fit,
He looked halfway decent in his army outfit.
A scrawny and gangling lad of fifteen at the start,
Never had so much gear of his own to look smart.
Good food in his belly, regular three times a day,
Started filling out nicely in a muscular way.
He'd always been fit,no flab had he gained,
He got leaner and stronger, each day he trained.
Days of schooling and running soon became his life.
Still bullied by some who thought they were right,
He was biding his time while being taught to fight.
The day came when the bully came to attack,
But trouble was waiting, the wimp could fight back.
A fight ensued, the bully soon found he was tried,
By the scrawny kid who had cowered and cried.
The defensive moves the lad had practiced well,
Soon all could see the bully was beaten to hell.
The kid from the back streets in days gone past,
Had now grown and become a man at last.
© Dave Timperley June 2016
I loathe shucking clothes,
(no matter eyes severely myopic)
in preparation for here goes
another warm shower quickly
relaxing this senescent
body ready to doze
soon after lathering
this blubbery body
most unwanted fat grows
on me, no matter healthy diet
of worms, or how I stand,
not so easy add a pose
zing losing battle – Mary Jo's
if and geeze us of bulge ill flattering
particularly quiverly, sans white
"WALL" tire tread fully goes
steely belted around lower
abdominal area like lava floes
siring unsightly expose
yore squishy Jew dish priestly
punchy,plasma paunchy, gristly...
pillow like marshmallows
fittingly, rotundly soundly
identical with other schlep
tin (tin tabulation) grungy hobos,
this lap pissed lard (lord) Who Lee
bemoaning, how ilk readily knows,
where unwanted bulky flab...
most detested - hence Corp Yule Lance
leaves noth thin to noblesse oblige,
know bull eats obese,
anorexia nervosa or chance
barking out orders reminiscent, when he
hapt tubby a caller at
weekly square and/or contra dance,
now requisitioned to insulate
and excessively enhance
body electric can be mushed
into likeness of fleshy France
or repurposed into expanse
resembling any country,
whose name Kants
be easily pronounced, and historical
events glommed together recognizable
as Ataturk with a lance
bequeathed to rule World advance
sing gluttony as his divine providence,
thus requires deep dish allegiance
(non - fiber - binding contract)
for eats and make decadent
every fleshpot gourmand
stretching cellular skein to capacitance
bestowing guaranteed deliverance
with their rolling
ballooning massive circumference
into orbit with Earthly moon officiant
eternal fondue irrelevance!
The Ancient mutiny of the Twain
In the beginning were both made
To dwell in unison and not to trade
You abode with each other in Eden
And never was anyone a burden.
The Author made one with the soiling sand
Molding him beautifully like he had been caned
So there he laid breathlessly dead
Until the creator’s speech you fed.
And then you arouse, man and woman;
He made you to guard the earth like a foreman
Visiting you day and night
Until the day your lust took you to flight.
Then I recall the commencement of the ancient mutiny of the twain
The flesh against the spirit intertwine
The world; since then the flesh held in bondage
The other kept it from all damage.
The flesh waging a wailing war at the spirit
To eternally take man to hades to seal it
Till the ‘Spinner of life’ sent Love
To the earth He had given man ancient to have.
Love paid the price to set the epithelium free
By then both had been divided like the walls of the red sea
Only death on the shrub could breech the gab
And no one, man could love than the creator’s flab.
Love fought until he shouted ‘it is finished!’
Man since then could never be tarnished
Eden’s emancipation had been regenerated
And humanity had been totally consecrated.
And yet there stood the flesh and the spirit
The impact of man’s fall could not tell it
For since then the ancient mutiny of the twine still persist
And I, am left with the spirit to steadfastly resist.