Long Farts Poems
Long Farts Poems. Below are the most popular long Farts by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Farts poems by poem length and keyword.
'the horror, the....horror'
moaned colon-el kurtz
as he lay dying
...............................
'rump....it's t-rump'
cheered the crowds at his
anger...stupidity....and lies
just some level of conscious cognition
fostered by a rich spoiled bankruptcy star
to attract others of some 'deserving ilk'
so-called adults
educated and blind-dumb
with respect logic of reality
a rampant killer virus
the great rump farts
'it will only take a few'
he metaphored...'ah….it's my ego
it needs de...me-dication....
some food....martyrs in the crowd'
then t-rump roared
'the party has turned against me....
by i shall destroy it first'
then he wailed
'demonstrators are the problem....
martial law is now in effect'
'the chaos...unbelievable...the….chaos'
moaned those watching tv in bed
'where are the grown-ups'
locked away no doubt
in old age homes
their wisdoms dying
stan sand
Never argue with a woman when she's tired or rested
One good turn gets most of the blankets
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man
are usually the same ones she can't stand years later
It's better to be looked over than overlooked
Definition of an ******: gland finale
Virginity can be cured
Sex has no calories
Did you ever notice that anyone in favor of birth control
has already been born
The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard
Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you
Never pass up an opportunity to pee
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in the hospital
dying of nothing
No one is listening until you fart
Never hold in your farts... they travel up your spine to your brain
and that's where your crappy ideas come from
A man with both feet firmly on the ground is a man
who can't get his pants off
A lie travels round the world while truth is putting its boots on
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead
A day spent in a well was a day well spent
My ex-wife still misses me but her aim is improving
I googled, “how to start a wildfire”... got 48,572 matches
I'm not as think as you drunk I am
Told my wife I was seeing a psychiatrist... she told me
she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
A closed mouth gathers no feet
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
Fannie Strumpet is a flatulent floozy
With each wiggle her rump lets out a doozy
She blows out so much gas
Foul vapor from her a$$
It's asphyxiating and makes me woozy
Fannie lets 'em rip without hesitation
When I point a finger in accusation
She points hers back at me
and laughs saying, "Phew Wee!"
I'm tempted to enact strangulation
I threatened to have the woman arrested
Indecently walking around bare breasted
She farted in my face
Through her panties of lace
I think I was infected and molested
One night Fannie was with a man she'd just met
When she tooted he left, much to her regret
Rectal fumes exploded
He screamed, "You're corroded!"
Her tail expels toxins like a gas jet
Fannie saw a doctor of proctology
She farted without making an apology
She disgusted him so
He said, "Madame, just go.
You're a noxious threat to world ecology!"
I don't fear being assaulted by her smut
She was sued; the case was open and shut
The streets no longer stink
Cuz Fannie's in the clink
For hiding lethal weapons in her butt
October 1, 2021
May the Gas Be With You-Farts Part 2 Contest
Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cooke
the writer
Now let us try this again to write a document
With one letter marching nicely in front of the other
Like adding instead of using numbers to give the written
words prettiness, even if the theme is about unnatural sex.
The fact is the diesel smell at the bus terminal
Six o`clock in the morning, when the cleaning lady starts her
low-paid work has nothing to do with anything had they
here going to university, they could sit in fine offices
and go to the hairdresser at nine, a woman who can just
read and write, luckily for the ladies, she skipped school.
The driver of the bus enters farts loudly, and that is ok
But I could have shown some respect. It is odd to think
if all women had higher education and looked up to the blue
sky, who should make my dinner?
Have fun playing baseball, hint number one
finish the season though you’ve never won.
Can’t win if you don’t play, work on point two
find the skills you need, then practice them too.
The count’s at three, try to pick the right clothes
Not too tight pants and zippers that will close.
Moving on to cleats with thought number four
be sure they fit, that’s what sizes are for.
And rule five: no cussing, use your tongue's brake,
backtalk, name-calling are habits to break.
Watch your temper, ideal number six -
you’re not that feisty cat which your dog sic’s.
As for step seven, it’s long overdue
learn from your mistakes, know what NOT to do.
Keep the dugout clean, we’ll call this clue eight
squelch farts, don’t throw up cause you over ate.
Tip nine; learn when to bunt and when to steal
It makes for more fun, but takes nerves of steel.
One more then done with these suggestions ten -
if you chew gum, spit your wad in the tin.
World Series fades, into new pastimes we buy
...Roll on, past baseball to a creed we can live by,
...Respect for others grants our ego fond goodbye.
October 22, 2022
~ Trick or Treat on the Moon ~
The man in the moon's really kind of neat
Every Halloween he plays trick-or-treat
When astronauts come
He acts kind of dumb
"Green cheese is all I can give you to eat."
~ The Turkeys in Tennessee ~
The turkeys in Tennessee are so smart
They're never in Thanksgiving shopping carts
They've learned how to duck
To avoid bad luck
When the ax swings, they emit giant farts
~ Christmas 'Carol' ~
Every Christmas there's a gal named Carol
Whose awful voice turns celebrants sterile
She sings Christmas songs
And always gets 'gonged'
Listeners don hospital apparel
HAPPY UPCOMING HOLIDAY SEASON!
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess
“Will you marry me?”, the Princess said, “No!”
But the Prince lived happily ever after
As away on his Harley-Davidson he rode
He started dating lotsa full-breasted women
Hunted and fished and raced cars
Was seen courting ladies less than half his age
Drank Guinness and frequented bars
Been quite a while since he's heard any nagging
And he never paid child support
Romanced gorgeous cheerleaders regularly
Mud wrestling was his favourite sport
Ate Spam, french fries and Boston baked beans
Blew enormous earth shattering farts
A rebellious soul who left toilet seats up
Freaking cool and happy as a lark!
© Jack Ellison 2013
this company is heading straight to the top
with our new improved line of fairy farts
soon our catch phrase will be all over the place
a slight touch of magic in a jar
first and foremost a disclaimer though
in the making of farts not one fairy was harmed
we house and feed, take care of their every need
so there's no need for alarm
once we discovered how the toots could be used
down here on fairy farm
we've had all our men chase after them
capturing bottom barks into a jar
then by hand we transfer them
from pint up to gallon size
to be used all the way from laundry detergent
to a line of makeup that's soft on the eyes
we even have samples of candles
bath and body works just bought the whole lot
plus it runs machines cheaper than gasoline
so far the highest bid is from Exon
we're also in talks of a contract
with a highly secretive govern(mental) agency
who wants all the gas with no questions asked
but on that we'll have to wait and see
in the mean time our workers continue to bottle it up
all the fairy farts from all the fairy butts
it's a job that flatuates deep to the heart
but with this job what's not to love
as you watch the fairies flutter to and fro
hearing the cute little toots wherever they go
who would have guessed who could have known
how much a business like this would grow
Two players were vying at darts,
there’s chaos when somebody farts
Both players deny
letting a fart fly
and suddenly the trouble starts
Maybe their gut gave them some gyp,
and secretly they just let rip
The smell of rotten eggs
wafted between his legs
This wasn’t deemed good gamesmanship!
The farting was done with precision,
and captured on the television
The stench lingered around
till the winner was crowned
It’s lucky it’s not smellovision!
I couldn’t resist writing after reading this article in the press!
https://news.sky.com/story/darts-players-let-rip-as-they-accuse-each-other-of-farting-during-match-11557078
11/19/18
Poet Jan just breezed into town
Her huge farts made some people frown
They all pinched their noses
Carried scented roses
Her flatulence let their town down
So they locked her up in the jail
How the inmate’s faces turned pale
A rank putrid smell
Arose from her cell
But Arthur still stumped up her bail
He said you can come stay with me
We will munch fried beans and curry
I’ve got no sense of smell
So we’ll get along well
I’m just glad I could set you free!
My contribution to Jospeh May's Limerick Collaboration
Jan and the Sheriff'
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/jan_and_the_sheriff___collaboration_912006
06-26-17