Long Drunk as a skunk Poems
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"Drunk as a skunk"
Flimsy after whimsy
Flunk and debunk
Or mastered getting "plastered"
"Tipsy as a gypsy"
Sunk like a monk
Miss nights out "on the p*ss"
We shan't blush...can't hush
Us as we gush about the rush
Bliss to kiss the alcoHOLE abyss
Have a crush on the plush
Flush flights of a proper "lush"
Grinned while you sinned
Smile..getting in a right mess
Room spinned ... plans binned
Betting the style's "blotto" lotto
Pinned motto bless the "legless"
Jolly golly gosh "sloshed"
What beats "3 sheets to the wind"
Need a slash..have to crash
After being out on the lash
"Smashed"..bish bash boshed
'Off your trolley" wally or dolly
Bedazzled frazzle on the razzle
Laughter after a dafter shindig swig
On the "sozzle"..off his head ..off to bed
Reason for that big red schnozzle
Let's be frank those who get "tanked"
Get thanked...no..blanked & spanked
Don't deride those who decide
To get plied with or "pie eyed" with pride
Have a tiff with those who chose skew whiff
No need upsetting or fretting
Over a drunkard with a tankard
Rum dumb herbert on the sherbert
Woozy boozy floozy doozy
Getting whistle whetting "wanker*d"
Abuser..winner or loser
The boon of the last saloon
All soon forgetting having hankered
For.. then regretting that final boozer
"Wasted"...sauce basted I stammered
Could've plucked for being "f**cked"
Decoded it besetting with maybe "loaded"
Why's he passed on the class "rat-arsed"
Not fussed..nonplussed he cussed
Sussed just with mates getting 'hammered"
So don’t muzzle the "guzzler"
Cripple the ripple of the "tippler"
Can’t match "down the hatch"
Or sip & sup..because "bottom’s up"
No frowning cake-hole sold on downing
Beer.. .neck oil by heck will spoil our laughing gear
Crowning the glory or gory story
Comedy gold told of being "arsehol*d"
Ickle fickle wee "pickled" trickle tickle
Temptation of a nifty sneaky shifty
Iffy & squiffy in a jiffy veneration
Don't be piddly about diddly while tiddly
They might from afar mutter
Wot a nutter...one too many jars
One too many bars ..not caring...I would utter
Have a flutter...I’m lying in the gutter
Rego & I flying while staring at the stars
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
But the elephants have to be nude
Half of all Americans over fifty
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
World's shortest man was only 21 inches
Had to have his tuxedo specially made
Wives want more sex reading love stories
Husbands have it made in the shade
There's lots of howling in India at night
Law says you can marry your dog
Once the U.S. issued a 5 cent bill
Vending machines got all clogged
Babies are often dropped on their head
More serious than colic by far
Males sweat more than ladies when caught
With their hands in the cookie jar
It has been estimated that at any one time
0.7 % of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My in-law is always drunk as a skunk
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world afore they're done
No wonder I don't feel like I get enough sleep
But I'm probably not the only one!
There's a story from Dixon
About some ole drunk
Who came in the courtroom
Drunk as a skunk
When asked by the judge
Sir how do you plea
He pulled out a 5th
And said this ones on me
Unsure what he meant
The judge threw him in jail
Without that ole bottle
Without chance of bail
When his attorney asked him
Why cause such a rift
He simply stated
I pleaded the fifth
When word of the meaning
Got back to the judge
He released him the same day
It caused such a buzz
All the people in town
Still chomp at the bit
To tell the story of Barney
And how he pleaded the fifth
Unsure what he meant
The judge threw him in jail
Without that ole bottle
Without chance of bail
When his attorney asked him
Why cause such a rift
He simply stated
I pleaded the fifth
The day Barney died
The judge came to grieve
Said here you go Barney
This ones on me
So if you pass through Dixon
Or just stop for a bit
You'll hear the story of Barney
And how he pleaded the fifth
When the judge found it funny
He chose to acquit
And old Barney won
When he pleaded the fifth
It's been estimated that at any one time
One per cent of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My friends are always drunk as a skunk
World's shortest man was 20 inches tall
Had to have his Jockeys specially made
Wives want more sex in their romance novels
Guys have got it made in the shade
Half of Americans over age fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
Or 300 people in the nude
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they die
No wonder we all feel so totally run down
Pretty amazing between you and I
© Jack Ellison 2012
It's been estimated that at any one time
One per cent of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My friends are always drunk as a skunk
World's shortest man was 20 inches tall
Had to have his Jockeys specially made
Wives want more sex in their romance novels
Guys have got it made in the shade
Half of Americans over age fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
Or 300 people in the nude
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they die
No wonder we all feel so totally pooped out
Pretty amazing between you and I
© Jack Ellison 2015
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
But the elephants have to be nude
Half of all Americans over fifty-five
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
World's shortest man was only 21 inches
Had to have his tuxedo specially made
Wives want more sex reading love stories
Husbands have it made in the shade
There's lots of howling in India at night
Law says you can marry your dog
Once the U.S. issued a 5 cent bill
Vending machines got all clogged
Babies are often dropped on their head
More serious than colic by far
Males sweat more than ladies when caught
With their hands in the cookie jar
It has been estimated that at any one time
0.7 % of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My in-laws are always drunk as a skunk
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world 'fore they're done
No wonder I don't feel like I get enough sleep
But I'm probably not the only one!
© Jack Ellison 2012
Got drunk as a skunk, at a debutante
Eye catching tat I want. With no regrets
a masterpiece of art that I can flaunt
clearly expressing my love for Begretz
Fritz loves Begretz on a red crimson heart.
When the artist was done the tattoo read
Ritz loves Begets on a red crimson heart
With grieve I departed , I know I’m dead
Pearl, in no way cared, that was a big void
I’m all wrinkled wishing I was younger
Instead of guessing and getting annoyed
now you know the tattoo is no longer
Young and reckless, no more needs to be said
I’m still alive with the life that I led
9/3/2016
Poetry Contest
Which Of The Four Would You Choose - cartoon #4
Sponsored by: Sara Kendrick |
Sonnet: 10 syllables per line, rhyme scheme abab, cdcd, efef, gg ..Fourteen lines with last two lines like a summary of the poem..