In An Average Lifetime
In a average lifetime, humans usually eat
About sixty thousand pounds of food
That's equal to the weight of six elephants
But the elephants have to be nude
Half of all Americans over fifty
No longer possess their own choppers
Be careful if you get into a fight with one
They'll gum you to death right proper
World's shortest man was only 21 inches
Had to have his tuxedo specially made
Wives want more sex reading love stories
Husbands have it made in the shade
There's lots of howling in India at night
Law says you can marry your dog
Once the U.S. issued a 5 cent bill
Vending machines got all clogged
Babies are often dropped on their head
More serious than colic by far
Males sweat more than ladies when caught
With their hands in the cookie jar
It has been estimated that at any one time
0.7 % of the world is drunk
Actually thought it'd be a whole lot higher
My in-law is always drunk as a skunk
The average person walks the equivalent
Of twice round the world afore they're done
No wonder I don't feel like I get enough sleep
But I'm probably not the only one!
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