Long Crabby Poems

,Once upon a time, there was a castle made of pure ivory. Pillars pale and barren holding a surface of grace and elegance. This castle was the home of a mighty unicorn named Stardust. She...

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Sponsor: Carol Eastman

Long before Christmas had become a jolly folklore,
I met a grandfatherly man...
He was clean shaven, tiny and crabby,
And always wore a floppy black suit, his name was Mr. Atnas.

See, I was at such...

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Legend has it that six hundred years ago, lived a creature of the wild. His name was Talos. He held the strength of a bear yet wore the coat of a fox. He was deep...

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This poor dope needs to work on his memory - 


Early one morning while me and the wife were lying in bed…in the raw…
She caught me staring at what I would feel was the cutest...

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Chief egalitarian garbage taster i.e. “white trash”

As Halloween costume, 
one year during early grade school, 
my father got brilliant idea 
for sole son dressed
uniquely rubbish qua 
putrid offal getup. 

Missus Shaner (talon clawed, 
shriveled relic...

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What have we become?
         We who used to sit in my bedroom
         listening to Beatles records on headphones.
We spoke...

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Cooped within ancient bodies, this inhabitant 
dwells amongst an elder net 
of crabby, crotchety, curmudgeonly claque 
of old folks, only a portion of population I met
which achey, flaky, kooky motley crue 
disgruntlement fed as peevish...

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She bustles
her boys out of bed
grouse, groan, growl
groggy gripes
snarky snipes, as they squabble
their way to breakfast

Packs their lunch
crunch, smack, munch, they eat
hurry boys-
catch the bus
flurry and fuss all the way
outdoors, scuffing floors

She sighs, so
relieved, can't...

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This poem was written by an old man who died in the geriatric
Ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Neb.  He left nothing 
Of  value, only this poem which I thought had...

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I found this old poem while helping to clean out a house that was vacant. I hope you 
don't mind that I didn't write it but it was too awesome not to post. Enjoy--------
 ...

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There was an old lady, a frumpy old bag
who people called horrid, a witch and a hag
And 'though she was ugly and danced 'mid moonbeams
all was not quite as it might've then seemed

Old-fashioned black clothing...

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Do not be self-conscious or anything, but I have got my big ,rotatorof an eye on you.
I know your mama and yourdad, and I’m willing to let them know if you are not being true.
I...

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Players So Short

Even if my players are still so short,
Can count on God when on the court;
Defend and depend,
Until very end;
Trough trials and tribulations did support.

Jim Horn

Will Believe and Receive
.
Remember when in God we always...

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I dream of a right and jolly Christmas
I don’t dream of a white or snowy Christmas
It’s very slippery and treacherous when it snows
To go to church, I wear leather shoes
And it’s easy to fall and...

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Teachers, Teachers.
Teachers Teach us.
They give us speeches and praise us like Jesus
But they're not holy, swag.
They cater solely, for themselves;So selfish. 
Some are rude and crabby;So shellfish.
There are fat teachers, black teacherswhite teachers, nice teachersmean...

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Out apon the sea.
Its hard to catch some relife.
Or find some time to set willy free.

It's a priates life no need to back your 
bags.
Just grab a pint.
When in port avoid the sea hags.

Swab the...

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Hub bomb bin hubble emotional wreckage
tell tale signs of internal war
ah, there moost be lifelong conspiracy
afoot for a Galician voar

try as I might to Lyft myself
out of penury...this Uber
scribe reckons way back when,
my life took...

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Photographers on the lawn were making such a fuss
Woke me up to tell me I was now in Queen of every country.
You mean in this hemisphere? I asked them. But no….
They meant I was Her...

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A magic mirror told the queen that Snow White was the fairest in the land!
This put Her Majesty in a terrible snit and to the woods she had her banned!
She hired a hit man to...

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She was lovely, a beautiful kind soul, giving, loving, generous, but also apologetic for being alive.
Her light gray eyes danced and pranced, and her laugh was hearty when you got to know her.
Lots of people...

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The Hermit
Part 1

Beyond Two Sullen Hill, not too far away,
Lives a solitary man, bitter, old and grey.
Known as the Hermit with heart of cold,
His life of unpleasantness is often told.

Many believe you would turn to...

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So young and so in love
       in a marriage from above-
Countless surgeries on my
ovaries,
How much can one woman
           ...

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We are going on a trip to the British Isles
and Channel Island of Guernsey and Normandy.
This sure should be quite a cruise. Here is my
first poem I am writing about it even though I
have not...

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'Tis well known that when medicating cats they can become rather crabby,
So, this free advice is provided when feeding pills to the family tabby.
As if holding a baby, cradle the cat in the crook of...

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The young and eager parson had completed his seminary education.
He girded his loins to battle sin and lead the wayward to salvation!
The pastoral selection committee after a long and deliberate search,
Invited him to pastor at...

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