Long Confusionme Poems
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O how I wonder what the night will bring...
Will it bring me some one to feel a fling?
A fling that is brisk and quick that will make me fall in love again?
Will the night be peaceful enough not to scare my timid heart with it's darkness.
I sit here on this park wood bench and hopefully I'd get a quench
to get up and leave, before onlookers see
that I am alone and I do not need their pitying eyes rubbing on my back.
But a whisper of wind has turn my head before I could get up.
O by what meaning of the howling sun is this!?
You lower your glow so I could miss
a face that shimmers when you splash her your warming waves,
Hair that yells it last call of hues of Burgundy brown before it shadows into the night.
My midway stance makes me look fumbled and I decide no more!
I shall leave before I'm made a fool of this wanted chocolate kiss...
candied covered skin; the ones that I always delighted for...
No more! No more! No more hypnotism from this addicting looking woman.
"Would you like to sit?"
O I've been struck!
By the sound of chocolate milk pouring into my head.
Delicious milk it is, shall I take another sip?
But Here I've stay to watch the sun sleep
and then the yellow became the white
for the moon was shinning bright, and stars began to say:
Don't you want her to stay?
O but how could I have ask of this?
If you would see a fool in bliss
he could not ask for more after this wish
how I ponder all of this as I watch her hair play with her face...
And as I watch, she displays
a really something type of face
a face with kindness and wild thought
a really wanting type of face
a face that lingers in my thoughts
a really flaunting type of face
a face I need to keep unlocked
She places her hand on my chin;
"Would you like some Hot cocoa from the cafe?"
..my mind has fainted
my eyes went blank
and there she waited
till I came back
And as watch, she displays
a really something type of face
and then the yellow became the white
O how I wonder what the night will bring...
I can no longer hear the voices,
so now I'm not sure what to say.
I've come to the conclusion
that they would know a better way to tell this story.
At least if I could hear their opinions or suggestions,
that would help me to get a definite idea in what order this should be said.
They might of even told me when to add something important,
and leave out the unneeded information.
After all, I've known them for so long, and had their help this far,
I'm not exactly good at these types of things anymore.
Many things have happened, but I don't know where to start,
let alone the fact that my mind tricks me into seeing what isn't there,
and for once they aren't here to warn me.
It's like one moment my memories are engraved in stone,
to the next moment they are being washed away by the ocean tide,
taking the restless sand out to sea.
Thats the big problem with being labeled, crazy;
you're never sure about the things you see.
I could start by telling you,
it ended in death but to that effect, it also started in death.
So, I'm not exactly sure of what to say.
Maybe, just maybe I could try to remember something before I went utterly mad.
All I know in this moment is that some people died,
and I'm lucky enough not to be one of them.
The voices told me so,
that was the last thing they said nefore they left me alone.
instead of their whispers,
all I have now is the medications that are beign shoved down my throat daily.
The oval egg-shell blue pill, or my psychotropic pill sickens me.
Followed by me swollowing the pill,
my mouth becomes dry until I'm practily weezing and gasping for air,
as I bang my fists against my own chest so I can breathe.
This pill is like an elevator that can only stay
in one place for so long but cannot go up.
The doctors keep saying no matter how happy I feel,
it's just a facade, a hoax, a joke,
for the real emotion is lying in wait for the right moment to pounce and release my
hell bound anger,
or so they tell me
Form:
Why do you push me?
is it because
you know that
I'm already so close
to the edge?
I can only
go so far
before I fall off,
but maybe
you already know that.
Maybe
you want me
to fall,
to be crushed,
to die
on the jagged rocks
below.
Maybe you
want to see
my blood
dripping from
my heart,
bleeding from
my eyes,
just like the tears
you cried
for me.
Or maybe you
don't want
me to fall,
just to be so close
to the edge,
so very close
so that
maybe
you can rescue me.
Maybe
you just want me
to go back
to that place
where
our love exists,
or at least
once existed,
if you even
want to call it
love
at all.
but I won't go
back.
There's no way.
We had nothing but
meaningless words
and lying
hearts but
it wasn't our fault.
It was everything
around us,
inside us,
and even above us
looking down
on us
not meaning
a thing they do
to us
but not knowing
that they're
doing
so much,
which is probably
just like you
right now,
not knowing that
I'm so very close
to the edge,
about to fall off,
to lie on the jagged rocks,
bleeding because you
pushed me
just a little too far.
Maybe you really
don't mean it,
you don't mean a thing
you do to me that
hurts me at all.
Maybe you just
don't care
anymore.
Maybe I'm the one
holding on
to what should be
let go of.
Maybe I don't know
anything anymore.
Maybe
the whole world
is trying
to tell me to
listen,
to understand,
to wake up to
what is going on.
Maybe I just
don't want to
wake up.
Maybe I want
to stay in my
dream world.
It's definitely better
here.
Out there you never know
what to think,
believe,
or who to listen to
and to trust.
Maybe I'm
not cut out to live
in this world.
Maybe I really don't exist.
Maybe YOU don't exist.
Maybe I just made
you up.
You're an excuse
for me.
Maybe there's no one
pushing me but
I'm just walking
willingly,
or maybe even
running
toward the edge,
or maybe
there really is
no edge at all.
Beautiful, how we burn, sweet, how we scream, horizon, what we build, look at it now, is falling
down, dead less feelings covering mental capacity, dying to build up a wall were the enemy will
not cross, but a lifetime is not enough for the work we desire, i love the way you scream to me,
but i feel i want to destroy you, dismember you and bury your remains, ashes? Sympathy walks
with me and ha no meaning, i don't need sympathy, not today, not morrow, not again, is not i
will but i must, is not my game but im playing still, the hater of the agony will back off before I
explode, inside a system, what system? No, i can't understand what is going on, help us! Not
tonight, not today, sun becomes dark while the moon freezes the heavens with cold
embracement, is gone, trought the tomb of our parents, but i was told another story, does it
change history? Help! I need help here, im lost and i don't understand this hell, can't open my
eyes but the light is making e blind, i don't see trought the hollow bottle but i know there's some
one on the other side, confusion swallows a mind of horror, is here, is now, is later, were is the
throne of hades! Were is crecious! Give us back our soul, but who fought alongside me, i don't
know, place help me now, please explain to me what the world never seen, give me everything,
but leave me poor, i want to die here, but please help me run, away, were the sun will not burn,
were the moon will not freeze, hell is light, haven is lighter, but i want hell a place i can rest in
freedom, but heaven is lighter were the eternity seems coldly calm in bliss, freedom is spread
on agony, i don't understand this, either do you, how do i see when my eyes are sewed by the
enemy, how do i scream when my voice is acid burned, how do i hear when all i know is an
eternal scream, but i still know what happen to the world we once knew...
We must be careful that we don’t become
As one dimensional as our shadow
Life is an ever-changing thing
What we are today
May not be what we are tomorrow
We must learn how to adapt
To the ever changing tides of life
I have been questioning who I am
Because in the last five years
My life and who I am has changed many times
The devil attacks me on many levels
For he knows how to distort the truth
And turn my mind against myself
Thankfully my wife knows how to help me see
That even though my disabilities keep me from work
My own desire to help others
Keeps me busy throughout each and everyday
Many elderly people in my community
Have come to depend on me in many ways
I found out that I won’t be released to work till 09
If even then
For almost two years I have been a housewife
Battling diseases and injuries
Waiting and hoping to get back to work
Now I learn that may not happen without retraining
I don’t really even know what this poem is about
All I know is that the Lord is leading me to something
And the devil is trying to get me to throw it all away
I feel like a ping-pong ball
Getting slapped back and forth between the two
I know that I’ve became a good housewife
And never does anyone ask me for help
That I don’t do all I can to help them
The Lord blesses me for my efforts
As my wife comforts me
Whatever the Lord leads me to be
I will become
Because my wife has ask me to not be
As one dimensional as my shadow
You know I posted this poem (if you could
even call it that) and deleted it three times
in a row. I think I'm asking for prayer for
guidance. My wife thinks I'm right where I
need to be and I should just accept it and
keep doing what I'm doing and go back to
Collage full time. This sure isn't what I thought
recovery would be. God Bless you all.
Who am I?
I’m sure this is a question we all ask ourselves from time to time.
What’s my purpose what reasons do I have to carry on and what is good in my life.
I find myself asking these questions everyday.
I feel lost, I feel as though my life has somehow detoured.
Like a train who’s tracks were suddenly switched,
Careening down a path that I do not know.
I feel like some outsider to my own life.
As If I am watching myself and my actions from somewhere above.
I try to understand morality, conviction, loyalty.
But somehow, I just can’t grasp it.
I can’t understand these ideas and concepts.
I realize the things I do are considered wrong and odd.
But by whom? Who are these people that condemn me?
Who are these people that set up these boundaries and restrictions?
Society? History?
I don’t understand them. I know what I feel and what I feel like doing.
It doesn’t always make since but how else are we suppose to live.
Are we not suppose to act on our baser instincts in order to truly experience life?
Whether it be for better or not.
I would like to be able to conform, and to live a simple non complex life as others.
Free of the constant wrenching of right and wrong.
But that’s not me.
I’ve done horrible things, unloyal, unforgivable, unimaginable things.
But haven’t we all?
I would like to think that many are like me but I begin to believe they simply are not.
I want the world around me to understand me to adjust to me.
It will never happen.
Shunned and ashamed I fear I will cower away into nothingness.
What purpose is their then?
What meaning to an existence so depreciated?
I don’t have any answers,
But I will go on.
I will wake up everyday to this black and white world.
If only one day to see it as hazy and discolored as I see myself everyday.
Form:
I am who your not , I shall never die ,if you turn you're back on me I will forever
cry . I was sent here from above , the angels threw me down ,I will walk here on this
earth like a laughing evil clown. while I walk I'll search for you , trampling in the mud ,but
not for long, I'll then see you're face and then I'll smell your blood . You don't know what
you'll mean to me when I taste you'r skin ,I did not want your soul ,, but then you let me
in .
But now I have you in my grasp ,,,,never to let go ,,,,no one new the pain I've felt ,but now
you'll always know . You cannot look through my eye's I doubt you ever will ,,, but if you
could read my mind you would know I'm i'll.
My thought's are like a marry go round
twisting all the time , you will never see my pain ,,your eye's are going blind . This world no
longer apart of me , I live out in this void , I can no longer taste your fear,I am the
paranoid . Cast to outer darkness no pain do I feel ,I don't know if I'm live or dead , I don't
know whats real . I will just take my life each and every time , I will sort right through your
thoughts , until I know whats mine .
There is no tomorrow only yesterday , I will brake the legs of those who stand up
in my way . I am the prince of darkness taking all I need ,If you're bodies in my path on
your flesh I'll feed ,my fangs will tear your body ,ripping limb to limb , you can be seen in
my
face dripping from my grin .
james stevenson
Form:
could this be a dream?
though im sure im awake
im too hot to be cold
im a genuine fake
im alive and im dead
but my breathing wont stop
i was flying so high
its been such a long drop
im naively experienced
and my walk is a run
ive found that im lost
life began and was done
this brief moment of infinity
is so intricately plain
now that ive got it all together
i feel im going insane
im educated and ignorant
making less out of more
running swiftly behind
just to even the score
im so differently similar
in this crowd all alone
so confused by clear thinking
in my soft heart of stone
im in first place as im losing
in this race standing still
climbing higher on down
falling further uphill
ive been faithfully hopeless
through these bright darkened days
speeding behind the ahead
getting rich with no pay
do i question the answers?
and let go t o hold on?
growing stronger with weakness
standing apart to belong
my sure thing seems risky
i must so gently be bold
through this death i call life
im too young to be old
should i silently scream
in this poor land of kings?
succeding to fail
blindly seeing all things
being sane makes me crazy
closing my eyes while i stare
being simply complicated
breathing deep with no air
i must doubt the beliefs
i have purged into my soul
broadly narrowing the scars
giving and taking their toll
im creating destroyed feelings
running fast to nowhere
always praying as i sin
passionately having no cares
will i remember to forget
the past thats right now?
im guessing it is certain
without a clue il know how
the memories i wont think of
will remain vividly unclear
as i struggle to give in
bravely living in fear
may god chain me to freedom
in my battle for peace
as i stagger the straight line
hoping my pain begins to cease
A static wall is in my mind
For reasons I cannot define
This blurred out wall
Hides what I seek
For all I know it could be anything
Hopes
Dreams
What I wish to be
My very meaning
Through these clouded doors I see
My life
My dreams
All unfolding
This haze in my mind
Is blocking what I could see
All that I have wished
All that I have dreamed
All behind this one strange screen
Though this wall I need to break
Seems so far out of reach
I close my eyes and try to think
"But this is me, these are my dreams but why oh why must they hide from me?"
This wall is so close
Yet lost in this haze
Just please.
Please come to me
Please do not flee
Don’t go through that screen
The one I cannot reach
The one shrouded in mystery
Let me be free
Free to my own dreams
Not hide and cry thinking of what could have been!
Let me clear my mind of this white noise
Its cries are just defining
I just want to live my life
Clear from its wails
Let me be whole
Let me be free
Just let me take hold
Of all my dreams
You had your chance
You had your own dreams
Now stop clogging my mind
With all your misery
Let me live free!
Let me write my own destiny!
Static!
Clear my mind
So I can find that peace inside
Is not to hide
It is to find and define who you are
But how can that be achieved
If you keep my dreams under lock and key
Just release your hold
Just please believe
I don’t need all your memories
Let me walk without leash
Through any door I reach
Let me be myself and not thee
For even if you keep my dreams
Under that locked blurred scream
I will find a way to get them free
I will.
Believe me
This soul is vivid
And no cage will hold me
So you beware
You static cling
For I am coming
And hell I shall bring.
i cant think what to write
bang loves dead what a fright
as i sit here staring at the screen
all i need to do is scream
i wish she would hear my plea
i love her why cant she see
in my room i sit alone
feeling like the millionth clone
searching for the truth to find
im going out my simple mind
i think of things to write and say
best save them for a rainy day
without her here by my side
i feel my mortal soul has died
that fire that burnt so deep inside
has dwindled and down about died
hoping for another spark
to light it up in a fresh start
another love could not compare
im all alone in my dispare
my bodys broken soul has gone
can no longer i be strong
im losing the will to live
to you my heart did i give
you tore it up and threw it down
i didnt make a single sound
i thought id die without your love
im still here just need a shove
or a message from above
this feelin wont last that long
i just need to stay strong
im thinking straight now cant you see
im telling you to set me free
ill spread my wings
and fly away
to find love my special way
then youll see me walk right past
as if our love would ever last
ive broken the spell you cast
the love in me is so vast
youll never feel it once again
really thats just a shame
youll look back then youll see
what youve lost its plain to me
i hope you really can move on
stop playin our favourite song
my head is clear
i know which way my heart to steer
anothers love ill find
and hold so dear
without fear
only love cant break a heart
only love can mend it
love will come and go
but your heart will remain in you for eternity
Form: