Long Burping Poems
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Whatever did I do to wile away the time
Before poetry took over my brain
Walked around staring blankly into space
Burping and expelling methane
Really no direction I was truly a lost soul
The word 'zombie' enters my mind
But now I'm alive and cooking with gas
Rhyming away line after line
Friends all say, “knock that stuff off!”
Love to but my brain is obsessed
Even rhyme when I'm ordering a pizza
With this affliction I've surely been blessed
I lovingly remember the carefree days
Before poetry took over my life
I went to the park and did normal things
Like threatening little kids with a knife
If you think that line wasn't appropriate
Couldn't find another to rhyme
So don't go writing me nasty letters
I'm really not the violent kind
To end this silliness on an upbeat note
I've ended up on Poetry Soup
Met a big bunch of real friendly people
Sure happy I'm now in the loop
©Jack Ellison 2012
We have chili and oyster stew and the kids sneak desserts.
There is a plethora of storytelling going on.
Lots of laughter; Uncle Bill says things that are not for children.
He gets dressed down and acts compliant but isn’t.
We have gathered at grandma’s house. It is a potluck.
Six of the seven children are here; we speak of the seventh.
But he never comes; his wife’s family claims him every year.
We might see him in the summer, but only if she allows it.
There are seventeen cousins, and we have to open one gift at a time
While the grown-ups laugh and make fun of some of them.
There is always a gag gift, which we are encouraged to open first.
My gag gift was a 42 double D red bra when I was in 7th grade. Horrifying.
A family prayer before the meal; we gather around the table, hold hands.
When we do not all fit, we still hold hands, but from the next two rooms.
We know the handholding is imperative before the meal.
Always a burp and we accuse Uncle Bill who seems immensely pleased.
I had no idea how bleak Christmas would be without Uncle Bill.
But he passed of lung cancer in 1997, and it was a different Christmas.
Son Mike did his best to do the burping, but he was not as good at it.
We began setting a place for Uncle Bill and told stories about him after that.
An alligator always ate addax and antelopes.
Baby bats began bouncing before burping
Caterpillars climb cable crossings carefully
Dingos don't dine delicately during dinner.
Eager elephants enjoy easily eating eggplants
Funny frogs finally find flipping fun
Granny goat 's girl got green grapes
Healthy heavy happy hippos hate horrendous heat
Iguana is inhaling icky insects
Jolly Joey Jumps joyfully juggling jelly jars.
Kevin's kangaroo keeps kicking kids
Lions like long-legged little llamas
monkeys making magical music
Nightingales nest neatly nearby
Olly's old Ostrich outruns others
Polly parrot playfully peck puppies paws
Quick quirky quails quarrel quietly
Robert's rascally rabbits racing raccoons
Slinky slimy snakes slither slowly
Tony the Tiger tasted termites.
Unusual Ukari understands us
Voracious vicarious vultures visibly vibrate
Walruses wobble while wiggling wildly
x-ray tetras want worms
Young yellow yackety Yaks yawn
Zealous Zany Zesty Zebra
Have you seen it? ..I cry!
A Gwalligup ..with one great green eye!
Laughing from one ...of its many molten mouths
Licking the lips of another …my entrails to devour
Oh the agony …Oh the fright
Waiting, watching this Halloween night
Eternally vigilant …all must be
Ever warned ...that my end-you'll see!
Nothing can stop its grueling mewling yaws
No one is safe from its red daggered velvet purple paws
I am but a human …but human I feel no more
Gone is all grace and hope... right out the door
How can I have peace… knowing that gnarly thing is near?
Taking it’s time ….slowly slurping and burping its way to here!
(Please, forgive me for my horror ...please forgive me for my fright
…really it is nothing more ...than a nightmare... I had last night)
Monkey Man found in his perpetual boring bachelor flat
A darling tiny yellow spotted domesticated tabby cat.
The thing was mewing, and needed some milk.
Her coat was smooth, just a tad bit courser than silk.
Monkey Man embraced his privacy with a hermit type love.
But this helpless baby kitty snuggled up in a boxing glove.
He did not have the heart to throw it out into the wild.
It would have been eaten quickly, in a way not so mild.
He found out baby cats drink milk after he asked all over town.
With some coaxing and begging the baby drank half of it down.
You have to burp it, the old wives had told him relishing his plight.
Or you will be walking it as it wails from tummy ache all through the night.
Burping it was his undoing, it is when he became the cat’s daddy.
He lied to others about how long he kept it, and named it Paddy.
Six months later he was about to release Paddy into the wild
When he realized with pride, he couldn’t for this was his child!
Scam Likely called me eleven times yesterday
Fifty-two times this week
I do not pick up
I used to though
When I was younger sales calls were a personal challenge to me.
I wanted to see if I could make them hang up first.
Salesman: Do you own your own home?
Me: No, but I would love to. Can you send me some money?
Salesman: Would you love to have new windows?
Me: I live in a tent down by the river.
Salesman: I can give you a terrific insurance quote
Me; What’s that?
Salesman (or Scam Likely): I can tell you how to save money
Me: I save money by not paying for insurance.
When my children were younger, I discovered something marvelous.
If you hand the phone to a toddler, the child is delighted.
Babbling, gurgling and burping into the receiver with glee.
Scam Likely hangs up first every time.
never could this baby boomer papa –
lviii orbitz round mister sun as I write while wife
at present (takes her siesta) imagine
dragons, killer Queen Latifah countless ways,
thee first of deux daughters
would in vite learning how to comprehend
unfamiliar infant siren ear splitting strife
and mandatory pronto reception,
unwittingly ineluctably altering my life
prior to parturition of our eldest heiress,
ah wanna let
chew in on a bit about mess elf
before becoming a papa
no emotional, financial,
nor physical obligation dim manned did
obliged, nor required this bard **** to in debt
any of his waking and sleeping second,
minute, quotidian hour,
et cetera on behalf of another person Yukon bet
char sweet bippy, that despite initial onset
of anticipatory anxiety (no pet
tee personal issue; burping baby,
diapering, swaddling, et cetera fermi person
easily got shucked off), hitherto
didst any phenomena until then
force displacement of personal habits
to become secondary, and obviously,
seriously visibly up set
status quo, where embedded fixations
housed within this scribe
required reassignment of tasks
until salient event forced him to vet
any less important issues
to an unspecified future
date and/or time, which role
i.e. forsook luxury sans,
affordable focus on me,
and immediately didst force crash course
to keep figurative whet
stone sharp every waking
and sleeping moment of me life, yet....
though a crash course imposed role
viz immediate adjustment of mister mom
(which obviously necessitated significant sacrifice
upon the head of this major Tom)
never before until that juncture
such selfless experience ever met,
but in retrospect salutary outcome
found thoughts linkedin whereby
time never divided, partitioned,
or sectored off to another livingsocial being
I never took care of an infant,
when her crying heard
yet, the birth of E_ L_ H_ incurred
(born at Bryn Mawr Hospital),
No words completely rhyme with orange:
no orange fringe, no orange hinge,
no lozenge, no syringe, no twinge, no whinge – no nothing!
No words completely rhyme with orange.
Porridge isn’t orange; but, there is an Orange Province.
An orange stoppage - should be red!
Incorrigible orange!
The rhymes I’ve tried are negligible, barely sensible.
Horrid orange!
Purple is no better.
There are purple turtles, slurping, burping,
and purple pebbles, purple burbles:
all sorts of purply, chirpy, twerpy sounds,
but, no words rhyme with purple.
Silver is another colour which hasn’t got a twinning brother.
There are silver rivers, silver shivers, silver slivers, silver sisters;
but, there are no silver dilver milver pilvers,
and if there were, they’d smell like fish.
I actually prefer the almost-chimes of assonance,
the vowels that that twine with consonants,
without the over-confidence of lar-dee-dar-dee rhymes.
Whatever did I do to wile away my time
Before poetry took over my brain
Walked around staring blankly into space
Burping and expelling methane
Really no direction I was truly a lost soul
The word 'zombie' enters my mind
But now I'm alive and cooking with gas
Rhyming away line after line
Friends all say, “knock that stuff off!”
Love to but my brain is obsessed
Even rhyme when I'm ordering a pizza
This affliction has made me quite stressed
I lovingly remember those carefree days
Before poetry took over my life
I went to the park and did normal things
Threatening little kids with a knife
If you didn't think that line was appropriate
Couldn't find another to rhyme
So don't go writing me nasty letters
I'm really not the violent kind
To end this silliness on an upbeat note
I've ended up here in the Soup
Met a nice bunch of really friendly people
Sure happy I'm now in the loop
© Jack Ellison 2014
Quandary
I bought a zoo - a magic place
With extinct animals - maybe lost in space
Now in a quandary - what to do
I have an ailing Jurassic Zoo!
My Stegosaur snores with loud zings
My Pterodactyl sprained one wing
My Tyrannosaur is burping bubbles
My Brontosaur wheezes stubble
My Allosaur has the sniffles
My Triceratops has heartburn dismal
My Philoceratops has the flu
My Centrosaur snorts in blue
Can't just go to the local drugstore
For dinosaur remedies lost in lore
In a quandary - what to do
My vet won't set foot in my Jurassic Zoo
Now
My Wooly Mammoth has lost his hair
My Sabre-toothed Tiger has toothache scares
My Short Faced Bear has halitosis
My Irish Elk has spinal stenosis
My Giant Sloth hangs upside down
My Wooly Rhino fumes and frowns
My Mega Otter cannot swim
My Bear Dog grows cat teeth in him.
Think I have solved my quandary....
Buying lush woodlands with running streams
In that paradise - let them all run free
Every time I visit with warm scones and fine tea
They will come a running with greetings just for me.
10-1-21
Contest "Q"
Sponsor: Constance La France
Thank you Marikate for your inspiration!
10-8-22
Contest: Marathon Mile 16
Sponsor: Mark Toney