Long Ache Poems
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Written: December 07, 2023
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Awful rumors arose on a rainy day at twilight.
Dwelling in darkness, guilty of stealing light.
Drops in rhyme, color-and-time lyrics draw me.
Through vibrant strokes, a love riot sings poetry
Fearful and flawed, my soul whispered at dusk.
Bear me pain with no strain, as a rainy husk.
Shivering fingertips detect a rainy night's pulse.
Insecure, culpability, has been shown by impulse.
The moon shines on my soul-fitted trekker heart.
Spend the afternoon with cuteness and art.
My spirit delights in a giddy ache to free fall.
I persist on a wet day at dusk when claims call.
I am a hunter with heart prints, striving for a role.
Traveling through memories, I seek a lasting goal.
I left the norm and went on a strange voyage.
I reach a vivid world without a care or buoyage.
On wet days around dusk, I desire to sway.
Sky freedom frees me from claim and display
I fly with courage, leaving darkness for light.
Not misled, I checked my heart before a flight.
Memories play akin to sweet tunes in my mind.
As I leave the ordinary world behind,
Leaving footprints, I dance, and I roam.
Leaving behind the familiar, I find my home.
I was turning the bed,
knife-deep in dirt when I felt it:
that ache in the wrists
from too much tending.
And there she was again—
not in the muscle,
in the memory.
Being her friend was like this:
feeding a ghost with phantom limbs,
never full, never proof enough.
She wore collapse like a weather system
borrowing against good nature,
demanded every last bit of attention—
prostration over a missed text,
a misunderstanding—
I miss her.
Not that she'd ask,
too committed to the bit: bad marriage.
It’s a loss—
how she wears his damage
like it’s all that’s left of her.
I loved that woman,
but it forced me
into the role of indentured meteorologist.
It felt like violence.
For my part in this,
the reason it lasted so long is simple:
I kept watering the weeds,
drenching her with active listening.
(The desire to be needed is intoxicating.)
It's a mercy for us both
that I didn’t get addicted.
I hope you understand
it wasn’t kindness,
nurturing that climate—
just the worst version of nice—
kept her stuck,
left me starved for reciprocity.
I had to walk away
before my spine bent
to match her trellis.
In light of today,
tomorrow I’ll plant marigold and mint,
lay down bone meal—
small things
that mind their own business.
Anything to keep my hands full
when the memory of her
breaks through soil again.
Gentle leaves, crinkled epiphanies
Blessing souls, blessing the hopes, the dreams
Forever’s wings, soaring over the skies
Starlight, blinking… moon gleaming,
Revealing the light of a spirit’s singing,
Reassuring, reminding, revealing
Where the ache of twilight, subtle and soothing,
Erases the bright of a moment, alone
Caressing the trees, a breeze – fresh and warm,
Autumn’s embrace,
Touch of light, faith, grace that becomes
More amazing, with each trace of light,
Each feeling so alive, endless
As the softly spoken thoughts, from a candle or a harp,
Angel’s gift to those who rest
In the center of God’s best,
His startling presence…
In the gentle of a leaf, abiding, surviving the heavy heat,
Warring with the cool breath of wind,
Silent and alone, gesturing the way
Through the most intimate day,
The prayer, the praise, the sanctification
Blessings in songs, enduring the dark
Forgetting the past, - sins cast to the seas,
Only memories…
Just a memory – broken hearts, broken wings,
Healed by grace, forgiven
By the One who burns away
The dross, assuring that He saves the lost,
He saves to the uttermost…
Without a doubt, I will praise, praise, praise…
Because… without a doubt,
He stilled the storm that once raged within me,
A storm that once stalked my spirit…
A storm that has been hushed by the presence
More powerful than any storm…
He is the light – He is the love
That makes sure my heart is restored,
My soul is saved,
By the grace, the gift
Of a Savior who I know…
Stills the fears of my heart,
Remembers me when I’m in the dark,
Offers the light of His love,
So I can know, with Him…
There is hope that comforts my soul,
There is faith that lifts my heart,
There is love that calms, eternally
He is the One I’ll praise forevermore
He is the One who led me to His heavenly shore
He is the One who I’ll live my whole life for!
I'm sorry for the pain I've caused,
For the hurt that I have brought,
My words and actions were not paused,
And now it's all for naught.
I never meant to cause you harm,
To bring you tears or make you ache,
I know my actions were alarm,
And for that, my heart does break.
I hope that you can find it in your heart,
To forgive me for what I've done,
And though we may be worlds apart,
My remorse will never be undone.
I'll do all that I can to make it right,
To make amends and ease your pain,
For your forgiveness, I will fight,
And I'll never make the same mistake again.
I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused,
And I promise to make it right,
For in my heart, your love is bossed,
And without it, my world is not bright.
I have asked before, though you may not know,
About how to deal with the difficulties you strain me with.
My own adventure for my true soul has begun,
And so I must make all a witness,
Or the proof will be my execution, and I will not
let my ancestor’s shacklers hold me down once more,
years of lost maidenhood that I will protect through my will.
And so I turn for advice on my self-discovery.
I ask one of my trusted,
Querying endlessly on the matters of my heart,
Oh how I want to crush it under the weight
Of the world, all I want to carry at your feet.
I shortly resort to hatred, petty and undefined,
worse than weak in its nature.
My trusted’s breath lies heavy on the mind, weary,
And they say to lead with the beats, and I must follow.
To which I note. Any internal protest at the future betrayal, of which
I know I will commit, comes quick and leaves quicker.
I ask my lawyer,
I ask of how to leave the thought of you behind,
And I ask another and another
And another and another
And I am scared I have destroyed my adventure,
As I stare into my reflection and do not see my true desired
When your name leaves my lips,
And the word from my very tips,
The ache grows too strong to supress.
And I have worked hard for my soul,
But the thoughts surround and consume me, blackening my mind like coal.
So if I must leave my heart behind to not depress,
I welcome the prospect like the widest gates of heaven.
I hate you, the you that does not know I have fallen,
And the you with the voice of songs and the spirit of angels,
The eyes of prisms and the warmth of hearth mantles.
I am leaving you behind, and as much as you magnetise me,
I will transform on my journey, and I will no longer orbit you as my soul gains the mass of love.
You're this loving aura:
Your beauty, so vibrant
All your senses are on, —high
But you wanted to bust down and cry
PS: —I love you.
I ache, you say; in this tender voice
I say; let me ache for your pain
Let me; bare your pain and free yourself
PS: —I'll hold you.
I wanted: To take your pain
Like residues in my palm
And smear it on my heart
So that you can be free of this pain
PS: —I love you.
I desired to become all of your pain:
Thus
I wanted to make your love mine
But instead
You slipped away on through; I'll miss you
PS: —I'll hold you in my arms.
That in itself is a pleasure:
Knowing
It's worth bearing this pain for you
Baby—PS: —I love you.
R.I.P. Shannon, I sure do miss you,
Incredibly so.
We are the huddled masses
yearning to be free
but living in itself lay is often rose-colored glasses,
and remains quite the mystery.
We ache for freedom transfixed
some random yet open display
of races, children, braggarts, heroes, and cowards intermixed,
with declarations of straight, transgender and gay.
What does it really matter as we align
when each one of us live separate lives
barely marking time with impacts undefined
just giving everything in life a try to survive
We rarely know what we want or need,
buried deep lay the truths of who we are
shouldn't we be grateful that we are free to believe
that a god, kind and loving created dust from stars?
It doesn't matter if you're white, yellow, black or brown
or if you're straight or gay or a giant tree or mustard seed
each is creation of an unseen god pulling up when you fall down
god doesn't answer every prayer, god gives you what you need.
Part Four
One day, I want to be someone's moon - just not one of the stars. No matter how much a star shines, it's never enough. There is only ever a moon, stealing the stars' beloved gaze. Stars are compared and counted. The moon is simply worshipped. Stars ache to outshine, to overcompensate.
But for what? Being a star was always enough. It just needed to be reminded. It just needed to be loved.
Even something remarkable starts to feel invisible next to something that doesn't compete - that simply exists differently. It sits like discomfort, like a jigsaw piece forced into the wrong spot.
(The title means there is still hope beyond the hardship or light at the end of the tunnel. *Note from J W Earnings*)
No one has a right to call me horrid things
I wish you feel my pain and its insane stings
Hello to goodbye, I simply, heavily sigh
Sometimes, I feel like crying and dying no lie
Kill the sorrow
There’s tomorrow
Life’s a sparrow
Without wings to borrow
Forgiveness will give you satisfaction
This emerald compass will give you direction
You found me in an awful mess today…of dismay
You made it up to me tonight; alright…on the freeway
I am acting like the victim
I’m being selfish emotionally
No need to be like them
I’m my own person actually
You called me foul names
Forced to take the blames
You touched me all the way
On the edge…falling, I pray
You save me from my suicide
You save me from my bipolar ride
Save it for another tomorrow
Leave it to yesterday below
You played me like a video game
All I feel is this anguish and shame
Get it over with and shut it please
Music is blasting and I’m the tease
Fought the battle of baffling lonesome
I never knew people thought I was handsome
They saw through the phases of my shady past
Or so I assumed...this joy somewhat doesn’t last
Shattered like nothing matters
Fire and snow, you know, nurtures
You flatter me with your childish antics
This heart needs more than a simple fix
Still in distress…it’s hard to move on
Axed down like a tree times a ton
Release the anxiety I have been lost in
Saturated in the sweat of my…my sin…
Forgiveness is forgetting genuinely
The password to my trust is too complicated apparently
You lied, I lied…let’s leave that in the dust-clustered past
I want this blissful lifetime to last, not this ache so vast
Enliven my empathetic nature
Tomorrow is a million miles away, but that won’t stop me, no way
Good-bye to hello that’s for sure
Catch me in the web of wishes come true and, yes, come what may
No one needs to point out my wrongs
God is the only Judge and you aren’t, my strange dear
Wrapped up in woe and write it in songs
Most of all, have no sign of fear and be of good cheer
Daisies of delight grow
I want to live and glow
Shade of abyss will not show
So, yeah, you better know,
A lowly Death – big N.O.!
I sat beside Pop, plainly seeing how his stroke had taken so much~
his body slack in ways that broke my heart.
He lay still as a winter pond, unable to care for himself,
hands folded, breath a thin thread, his daily whistling a memory.
His silence opened like a vast, pale sky, holding both ache and
something brighter, a quiet radiance rising where his words once lived.
His silence held more than sorrow—it held a depth I could almost touch
as if his spirit had stepped forward to speak for him.
But his silence was anything but mystical—it was earthly, hard and heavy~
a reminder of everything he could no longer say or do.
But that steady, unbroken smile rose each day to greet me~
because smiling and loving me was something he could still do.