Only full of jibber jabber
Blabbing rumbles goppy blubber
Chat so lots it seems a big ole sea
That bellows jiggles up the sunken ladder
Waterlogged a smullen button belly
Swollen tub of lardy squishy goo
If only spit out complitastic words
Scales and skin could sag down too
Not sure if this is right but it was fun...
Categories:
lardy, fun, nonsense,
Form: Vogon Poetry
Am I invisible... you almost knocked me flying
I’m on the pavement too, can’t you see me!
Too busy on your bloody mobile
Makes me seethe as you can see!
Head bent, hell bent on concentrating
Your ‘ostrich’ bonce buried, phone in hand
Stop texting - look where you’re going
Or I’ll say words you WILL understand
Totally oblivious to your surroundings
Get a life you stupid ignoramus
Put down your friggin’ phone
Or I’ll whack you on your lardy anus
Written after being nearly floored twice today by men on their mobiles !
6/9/19
Categories:
lardy, anger, how i feel,
Form: Rhyme
Go toss your fetchings to the curb.
Your possessions have you tardy.
You'll thank the blessings for this cause
to keep you from this lardy.
To minimize your things of pleasure.
The stuff put under dust.
To save you time from being a slave
whatever cost you must.
To gradually ween you from it all.
It slow to feel you numb.
To seperate you being attached
and leave you to your sum.
The very thing you want in life.
Control where none was there.
The understanding there is more
and stand for seeding wear.
Rewards that come replacing things
to fill your heart with trust.
With life changed to reflecting thee
when knowledge comes to must.
Categories:
lardy, absence, appreciation, blessing, farewell,
Form: Quatrain
Obese,
and grunting,
sweating,
and munting,
trudging the kids off to school.
Puffing,
and panting,
raging and ranting,
You gotta stop eating, you fool.
Stop stuffing ya hodgers,
you fat lardy podgers,
you're eating far more than your share.
Your ass is immense,
like beach balls in tents,
what ya doin' just doesn't seem fair.
What about the Africans?
They ain't having any laugh-ricans.
Categories:
lardy, addiction,
Form: Rhyme
(Sir Terry Wogan and Mason McQueen take a tasty televised trip to Devizes)
No traffic jam when Terry came
No culinary surprise
He used his loaf and found some cheese
When munching round The Vize
He and his little Mason friend
Had breakfast at The Bear
Sausage, bacon, beans an ting
No revelation there
Terry chewed the fat a bit
And did a bit of walking
A bit of pork, a bit of cake
And pudding (now you’re talking)
The flight of locks left Terry cold
He didn’t eat the quackers
Then things got quite interesting
When John got out his clackers
And hold on there is Florence
Making Olde Vizes Pie
Terry’s buds are tickled now
A stuffed fox winks an eye
So cheers for that then, Terry, mate
You put our town on telly
But next time have some lardy
And get rat ars*d in the Pelly
by Gail
(for Florence from The Black Swan
and the Unusual John Girvan)
Categories:
lardy, celebrity, community, drink, england,
Form: Rhyme
She smelled of a succulent honeydew
And her blush was that of a beet
But lardy when she kissed me
My heart nearly fell to my feet
Her pretty brown eyes blinking
Her sweet lips pressed upon mine
Heaven has just opened the door
And caused that sun to brightly shine
This feeling is one I’ve never known
But one that I pray stays real close
As she takes me out of this world
Somewhere up among the cosmos
My legs feel like blades of wavy grass
Swaying and almost falling down
Here I was in the arms of love
With the sweetest girl around
Then I awoke and cried myself silly
And cursed the dream to hell
And swore one day I was gonna break
That awful ringing dinner bell
There I was in her arms
Her kisses where mine alone
But now I’m just a shaggy old dog
With nothing but a an old chicken bone
Categories:
lardy, kiss,
Form: Free verse
Atlanta's Oliver Hardy
so pretentious and somewhat lardy,
had a sidekick,bungling,but thin
both silently,still bring a grin
Tribute to Laurel & Hardy-who proved humour needs no words and does not date
Categories:
lardy, funny, people
Form: Clerihew