Santa Claus cooks the turkey and gravy and bakes up pumpkin bread.
His wife tiptoes out of the kitchen to converse with his brother Ed.
They decide to allow him this alone time to cook and knead and bake.
Playing kitchen therapy; he adores making chocolate pudding cake.
Your immaculate kitchen will be a disaster Ed tells his sister-in-law.
They hear Santa bellowing with laughter as a turkey he does thaw.
That is fine, Mrs. Claus says. He needs this excitement every year.
He might make another striped jalapeno pie which is my biggest fear.
I have invented the Jalapeno Hoppers, and they are all the rage.
The candy designers and I jumped swiftly onto the inventors page.
We have added chocolate and caramel to the spicy sauce of green.
When you take a bite, your first reaction is a delighted scream!
Now scramble toward the Jalapeno table, and decorate your fix.
Use lemon drops or chili cha cha’s’ we’ve thrown salt rags in the mix.
You can change the taste a tiny bit with a garnish on the side.
I usually use barbequed bananas, but gummies never want to hide.
The candy I have invented is refreshing, and it makes you younger too.
As you chomp on the hoppers, you will go from age sixty to twenty-two.
You will need to bring some smaller clothes, maybe a size two or three.
You will love how your waist feels, and you will be as happy as can be!
My jalapeno peppers
Taste buds on fire
I reach in the jar for more
I need bigger spoon
Ten is not enough
Tongue in flames
Yum
Spice doesn’t Like me Anymore
David J Walker
Spice doesn’t like me anymore
A taco would be nice
With a little Spanish rice but
Spice doesn’t like me anymore
Some frijoles with grated
cheddar cheese
would be fine but let me
add please,
leave off the jalapeno
cause its just No Bueno
Spice doesn’t like me any more
At one time I could eat it with ease
But now not even Chinese
That Goo goo Guy Pan is for a
Younger man
Cause Spice doesn’t like me anymore
So what am I supposed to eat
That doesn’t have just a little heat
There are very few dips
As good as Salsa and Chips
Too bad
Cause Spice isn’t nice
And nothing will suffice
And it’s hard to think twice
About paying the price
For guacamole with chipotle
Once more
But Spice doesn’t like me
Anymore
The potluck is right around the corner of my room, so smells are wafting in already.
Luscious wonderful terrific delicious smells – pumpkin, cinnamon, chocolate, mayonnaise.
You cannot smell mayonnaise? My heart goes out to you. I am sorry for your loss,
Someone just took the lid off the baked beans again. I do not dare try for those, knowing
How low my rear is to the ground, spending my day walking past little low children who
Do not deserve to receive the memory of me enjoying a big sweet tub of baked beans.
I was hospitalized with a spastic colon, and urged to not eat any of my favorite foods any more.
My favorite foods are jalapeno peppers, chili, spaghetti, fried chicken, and more jalapeno peppers.
Matter of fact, I could eat jalapeno peppers on my pumpkin pie, and not miss the whipped cream.
A connoisseur of all the foods I should not eat, but I can now smell, I decide to take a little walk.
Those who see me think I am doing something important. I am. I am saving myself from me.
jalapeño pretzels & the adulation of small things
munching jalapeño pretzels,
savoring a cup of coffee,
taking a moment to enjoy the way a cardigan you’ve had for years
feels
when you throw it on for the
255 thousandth time---
these things, these small (and what may seem to others as being irrelevant details of life)
but more than precious tidbits of life
are what keep us unique
and what keep us grounded to a physical reality
which makes sense to us
personally---
as conglomerations
of habits & happenings,
things & theatrics,
each one of this species in the present
anthropocene
walks this planet with the experiences that they have had
tattooed across their face &
as much as you moisturize, rubbing away those
crow’s feet
your life’s work is embedded in the conversations you have
and the admiration & appreciation of the
little things
create a comfortable warmth that you don’t have to
defend & a library of
wonder that isn’t obligated or forced upon
us by anything but our own desire to
enjoy a life of freedom
or as close to this as we can get,
constantly,
interminably,
insisting on more of it.