For these few years past
How I have sought to explain,
Though I keep a positive face
A useful even helpful life, a quiet voice,
The deep bleeding cost
The shadow that hovers near
Even the sun's best days
The soul's cells, how they
Learn to cower and shrink
For fear they will waken again
A dragon that barely sleeps
When wakens it roars
And spreads its harsh breath
Into the body both electrical
And bone hammering aches
The hope destroyer
The fear feeder
This deep unending pain
And that indeed, one does
Slowly change.
I tried to forget her, but she keeps coming back. Haunting my thinking space. I try to
breathe but I collapse. I run away from all of this 'cause I can't take it. Don't dare to face
this. Open arms, but I don't embrace it. I break out into a cold sweat every time she comes
near. I feel a draft at my feet. The door's still open. No closure.
But I swore it was over. We said our goodbyes. But not forever, only for the night. If that's
the case, may daylight never leave my side. Spend the night with me. Keep me warm with
your company 'til I begin to ignore you. Maybe then I'll face my fears and this situation we
dwell in won't matter.
Leave me be ghost of girlfriend's past. As long as you stalk me, I fear all that could be. I
refused to be what you demanded of me. Love me. Yes, but to love you? My logic won't
allow it, sadly. Don't take your frustrations out on my heart, dear. For my young emotions
don't match up with yours. I swear happiness is in the forecast. This storm of uncertainty has
me shook. Umbrella in my hand, I venture out this door...This open door...There's nothing to
fear but fear itself.
Papa smurf and pardise was here
kid's names kid's games knowing not the fear
Miss and hit as they error on lifes way
Wondering how they fair now well I pray
Just a couple sprayed upon a brick wall
Grown up games grown names knowing the fear
Understanding how we Knew nothing at all
In my closet there is a crystal ball,
Damp with pale hues and a dark crack or two.
I do not own it, but it is mine,
A mire for things I can not hold.
Though my Providence holds my stems and my rose petals
I cater to the cares of that lucid orb,
Only listening to the Breeze with one ear.
My wanton worries crawl about in the dark.
Forgive me dear Breeze, for I am only clay and dust,
And fear like a child of faulty digits.
Even more so that my paint may not cover
But fall cracked and dry on the ground.
I can only yearn in the moonlight for a plentiful harvest,
And plant the seeds that I have in another's heart.
I know the roots and the stems will be as You craft.
My fear is my strength to stay to the plow.
Evil Fear Me
Evil, fear me; don't mold me.
For your mischief I see lurks.
Of ill wrought ways I live leery.
For I loath all wicked works.
Poetic form: Chastushka
© Dane Smith-Johnsen 11-12-09
My heart
My Love
My soul
Hear not just words
Listen with the soul
There is secrets
They are whispered through night
Meant to touch hearts
Do you hear them
Can you tell which are mine
Are they brought to you on wind
Finding their way to your ear
They keep me up late at night
Running through my mind
Begging for release
I fear their release
Fear the losses they may cause
But slowly I speak them
My fear fading