Wild-eyed, wild-haired comic, Phyllis Diller
Here’s why her female fans would cheer her:
“I heard housework just might kill a gal,” she’d pout
And then: “I don’t want to be the first to find out!”
The Indian guru's
mantra of the day,
tho' somewhat strange,
goes this way...
'When words fail
and at a loss,
contemplate aural hygiene
with transcendental floss.'
Finally, my blood began to coagulate.
I counted up my fingers, and found I had eight;
And so, I'm sorry to say, for me it's too late;
But I'm still alive, and hope to spare you my fate.
Let me stress the importance of kitchen knife hygiene.
Listen up, budding chefs, and you will see what I mean.
If you do not sharpen your knife, you’ll pull and you’ll tug,
And you’ll fight with your food, until you give it a slug.
You’ll cut up your fingers until you’re covered with blood
Which will spurt out from you like a diluvial flood.
Your face will turn white; and then you will fall with a thud
While up on your cutting board remains that dumb spud.
So, sharpen up your knife until meat cuts like soft butter,
But miss and you’ve no fingers in the kitchen to putter.
For hygiene no hope,
No recourse to soap,
Cleanliness for rope
Germs no longer grope;
Easy patrols: lope
To those who hate soap
Do you ever cope?
All Catholics Nope!”
For I could tell Pope.
Soap is Next father
Of laundry’s lather
Dwarfed only by surf
But to Dirt still rough
Use it no odour
You’ll smell the other.
It wasn't all that long ago when a hole in the ground was where people would go.
Many grew sick from lack of hygiene so some one invented the pit latrine.
This greatly prevented the spread of disease. People squatted over a slab
and bent at the knees.
The first flushable was used by British royalty, a toilet that the commoner
would never see.
Chamber pots and out houses were used by many.
They composted the waste and saved a lot of pennies.
Years later dry toilets were used in most homes.
They had a wooden seat as their throne.
Some time during the twentieth century flushable toilets were
in every home you would see.
Tout allure and hello to a cleaner way.
A clever French man invented the bidet.
Is this too much information? Don't go yet.
The end of my evolution of the toilet.
Fieldwork is stellar, sexy, or strenuous and sad
Talking values, prolonging childhood
Is not for the faint hearted among S. Africa's "Coloured"
My "township" boasts about acting backward
Using walls for urination, or there on streets
Many walk all day long with beer in hand (never discreet)
We reward bad for good; kindness is meekness minus Jesus (equals: simple weakness)
Abusing drugs, kids, partners - "street privacy"?
Is the only "rule" respected by all and sundry
II
Shall I report these abuses, "shebeens" next door?
But the policing is poor, revenge usual & more
Or should I show the other cheek, God's love
Shall I continue peacemaking, or reward shove with shove?
Since Middle School I struggled with moochers, "the lazy"
To accept them, help, yet teach a better way
Humans seek peace, routines, "order" in some way
But competition fir resources, conflict
May be the real order of the day
Hence wars are welcome for profits, bottom lines!
My question: Love or lecture "them" is as old as Time
In my "coloured township," there is no "time" for both
I'm more pessimistic about human nature now, sad truth!
Be on sensory alert and always stay curious.
Speak out against wrongs and what makes you furious.
Use caution when out on the street.
Don't just rub up on any one you meet.
Stay finicky about any thing you eat..
Pay close attention to your hygiene,
always keep those front paws clean..
If you want to live those nine lives, better
find time to exercise..
When your energy is feeling zapped it's
okay to curl up and take that nap..
I've heard,
but never experienced,
that cleanliness
performs next to godliness.
I'm looking into a game theory
that mental health
hygiene is also
not not spiritual wealth
co-mediation
Sharing
caring
riding a daily journey
from sacred newborn ideation
to ancient
dusk driven
remediation
of all self-righteousness
other-leftoutedness
felt unclean
unseen
alarmingly mean
Lack of prolifically spiritual
soul-filling
hygiene.
A dazzling forest of an armpit
By watchers paired up with cesspit,
A moment's confirming touch of this
By much displeased hell - raising Doris,
Sure it would puncture Marital Bliss
And all day keep her courting a hiss;
More so, her unhygienic Elvis;
Issues has with The Vilest Pelvis...
No longer The Forgiving Girl friend,
She is now seeking its abrupt end:
Not the best pelvis for love making;
Why would any Eve stop a - raking?
Elvis' suddenly stirred Ring finger
Ready to find out what does linger,
His fore finger to soon face Eugene
For a marriage - delaying hygiene.
A shiny forest of an armpit
By Ninety-Five percent a cesspit;
A quick verifying touch of this
By Ridiculed Christopher Elvis
Also brandishing a moist pelvis,
For long months now excused by Doris
His Understanding, Hopeful Girlfriend
But clearly seeking its abrupt end.
Anew, Elvis investigative finger
Goes for The Sticky Feeling that would linger,
His Poor Hygiene Principal Bell Ringer
And Change-for-the-Better Soft Singer;
To his Dad something he should be killed for,
As he keeps wondering what he’s waiting for,
Already by him pronounced A Serious Matter
And on Offending Elvis’ Head a metallic clatter …
His show of disgust had to be perfected
Because Elvis has a wisdom rejected
“All the stops pulling out to pick poor hygiene
From his interactions with Useless Eugene!”
Pictures at mirror-
you too sparrow can clean your
mouth by rubbing?.
S-tringent
H-ygiene
U-pends
K-iller
R-abidity
A-s
N-asty
J-eopardy's
A-trocity
Z-one
I-n
L-ink
A-voids
N-eatness
Topic: Birthday of Shukran Jazilan (June 13)
Form: Vertical Monocrostic
J-ust
E-agerly
I-mplement
A-nother
N-ew
N-ormal's
E-nvironment
A-s
R-egular
H-ygiene
J-ust
A-bates
E-ach
E-erie
R-isk's
M-orbidity
I-n
T-his
A-rea
Topic: Birthday of Jeianne Arhjae N. Ermita (June 11)
Form: Vertical Monocrostic
R-eliable
H-ygiene
O-bviously
S-tops
E-erie
J-eopardy
O-f
Y-ucky
P-andemic
A-nd
N-asty
T-hreat's
I-nfection
Topic: Birthday of Rhose Joy Panti (June 07)
Form: Vertical Monocrostic
T-he
H-umankind
O-nce
M-ore
A-pplied
S-tandard
H-ygiene
A-s
R-abidity
D-isappeared
Y-esterday
Topic: Birthday of poet Thomas Hardy (June 02)
Form: Vertical Monocrostic
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