food isn’t seen as fuel and nourishment, food is seen as guilt and shame
your bones wear thin and your hair falls out in clumps
you see your ribs when you lift up your shirt and you feel your hipbones stick out whenever your boney fingers are placed on them.
your throat is sore from the acid and the vomit flowing through you
your family know they should hide away the knifes and the blades
but what’s worse is that they’re scared you’re hurting so badly you might even harm yourself with a fork
but isn’t that what you’ve been doing all along?
you put down the fork... and haven’t picked it up since
-unKnown Person
Who am I?
That’s something I wonder everyday
From being delighted to traumatized
Is something quite normal for me
From feeling emptiness to unease
Overthinking every mistake I’ve ever made
To every action I’ve decided to take
Butterfly effect?
A concept flowing through my brain
If I could change one detail in my life
What a bizarre change of events that would be
Would I feel and be the same person today?
Who am I?
Not too tall, not too short
Not too pretty, but not too ugly
A bit ordinary, but never extraordinary
Not average but not intelligent
Skinny, but thank god she’s not fat they say!
Olive skin, but shiny and red marks on my face
Why do you look so tired they say
I say I’m fine, thanks
I look in the mirror and I see those dry tears
I think stupid
Puffy, red eyes, oily hair
I think lazy
Skinny, a visible breastbone and hipbones
I think eat more
Restless, uneasy, trembling
I realize this person is me
How did she become like this? My mother says
I hear this late at night when I’m tumbling in bed
All I can hear is disappointment
Not just to everyone but to myself
Someone please help
-Who am I?
The excuses fell from her mouth like raindrops,
Saying, “No thank you, I’ve already eaten”
Meaning, “I haven’t eaten in three days”
And nobody noticed when the light in her eyes died out,
She poured empty into her rib cage,
Prayed she would soon be able to count them,
Traded snacks for hipbones,
Sold her soul to her disease,
Gave up healthy for skinny,
Between calories and exercise,
She hadn’t smiled in months,
Constantly counting,
Only seeing the work she would put in later if she dared indulge in breakfast,
Only being happy if the scale brought good news,
Each pound bringing her closer to the life she envisioned,
Hunger pains became her only friends,
As she evaporated,
She became a success story,
When the people asked her how she did it,
She just smiled and thanked them,
Nobody seemed to notice how her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Scrawny Tony gaunt and bony scraggy bag of beastly bones
He was pony de la Manchu chum of Mister Marty Jones
He had an intense perception
And skills of great execution
In a sense of perfect destructiveness he chomped my hipbones
© Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty 2014
You had that look again, upon your face
A mask of happiness a lustful daze
That evil lil’ smirk, as I hit my knees
The concrete bruising, as I felt nothing
Only the tension throbbing, in your eyes
As my fingernails grabbed your thighs
I could bite your hipbones, for hours on end
but twenty minutes and heaven did ascend
I heard the angels call out your name
Or was that me, begging in my shame
Your time had come, but where was mine?
laying empty in the bottle of wine!
When the first rays of light hit the pane
I knew you had to go, just glad that you came
Your work calls you away for days
As mine just begins, all the things I have to say!
A few days will pass now
Without a word from you somehow
I sit alone invisible
Its not so bad, I’m still kissable!
Dreaming of Decadence
Delicious succulence sensing shameless servitude
To soft swirls of cinnamon
Chocolate caressing tongue and palette in
Swallowed wet sweetness of slithering coolness as
Oil-dripping hands slide squeezing and fingering
Deceptively slipping to almost touch ecstasy
In muscular twisting and turning of tendons
Rhythmically running on rib bones and hipbones
Clasping together on backsides of knees
A sip of cold wine cuts sweet chocolate taste
As wet heated towels are strategically placed
On body still shaking from fast pattered pummeling
It’s only a moment then icy hands race
Pinch prod and pummel in growing discomfort
Until just at the second you really can’t stand it
Hot towels and oiled hands start their magical pain
With needles and pins in a quivering strain
Your body just arches in reach to attain
Then under the towels you’re left trembling again
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