maybe they just need some oinkment
when pigs get laryngitis
i suppose they feel somewhat disgruntled
english teacher's nightmair
observed in a book store:
"sale - all spelling workbooks 50% of!"
too much of a good thing
poetry teacher: "i can't say enough about not
saying too much"
paternal paradox
my grandfather once told me
"never trust anyone... trust me on this"
where the h am i?
to a dictionary editor
'h' is the middle of nowhere
such a critic
i tried that new restaurant on the moon
good food but no atmosphere
a pun further analysis
the bonfire sank my boat
you can't have your kayak and heat it too
Humor attribution: all humor found online and converted to monoku form by yours truly.
Categories:
funnies, humor,
Form: Monoku
super boll
boll weevil twin brothers: one was great, one the lesser of two weevils
you killed my father, prepare to die
three-legged dog in a saloon: "looking for the man who shot my paw"
a news headline i'd like to see
buddhist avoids novocain wants to transcend dental medication
somewhere in the middle
she once told me i was average i said she was just being mean
that would be a real night-mare
he tries to not talk like a horse doesn't want to be a neigh sayer
what's a particle like you doing in a place like this?
neutron asks "how much for a beer?" the bartender says, "for you, no charge"
eleventh one's the charm?
i entered ten pun contests hoping one would win
no pun in ten did
Happy New Year to all... may your 2023 be filled with smiles
Categories:
funnies, humorous,
Form: Monoku
Obi-Wan Kenobi's lesser known brothers:
The womanizer, Don-Wan
Founder of the Puerto Rican Capitol, San-Wan
The divorce attorney, Nobody-Wan
The Chinese Food chef, Sesh-Wan
Inventor of plastic bottle caps, Scru-Wan
Designer of compact luggage, Stow-Wan
The lazy nomad, Bed-Wan
The eternal encourager, Go-Wan
The coupon-clipping twins, Buy-Wan Get-Wan
[Humor attribution: all humor by yours truly]
Categories:
funnies, brother, humor,
Form: Monorhyme
Deffy Daffinitions (Monoku series)
inflation: the thing that makes balloons bigger and candy bars smaller
irony: when obnoxious online bullies post "your a idiot"
jury: twelve people chosen to decide which side has the best lawyer
shin: an inexpensive device for finding furniture in the dark
pediatrics: comforting the parents till nature cures the illness
golfing: getting sunburnt and bored while failing your task at great expense
vitamin: what you are supposed to do when neighbors ring your doorbell
#3 attributable to Robert Frost, all others found online and converted to monoku form by yours truly.
Categories:
funnies, humor,
Form: Monoku
Monoku Series: General Hospital
i had a brain mri last month
as expected, they found nothing
i asked could i do my own anesthetic
doc said, "knock yourself out"
last week i went to urgent care
it felt neither urgent nor caring
they had a specialist:
her specialty is diseases of the rich
she longs to open up her own clinic
but doesn't have the patients
my doc's advice: if you're skinny, don't eat fast
if you're not, don't eat... fast!
isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do,
"practice"?
overseen on a patient's chart:
no fever or chills but spouse claims she
was very hot in bed last night
Humor Attribution: #3 - Edmo Snord, #4 - Tom Lehrer, #7 - George Carlin, all others found online and converted
to monoku form by yours truly.
Enjoy your Sunday, everybody!
Categories:
funnies, health, humor,
Form: Monoku
“Surely, you can't be serious!” “I am serious and don't call me Shirley”
That's a classic line from Airport starring Leslie Nielsen, a Canucky
It was loaded with these
Funny quotes without sleaze
For those expecting an Oscar-winning performance, not a bloody chance surely
Categories:
funnies, hilarious,
Form: Limerick
I want to write a funny poem to wake everyone up
From this Sunday grogginess
Why do you feel so lazy on Sunday?
Because it’s a rest day you fool
Why do you run like a bat out of hell from your job on Friday?
It’s because you’ve been cooped up in there like they own you
Why do you sing when there is no one listening?
Because you are afraid they would really see you in a different light
Ohh such a fool you are
You like to make fun of yourself
But you are too afraid of what people may think
Oh well, what the heck
People already know what a fool you are
So it wouldn’t hurt my friend
Go ahead you have my permission
What hurt can it do?
Except your silly pride
And didn’t the Bible say
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace”? (Proverb 11:2)
See now you have God’s permission, lol
Categories:
funnies, faith, funny, nonsense,
Form: Free verse
I want to write a poem about funny
Why does when someone say “your ass is mine”
You found it so funny
Is it because you know you can’t have it
And you want it
Lol
You know when someone said “someone has run off with a fireman”
You found it so funny
Is it because it’s so outrageous?
Yeah I can see that fireman with a hat on -hand in hand with someone
Walking out after putting out the fire
Very nice
And oh yeah and someone said “the fireman has freed you by taking your cheating wife”
As if you were burdened by a wife
Maybe you were
In that case – my sympathy
Why does someone say “the dead man whom I kissed”?
Ugghh yuk
Kissing the dead –no thanks
Lol can’t pay me enough
And someone said “making love to Jennifer Aston”
You know they are dreaming
Haha I found it too funny
Everything sometimes
Well you guys ‘d better watch out
As I will make a fun out of you
Categories:
funnies, faith, funny, nonsense,
Form: Free verse