Fink Poems

Silly Love Songs

Mrs. Hickey, you’ve been on my mind,
just like a ball of twine
on a spool that never ends.
Though I’d never clapped an eye on you
my hands explored you:
feel the knees on me!

Hey, baby, let’s take a chance:
I left the condoms in my other pants.

Rollicking times,
late November back in sixty-three,
that’s when I shot John F. Kennedy
(superstar, but he didn’t get far).

Olivia Neutron Bomb,
you can ring my bell.

Gonna take a trip to Lonesome Town,
gonna stay at Heartbreak Hotel.
The aerial’s broke
can’t watch ‘Gunsmoke’
how are we gonna get by?
No BBC no ITV
above us only Sky.

Gypsies, stamp your feet.
Scrape that muck off your face.
Take your teeth out,
tell me what’s wrong.
Don’t go painting with emulsion.
Ain’t no sausages now.

There’s a ghost in my house.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring.
We’ve got a liberal dad and a bachelor pad
and we do it.
Four hundred children and a crap in the field.
I can see Deirdre now Lorraine has gone.

I didn’t get the point 
of Barton Fink, though.

I think I’m turning Japanese,
I really think so.

Rat Fink Pie

The biggest "Rats" eat 90% of the "Cheddar!"

That only leaves one slice for billions of "Mice!"

But does that make the "Rats" better than the "Mice?"

Maybe it's time for the "Mice" to "EAT" the "Rats!"

Wouldn't that be nice? The "Mice" outnumber those "Finks!"

If the "Mice" were willing to pay the price..."Free Drinks!"

I'd even dine with "Swine" to see the "Rats" fry!

Hey "Folks," how 'bout a "Fat" slice of "Rat Fink" pie?

Tangled In Helium Balloons

Birds wrapped in sung sun swallows
tangled in helium let off balloons
bursting to confetti on new year's eve
silvery sliding snakes race the rails
against roller- racing take-off gliders
Every father's grudge to my pain
auto-flight lever adjustments
The rotors caught up in balloons,
black and filled with octopus ink
and finally pressure bursts on the fink.

*****phones

wee've awl maid miss takes
sum foke think their perfect butt
cann knot sea era’s!
 
eye fink aye cann right
butt eye’ll admit sum era’s
sum thymes doo app pier

this cannot be wolf forest

Young Red was searching Wolf Forest, but got lost
She felt someone staring at her with blue eyes of frost.
It was a weird bird whose feathers were amazingly pink.
There are two of us, said his brother, a wren name of Wink.

He is Fink, I am Wink, and we guard this forest from human beings.
a rooster-like creature made Red wonder what she was seeing.
this cannot be Wolf Forest, she said, completely turned around.
The birds began to titter and trill, one promptly fell upside down.

We are guardians of Fowl Forest, you are completely mad, Wink said.
Fink gave his brother a swift feathery high five, then yelled out for Ned.
Ned was the weird goofy bird with the striped socks, she found out.
They chased her away, across a field, leaving her at a round-about.

Revenge of You Tube

You tube is a way to see
Others acting so crazy
But I never thought I'd find
Me falling on my behind
It was quite a funny show
All because I didn't know
Someone spiked my "virgin" drink
Who was this obnoxious fink
Getting me drunk without knowing
My craziness would soon start showing
As I took to the bar stage
In a dancing fit of rage
Moves that should be called illegal
Took me over as I peel
Off the layers till my naked
Body is no longer sacred
It hits me what I have done
I'm too drunk to flee and run
So I fall onto the ground
Everybody all around
Is posting my embarrassment
When I find who started this
My revenge will be so sweet
You tube will be on repeat
With the ridicule they get
And lessons they will not forget

Facebook

Thy face shall be printed on book
Where thou shall face at least one rook
Tapping its spit in black stamped ink
On pages of some fabled fink
All for some mild error ‘he’ took

Mcwhirt Is Smitten With Princess

Hollyhock princess leans on a mushroom to flirt.
The mushroom is bashful, he hides a bit in the dirt.
What is her name? whispers his interested cousin McWhirt.
Not sure, says the mushroom, but she is drooling on my shirt.

She can drool on my shirt anytime McWhirt says with a wink.
She can uproot me, scrub me, and plunk me down in a sink.
I am going to give her full eye contact until I see her blink.
princess did not notice at all, she had fallen in love with a frog named Fink.

Funk

fack
feck
fink
fock
funk

Jealous of Mr and Mrs Meow the 16th

mr and mrs merlin meow the sixteenth were on the brink
of letting Kansas City High Society know what they think.
the star put their photo on the front page with a link.
each of them dressed to the nines, holding their favorite drink.

those two do not think that their prissy litter boxes stink!
sniffed their gardener, a put-upon python wearing bright pink.
look at her, she’s such a back-stabber, a gossip, a fink!
yelled his wife Priscilla, with a sassy sashay and a slippery slink.

My Mood Today

Today I’m a blob
a slob
a glob
a perturbed mob hob
don’t ask me what it means
you will be peter fink snob
you’re ugly and spoiled
and it’s not your business you see,
so get away and stop pestering me.
today I’m a blob, a snob, a glob, 
a perturbed mob hob.
uglier and more surly than
a spilled kernel of a sassy
Iowan corn cob.

Idiots, Idiots, Idiots

Idiots, idiots everywhere.
Don’t wear a mask because they just don’t care.
Don’t care if they pass this disease on to you.
Don’t care about your kids or your parents too.

Idiots, idiots running all around
Their knuckles must hurt - this is solid, constructed ground!

Idiots, idiots don’t listen to the word of scientific advice - they ‘fink’ it all absurd!
They don’t have a working mind!

Idiots, idiots who think Johnson tells no lies!
Will be idiots, idiots and idiots until the day they die.

Singing the Old Queen Cat Song

Old Queen Cat was a merry old Pole,
A merry old pole was she.
She called for her wipes and she called for her mole,
And she called for her diddlers three.

Hey wait! I thought a pole cat was…
Yes, I agreed, but have you met Ole Lady CatFuzz?
She is a tyrant who must always have her own way.
She has tricky techniques, she does not play.

Are you saying she’s a skunk? He quizzed me.
I dared not answer; wishing to remain unsullied and free.
Old Queen Cat had the whole palace bugged.
I did not relish being shackled, smacked or drugged.

I waited until I had arrived home
Before singing the Old Queen Cat song and poem
I’m talking said my snarly cousin Mr. James P. Pink.
Drat! I had been singing it next to the Queen’s biggest fink

So Long My Friend

Another friend had to say good-bye 
God had to take him- I don't know why 
But now the angel sings 
"George has got his wings" 
There's no denying  

His heart of gold he shared with everyone 
If he had two hearts he would give you one 
Even when he knew 
That his time was due
And that he knew that he was dying 

So long my friend, your soul was good 
You've topped the charts of brotherhood 
You've had to know 
Before you'd go...
That you'd be flying 


In dedication to a dear friend I have recently lost taken by Covid-19  
George (Butch) Fink 
R.I.P.

Wildlife 31

Wildlife 31

An terribly nosey young plover,
Thought of things that he'd like to discover,
So he sat on the shore,
'Til his butt was quite sore,
Then decided "I don't 'fink I'll bovver!'

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