An epiphany just came to me,
That God had protected me more than I knew,
no words could ever express my gratitude,
How You have held my hand in latitudes,
you know, those times when I felt split in two?
Jesus You loved me when I had attitude,
cared only about tangible things and me
Oh Lord Your love is wider than the sea,
And Your vision sees beyond what I can see
Your mercy tender and greater,
If sins were counted I'd be Your biggest debtor
No man could ever receive Your splendour
thank you Jesus you taught me better.
It took me years but I'm over you.
I compromised my intergrity and
dignity for you.
I left it on the backburner and you
were my priority.
Things were not easy but as long
as I had you I was happy.
I was changing into the man you
wanted me to be.
Denying truth as I worshipped your
lies and deciet.
Until one day, when I was with you.
I started to see signs saying WHAT
WE HAVE IS UNTRUE.
I see you're calling my home,
telling me you miss me.
Sending messages through my
friends that you are looking for me.
I ask um : HOW IS SHE? WHERE
DOES SHE DWELL?
NEVER MIND. I KNOW. SHE'S
LIVES IN HELL.
I hear the faith was a race so I
decide to pace it like NASCAR, trust
in the one who brought me threw
the storm Lord God, he brought me
this far illuminated, blacklight threw
the dark, the wages of sin are death
and he wore that cross, yeah the
cross was mine, but he didn't mind,
I crossed his mine, Golgotha,
Calvary, the old me is dead and
gone he burned those
transgressions like calories, now I'm
blessed to be in his presence yeah
that's a gift, waking up to favor in
the present like a Christmas list, and
this is only the beginning, saved by
grace that's amazing and a God
that's infinite, on the cross it was
finish no more segregation, I boast
on the veil that was ripped I'm so
covenant no more separation
Just another confession I'm still here despite my sinful
nature, count that one as a blessing life is a still lesson
and my teacher is still silent while I'm being tested and
for the record every woman I encounter will always come
second because I'm still trying to perfect the relationship
with thou art in Heaven, so it seems nothing with me is
ever what it seems even I agree that obviously I think I'm
too much to please or is that just me, because of my past
being deceived maybe I do have abandonment issues at
the first signs of problems that appear to be big I rather
leave but let's freeze frame, the past ten years I been
chasing, the one who took me and yet still I forsake him
so I'm pacing the lust of my flesh continue to put me on
the fence so I'm no different from the world at times our
sins are just different, so the question is do I stay single in
Christ the path that I'm on doesn't guarantee I'll make it
home every night, the cost is high and to die is gain
forget living in comfort make disciples of all nations sick,
blind, lost, & lame
It's been a long time coming, it's been you this whole
time the one that I been wanting, before I remember
when it felt like I couldn't find the keys to the vault of
your heart, but you never gave up on the possibilities of
us and I never took that lost, the clock is still ticking and
that can only mean our time is almost here, it's going
closer I can feel it the wait is almost over and I'm excited
about the future, the best is still yet to come, that three
strand rope held us together this many years so let Gods
will be done, you seen me go from this one and that one
so you approach with caution but there's nothing about
you I can't or won't accept so there's no need for me to
let anymore water leak from this faucet
Looking at the reflection I don't like what I'm looking at,
this is suppose to be a mirror so why I feel like I'm
looking back, my past then passed on that part of me is
dead gone, but everyday I find myself repenting what I
been forgiven for, this is not the same me that I saw
yesterday surrendering to Jesus and crucifying my old
ways if only they knew the man they look upon is, just a
weak sinner who at times fails to put on his
armor...suicide bomber, the devil tells me to kill myself
spiritual tug of war but still my lifestyle says rebel. No
matter what it looks like I'm apart of the rebellion, so I
know with every cry for help from the Holy Spirit my flesh
is melting, and I know I'm not living up, up to his
standard no matter how hard I try my sin he can't stand
it, and I can't just make excuses murmur about my
weakness, I make war against myself I refuse to abort this
life I live in Christ like a fetus
Here I am just me and my thoughts, it's time like this it's
you I always find myself thinking of, there's not enough
time in a day for us to spend together so I just pray I
make it to see the next. Everything about you seems so
right how could I ever go left, till death do us part Yeah
that'll be a blessing and you're the only one for me so
when I look at you there's no such thing to me as sloppy
seconds, a week without you makes me weak, once you
find the one you been awaiting to be with you no longer
wanna go fishing for anyone else because it might make
you sea sick so I guess what I'm really trying to say is....I
Miss You
For a change let me ride shotgun you can be the driver,
show me you're driven and let me get lost in conversation
with your sentences, take me where no woman could but
what I always wanted them too. Take me to a place where
the physical doesn't exist I want you to lose me in the
spiritual, let me soak up this knowledge you're kicking me
let this be my sensual kiss, get deep with me tell me what
really bothers you out here, what keeps you up what gets
you down tell me what is it about me that you fear. What
about me you really can't stand and let's be honest for a
second I know I'm not your #1 pick so I understand I am
second. Tell me what you really think of my honesty
honestly, do you think who you are doesn't deserve the
God in me, or how the God in you loves to see and hear
me talk relationship true religion, drive me to a place
where mentally & spiritually you challenge me and I love
to drown in your thoughts so I keep swimming
I thought I was over it but still I haven't made it over this,
me and my outspokenness I can't help it I'm helpless to
the transition to deliver me from my sinfulness it's why
I'm overlooked and misunderstood but in Christ no
matter what it looks like I'm good, to die is gain and no
matter who I lose in this war it's all worth it, if they only
knew nothing on this earth can amount to the price I
been purchased with, this life was meant to offend,
destroy, & kill the old you so I count it all joy to the ones I
lost on the way. No matter what I say on what I did or
what I said, I did it all because no one could ever fill me
up with that everlasting bread
I can't be who I'm not but I'm everything I AM intended,
my past mistakes are diminished and thru repentance my
sins are forgiven...I wonder does she know this is a open
relationship and Jesus is the gate to my heart with the
keys for admission so this just isn't you & I dating and
since you're my soon to be wife like this Holy Covenant
that I would give my life for I could never forsake you,
play that role like I'm single and I'm not spoken for, I
adore you, you know me like you known me home is
wherever you are, you're that star I been wishing on but
just wasn't able to reach, you witnessed my nakedness
without the physical intimacy, only a woman of virtue
could ever endure that kinda temptation and still stay
loyal to me, the world knows nothing about this love so
like an exhibit I'm putting it on for any and everyone to
see that it's possible to be faithful to one but also feel
emotionally free
I'm so unfit for this, there's still so much in
me thats unfinished
I need to replinish catch me @ the brook
I dehyrated myself
With my lack of selflessness
So its evident what I'm developing
My battles with sin flesh & the devil got me weary
So I enslaved myself in the prism
Isolated myself from you sometimes
When you win you're really losing
And I lost most of me in the process
Solitary confinement with no lock pick
What I sinned and hurt God most with I cut it off
Count it as loss, my back against the wall
Standing tall to this giant I'm trying to slay
But like him I have no power...unless I learn
To be obedient and obey so in the end
Who really gets slain
They say slavery ended in the 60s but @ times I still feel
like a slave to sin yet we're still enemies
But the flesh, feels like a friend to me it gives me what I
want but freedom from it is what I need
So I'm back in this prism feeling caged like a prison acting
like Christ didn't free me from that death sentence
No condemnation, thats what's engraved on my casket
I expose my sin for what it really is let me unmask it
He's a bastard so why treat him like he's royalty
Jesus made him whole washed his sins
Now he has beautiful feet
Paul said it was better to be single in Christ
I'm taking heed to that statement eating this
Bread of life. So this prism this predicament
That I keep putting myself in chalk it up to
To no self control of this cross that I'm bearing
She wants me, I feel same way, we're best friends but
she's attached so I can't touch her in that way, no not yet.
When we're together my heart skips a beat in my mind I
start pacing, I need her like she needs me but...its
complicated. Whoever said having a significant other
would mean you would be happy, where's the happiness
she's kinda passive I'm all the way assertive so all of me, I
wonder if she can handle it. Theres a possibility we're
meant to be, thoughts of how we first conversed is all I
see, she's so right and he's so wrong for her she knows it,
I'm getting a second chance @ love and I'm sure this time
I'll hold on to it. Holy matrimony is in our future
regardless if she sees it or not I can't be the usually
affectionate me around her so all I do is window shop,
she tells ms try ya luck play the slots but I tell her no one
is right for me that's your spot, its complicated but I
figured it out she's waiting on me she wants me to take
the lead so yeah she's heard me talking but what she
needs is a reason to step out on faith its so evident I
see...
Everything is out in the open no matter how I try to dress
it, I'm on my Adam & Eve my sins are naked so I felt as
tho I address it we all got sloppy seconds everything
nowadays is recycled, we claim we worship one God but
in America our idols look like Whitney & Micheal. And it
seems my spiritual background scares these women off,
but I removed the mask like Travolta and cage I took my
face off, this is what you wanted right? A man who's
honest passionate and open, faithful caring independent
outspoken I can't tell, but oh well maybe I serve a greater
purpose it looks like I'm destined to lead by example but
my actions say I'm selfish, you shouldn't be so open
about yourself, especially looking @ my past and the ones
I chose made my heart melt, note to self the person who
you want me to be is already taken, and almost no one
gets to be with their #1 draft pick but its evident I'm
someones favorite, I'm far from perfect but try as might
to find the perfect one for me I try to buy em with my
heart but they keep foreclosing I see...
Try as I might there's no satisfying this flesh I'm in, not
the lusts of it of this indwelling sin but I'm in...the zone
when I turn up the volume my cup runeth over with joy
I'm more than a conqueror I still got power to...move
mountains out here I'm on my kirk franklin I dap it up
when I see it I know you see me hello fear I'm
so...unimpressed with the women in my side view and
the ones thats in front me I just say to myself thats old
news there's...gotta be a better way to impress me
besides your curves, what's between your legs and
enticing words I'm so over it, nothing in this flesh satisfys
my quenching hunger for more so that explains why I'm
so double minded about what I want but it describes who
I am just an old glass door I'm open...better yet you can
call me naked I wear my emotions in the open for anyone
to take it I base it...off nothing but high standards we as
people are so temporal but all we want is something
that's above average
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