April Epitaph Poems

BUTCHER PETE

In the vault below lies the mince, of butcher Pete
Got dragged into a meat processor by the soles of his feet.

RADIOACTIVE  SCUM

The Russian...

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Here lies Emmett Kermit Lavender
Whose time was summarily cut short
When he insulted his English professor
With an unnecessarily caustic retort 

written April 26, 2022...

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Here lies Hector Amos McSpiel
Slipped on a tossed banana peel
It really was not Hector’s fault
He came down hard upon his heel
We buried him here in...

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Here lies Molly Ferguson St. Marie
She fell out of a big oak tree
Landed on her head
And soon she was dead
It was her last tom-boy spree.

Written...

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… well I had a hell of a ride

won’t go to heaven but paradise needs fire

goods innings they say

but I am more of a Rugby...

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Pity poor cheap old Adolfo Santiago Minestrone
  Gagged on week-old baloney and congealed macaroni


        April 22, 2019
Entry...

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Lungs puffed in cigar, drunk lousy liver
With beer he cheered, dancing in the river   
A chiller he was, in all states of matter
Here...

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Here lies Sidney Snoozer, a lover of sleep, 

His last nap eternal – relaxed, six foot deep. 




For Epitaph Contest 2
Hosted by Jesse Rowe

© 15th...

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EPITAPH for ALPHONSE

Neath this stone lies Alphonse Dubois
Funambulist of Avoirdupois
Might have lived a bit longer 
Had the rope been stronger

19 April 2019...

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Buried deep in this vault is Andrew John Greenwidge
Fell into and drowned in a giant tank of raw sewage
The mourners to his funeral brought bunches...

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He lies in peace beneath this tree

where death by shock came suddenly.

That thunderbolt struck Uncle Tom-

he faced the storm before the calm.


April 16, 2019

Premiere Contest:...

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Here lies dear Eileen Tufar
Over the cliff in her brand new car
Passed suddenly without leaving a scar
Please tell my husband to get out of the...

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Here Lies Mae Brunch

Here lies fat Mae Brunch
Never late for lunch 
A spinster for life
Did she get her ticket punched?

An Epitaph for a laugh 2...

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In this vault are a few crumbs of crusty old Fred
He got stuck in an oven and got baked with the bread
A very popular man,...

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SLEEP

Here lies my dear uncle Jack
On his sides he always slept deep
On new bed lying on his back
He can’t turn to find his sleep

April 14,...

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