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Rest In Pieces

BUTCHER PETE

In the vault below lies the mince, of butcher Pete
Got dragged into a meat processor by the soles of his feet.

RADIOACTIVE  SCUM

The Russian soldiers who stormed Chernobyl, are buried in lead coffins below.
And in the dark of night you can see, their radioactive glow.

FARMER MURRAY 

Here lies the 'aromatic' remains of the farmer Sid Murray
Missed his footing and drowned in a vat of cow slurry.

PUTIN 

At his victory parade in Red Square Putin, had a fatal heart attack 
And the inscription on his headstone reads, Karma will always get you back.

MANUEL

Below are buried the pieces of Manuel from Havana
Went swimming and got eaten by a shoal of piranha.

SID

A bookcase containing books about the paranormal and death
Toppled over onto Sid the librarian, and they haven't found his body yet.

JIM

Jim the electric clock maker got electrocuted and died. 
It seems that for poor Jim, time was not on his side.

BROWN BREAD ED

Baker Ed fell into his hot oven, and was baked with the dough 
And all the mourners were given, a slice as a memento.


LION TAMER FRED

In this vault lies the headless body of lion tamer Fred
Who stumbled onto a lions mouth and who then bit off his head. 

ARCHIBALD DE WITT

The world famous conductor Sir Archibald De Witt
Was hit with the arm of a trombone and fell dead in the pit.




Written 27th April 2022.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

Poem

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12
Ricci Avatar
June 16, 2024 at 3:40 AM
Tom Tom Tom. Good Morning. This is creative and clever and well thought out. All of it. I hope you realize how grand a writer you are with your themes executions and your attention to detail. This is true of all your entries and works. Truly. Thank you for sharing your extraordinary talent. May this day find you well. Peace and Blessings now and always. (smile)
Cunningham Avatar
June 16, 2024 at 7:17 AM
Thank you very much Lisa, we've all got to go so might as well laugh death in the face. Hopefully not too soon though lol. Hope your weekend is going well. Tom
Beaufort Avatar
May 5, 2024 at 8:30 AM
Tom, you've highlighted some interesting and ironic conditions that we can end with. I particularly liked the rhyme about Putin, the clockmaker, and the librarian. Good to have some humor in this crazy world of ours. Thanks!!
Cunningham Avatar
May 5, 2024 at 9:27 AM
Thank you very much Duke I'm happy you enjoyed the dark humour, I hope my exit isn't quite as dramatic lol. Hope your day is going well. Tom
James Avatar
June 16, 2022 at 1:41 PM
lol. these are clever and funny Tom. Enjoyed them all. Emilia : )
Cunningham Avatar
June 16, 2022 at 1:43 PM
Thank you Emilia, im happy that you enjoyed them. I wonder what my family will put on mine lol. Tom
Tor Avatar
May 30, 2022 at 8:40 PM
Im smiling Tom, thanks for the humour...
Cunningham Avatar
May 31, 2022 at 12:21 AM
Thank you Michael, glad you enjoyed them. Tom
Baker Avatar
May 10, 2022 at 3:37 PM
Great Epitaph poem, Tom. Bill
Cunningham Avatar
May 11, 2022 at 12:45 AM
Thank you very much Bill I'm happy you enjoyed them. Tom
Gorelick Avatar
May 10, 2022 at 2:13 PM
Archibald's death was quite dis--concert--ing. Your epitaphs are beyond clever, Rob
Cunningham Avatar
May 10, 2022 at 2:16 PM
Lol, thanks Robert it will get us all so we might as well laugh death in its face. Tom
Watt Avatar
May 9, 2022 at 11:35 PM
Tom, your humour is the greatest thing since sliced Ed. I love all the ironic ends to these professionals going about their business. "Poor Jim, time was not on his side", is my favorite, but every one brought a smile. Did you hear about the undertaker who moved his office across the street? He's in a better place now.
Cunningham Avatar
May 10, 2022 at 1:09 AM
Lol love it John, a bit of humour never goes amiss with all the gloom in the world right now. Hope you're keeping well. Tom
Goldsmith Avatar
May 8, 2022 at 8:27 PM
WOW!!! You were on a roll. Creative writesssssss. Have a blessed day writing away or are you out of ink??? ...........
Cunningham Avatar
May 9, 2022 at 12:07 AM
Thank you Paula, funny thing just bought some more as my printer was running out lol. Tom
Vangaveti Avatar
May 8, 2022 at 8:23 AM
Beautiful epitaphs written with wit!! Loved all especially Putin's!!
Cunningham Avatar
May 8, 2022 at 8:27 AM
Thank you Swetha, I know it will get me in the end but I'll laugh at death in the face. Hope your weekend is going well. Tom
Krutsinger Avatar
May 6, 2022 at 1:31 PM
My fave tom "PUTIN At his victory parade in Red Square Putin, had a fatal heart attack And the inscription on his headstone reads, Karma will always get you back."
Cunningham Avatar
May 8, 2022 at 8:26 AM
Thank you very much Caren, it's one I hope comes true. Tom
Proxenos Avatar
May 6, 2022 at 9:47 AM
Your wit spontaneous and sharp - an epitaph, a true reality! Blessings, Jennifer.
Cunningham Avatar
May 8, 2022 at 8:26 AM
Thank you very much Jennifer, glad you enjoyed them. Tom
Y. Avatar
May 4, 2022 at 11:14 AM
WoW! Tom, You outdid yourself with these hilarious yet well-written Epitaphs. I laughed out loud reading them. I enjoyed each one of them. Have a great day:-) Alexis
Cunningham Avatar
May 4, 2022 at 11:37 AM
Thank you very much Alexis, a serious subject I know but we might as well have a laugh before it gets us. Hope you too have a lovely day. Tom
Dietrich Avatar
May 1, 2022 at 1:34 PM
These are AWESOME, Tom. My FAVE for the day.
Cunningham Avatar
May 2, 2022 at 12:13 AM
Thank you very much Andrea, just back from my travels again. I was thinking death will get us all eventually so might as well try and have a laugh about it. Tom
Logan Avatar
May 1, 2022 at 8:58 AM
So many terrific epitaphs attest to your sense of humor. Tom, you are a king a wit.
Cunningham Avatar
May 2, 2022 at 12:11 AM
Thank you very much Jenna, I like to laugh in deaths face, hope when I go it will be with a smile on my face. Tom
Horsman Avatar
May 1, 2022 at 5:53 AM
Wow, you sure have been busy, Tom, and the poetry superb, apt and poignant too. great stuff.
Cunningham Avatar
May 2, 2022 at 12:10 AM
Thank you very much Harry, I suppose death is not humourous but it will catch us all in the end. Glad you enjoyed them. Tom
Daniel Avatar
May 1, 2022 at 3:57 AM
Had a good laugh, Tom! Excellent set of funny epitaphs:)
Cunningham Avatar
May 2, 2022 at 12:08 AM
Thank you Jo, im happy you enjoyed them. Tom
Trifiatis Avatar
May 1, 2022 at 3:03 AM
My dearest friend, Tom, you have managed to make Epitaphs a... joyous affair! Superb! Blessings!
Cunningham Avatar
May 2, 2022 at 12:07 AM
Thank you very much Demetrios, glad you enjoyed them. Just back from Turkey, playing catch up now. Tom
Gentile Avatar
April 30, 2022 at 6:13 AM
Wow, you could start a business." Epitaphs Are Us" or something similar, lol!! Good job! Happy Saturday!!!
Cunningham Avatar
April 30, 2022 at 6:38 AM
Lol, thanks Mike, glad you enjoyed them, enjoy your weekend. Tom
Deo Avatar
April 30, 2022 at 1:14 AM
Good mix of serious & jovial Karma. (action & reaction, sow & reap) poems. Shalom shalom,& thanX Tom
Cunningham Avatar
April 30, 2022 at 1:46 AM
Thank you very much Anil, just a bit of humour to lighten the mood, Tom
Proxenos Avatar
April 29, 2022 at 4:48 PM
À very appropriate headstone for Putin excellent Tom blessings Jennifer
Cunningham Avatar
April 29, 2022 at 10:57 PM
Thank you very much Jennifer, glad you enjoyed them. Tom
Radice Avatar
April 29, 2022 at 7:11 AM
I think there's a book of epithaphs by TC in here just waiting to be printed. I'd buy it. Cheers - Gary
Cunningham Avatar
April 29, 2022 at 9:02 AM
Lol, thanks for the vote of confidence Gary, im glad that you enjoyed them. Enjoy your weekend. Tom
Buhagiar Avatar
April 29, 2022 at 2:31 AM
Marvellous Tom. Gave me a good laugh in this drab atmosphere in living in.
Cunningham Avatar
April 29, 2022 at 3:44 AM
Thank you Victor, I think the state the world is right now is dragging everyone down, humour certainly doesn't go amiss. Tom
George Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 8:37 PM
These are indeed wonderful epitaphs....Tom !They make us feel pity and at the same time tickling us to laughter ! Love Radio Active Scum and Farmer Murray more. Enjoyed so much .....
Cunningham Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 9:45 PM
Thank you Valsa, I know death isn't a funny business, far from it. But we've all got to go sometime. Might get my kids to read these at my funeral, my way of laughing death in the face. Tom
Poet Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 7:02 PM
Tom, you've written some fantastic epitaphs. I'm completely spoiled for options. They're just funny! I really appreciated each and every one of them.
Cunningham Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 9:41 PM
Thank you very much Lasaad, just trying to lighten the load in these dark times, I know death isn't funny and I hope when my time comes I can laugh in the grim reapers face. Tom
Wolf Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 6:41 PM
Jim and Brown Bread Ed are my two favorites. Thanks for all the laughs, Tom. I can really use some this week. Keep Smiling, Gershon
Cunningham Avatar
April 28, 2022 at 9:39 PM
Thank you very much Gershon, I think we all need a bit of humour with the doom and gloom going on at the moment. Tom
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