Humorous England Poems

There was a young woman from Crewe
So drunk that she puked in her shoe
The old biddy who saw
Dropped her mouth down in awe
For they were...

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LOST IN BRITAIN

Poling, Patching, Nether Wallop, 
Matching Tye and Droop

Plumpton, Lickfold, Puddletown, 
Westward Ho! and Throop.

Hole of Horcum, New Invention,
Boghead, Frome, Cat's Ash

North Piddle, Staines...

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Some people like it a lot:
Royalty and all that rot.
My lineage, U.K. be,
But I do not bend the knee....

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I offen soffen neether content nor intent,

       eether explicit or implicit about 

      ...

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Seen in the movies, swishing swords about,
Those Ninja fighters make you want to run,
Hiding in shadows, jumping in and out,
Would challenge me: my Ninja skills...

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Friday Night Check-ins


The days have been calm and collected.
The guests have been happy, content.
The weekday staff scurry out from the hotel
To avoid the upcoming event.

Weekend...

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Mary Smith, a famous knocker-upper
in London's East End,
Shot dried peas with her pea shooter.
At workers windows
to wake them up
to get to work on time
Every morning
Mary...

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It’s Jubilee tea at my auntie’s care home
Aunt Phyllis’s hair could do with a comb
But she doesn’t mind and puts on her hat
The queen won’t...

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baubel fisted clown wiggle

rhyming tune silly jiggle

oppositional

suppositional

merry fool make us giggle.
...

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Alfred, Lord Tennyson,
When all was certainly said and done,
Wrote “Better to have loved and lost…,”
Perhaps that was the bar he crossed.

written October 12, 2021...

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When England play semi finals they tend to draw,
losing on penalties to teams who score more, 
someone will miss one of that we are sure,
repeating...

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Dozy with Cider
The tavern was quiet but for old farmer John,
when the Kings rider strode in demanding a bed,
He ordered his ale and sat next...

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I’ve just made some bubble and squeak
Fried leftover food, it’s unique
I add cooked green sprouts
In massive amounts
No wonder I fart for a week!

*Bubble and squeak...

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Looking back, one thing comes clean-glass clear
you were always there for me subduing every fear.

I tried to do my duty, be a husband strong and...

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this is the tale of ed jeeves

notorious friend of thieves

each fall he will rise

to much darkened skies

and pilfer neighbors red leaves.
...

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