Weed for a pillow
she lies,
not exactly waking
not exactly sleeping,
washed up on the morning tide
released from all the secrets she was keeping
Glistening moonlight casts a grey veil,
shining down on the boy afloat in a river.
Alone with thoughts, voices that aren’t his.
They cannot give you what you seek
The good ones are gone,
The bad ones are everywhere.
Meaningful devotion,
starving for connection.
Denied entry at hearts red gates
I’ve watched you from your cowardly eyes.
Struggling to find her,
while the world tries to make you choose.
Love is a weakness,
it’s choking you.
Sink into the darkness.
Sitting alone in the rainy enchanted forest
A place where my ugly thoughts could rest
I was writing in my notebook in peace
Words of love flowing like a gentle breeze
Then elegantly, a curly haired siren came to the surface
He looked right at me with his mesmerizing blue eyes
With grace, he softly touched my face
Saying : “I’ll make you forget the reasons of your cries”
Used to loneliness and coldness
I let him bring me to the darkness
Thinking it would erase my sadness
Instead, I got stuck in a mess
It was impossible to escape my weakness
I couldn’t help but follow this beautiful creature
How hypnotizing were his features !
A poisonous adventure of capture
That rapture in nature became my drowning torture
drowning
rain falls harshly
gutters overflowing
water shoots out of old spouting
rainstorm
I go down now, thinking about my life
Thinking about how it could not suffice
My greed, my boundless wants
and all of my empty flaunts.
As the endless sea pulls me down
I wonder upon my death, will anyone break down?
Were my relations honest or were they false?
I believe I'll never know, as death and I perform a waltz.
I cannot tell what waits ahead of me
but I hope it's peace and serenity.
I feel like I am in the belly of a whale right now. That whale is grief... I am just floating around with whatever else is in the whale's stomach. Every time the grief hits me, I try to hit it back to force my way out. Casually just waiting for it to eat me while also looking for a way out. Maybe eventually I can find a way out, like Marlin and Dory did in Finding Nemo, but for some reason, the whale wants to keep me there. It likes my company...
Why did it eat me?
What does it want from me?
Why can't it just spit me out already?
Why is it so dark in here?
Will anyone ever find me in here?
I'm scared. I'm alone.
Hello?
Anyone?
Help me out of here!
I don't want to be like this
Missing my happiness
Driving down the road
Ready to crash into that post
On my way to meet god
When I'm ready to go
Not sure if anyone would know
If I were to die
Never aware of my pain
Grasping for my last breath before my death
Far above your conscious, a bird beats its own wings,
on its own way,
to its own destination.
A sharp gust slices the air—still not catching you in its breeze,
but it’s enough to cool to the bird,
and release a feather.
It drifts down, falling mile by mile,
traveling mouth by mouth,
assumption by assumption
to your lake.
It’s a nice lake. Man-made.
It only goes so deep, so wide, so long,
and so do you.
The feather shatters the azure surface,
in doing so it glides just ever so slightly, below beneath you’re peace of mind.
Then you’re flooding because you can’t contain yourself,
and you’re chocking and clocking me,
waves rocking the shore,
feather floating above still.
Yet another vestige of love lost
whetted cheeks and swollen eyes
life's cruel moments wreak havoc
within the softness of one's heart.
A heart stops beating with malice
the breath gone in a rattle and hum
final whispers and the brain quivers
dormant pulse and a bluish pallor.
The tempest roars insatiably loud
a body can be lost, never to be found
great ships disintegrate upon granite
lives are left, penned on parchment.
The Reaper stares jubilant from rocks
as a grand lighthouse loses once more.
Clothing and splintered wood float by
as rubble and rabble left on the shore.
In a stormy gale, glows a freakish orb
slapped by the tail of a golden stingray
harbinger doomed in a soulless sky
tears in the torrent beget a dark night.
My soul yearns to wander
the thoughts of beauty
where my dreams drift endlessly
on winds of wishes
when I read the words
forming in my mind
as metaphors scatter cold
and sentences run wild
and I'm drawn toward
mystic meadows of wordy mists
where illusions are scribed
in wondrous wonder
to become crumbled pages
of poems that could have been
Tonight I'll cry for my unwritten words
as I sit before the fire
and toast to my heart
beating like a drum
calling out the poems in my mind
that vanished, leaving me empty
drowning in darkness
Do you ever feel noise? It´s all too strong...
Assaulting the ears like a siren song.
Drowning in a see of chaos, I cannot swim,
In this chaotic hymn.
I do. I drown in the sounds of chewing and kids shouting and high pitched yelps,
nothing helps,
The sound is too loud and the silence is too quiet,
my thought a damn riot.
When will it be over this hurricane?
When will I finally feel sane.
IS it just me...
In this sea of too much sensory?
One breath...
the sound is not my death...
two breaths in and out...
ignore the shouts...
I´ll be okay.
I can keep going through this stormy day.
In and out.
I´ll figure it out.
If I said this is me trying,
If I told you that
Isolation was becoming
More of a destination than an action,
Would it be enough for you?
I know I’m too much,
Not enough to fit the mold that I once laid
Perfectly in,
I know I failed to flourish,
I know I faltered.
I’m sorry.
I learned to swim before I could run,
Because when you spend your whole life drowning,
Floating becomes survival.
The pavement hurt to fall on,
But at least I could patch myself up, heal.
The water takes everything.
It’s surround sound,
Sensory deprivation,
My lungs fill with the density,
And I sink deeper and deeper,
And I finally understand that it’s got me,
The darkness that doesn’t quite dissolve.
A lingering,
A taint.
I’ve learned to live with it,
I can’t remember a time it wasn’t in me,
But I can feel the level rising,
It’s consuming my entirety.
Each and every time I think it’s getting lighter,
The pressure doubles
And I feel myself condensing into nothingness.
I thought I could leave this all behind,
Until I finally understood,
This depth,
This ocean,
There will be no escape.
361.
My Fear of Drowning
I fear physical death because I may just go…
To the turbulent stream, river, sea or ocean
Where I'll become feed to fish, mollusk or crustacean
Like Jack of Titanic who was never seen again!
To the silent pond, lake, pool or well
Where I'll dilute & dissolve trapped in a shell
Like Sadako of Japan haunting a vessel!
-03/17/2015
(Dumarao)
*My Fear of Death Collectio
Longing for a precious
destination experience
capturing a realm and a paradise
to relive the peace and quiet
inside the comforted soul of a warrior
Fading flames of fervour have extinguished my once fervent fight for fulfilment and a bright future.
My future lies ahead dead, stone cold dead and lifeless, no chance for a revival- yes you heard what I said.
Waning wishes have worn down my willpower, leaving me lost in a weary wasteland.
No direction home, no guiding star from above, only a dark, perilous void filled with bitterness and regret.
Stripped of my spirit, devoid of hope- this lost soul cannot float.
I'm drowning, while you only describe the water to me.
Watching my former self silently suffer, as soulless serpents slither by.
Ignoring my cries, drifting further from my dire circumstances.
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