Am I drowning?

Another conversation within myself. Another riddle within the spectrum of possibility. Wouldn't it be wise to search for someone in this moment of desperation? Fighting to wipe away these tears that wont keep. Standing in the rains of despair. The machine becomes obsolete. How to find clarity? Diluted fantasies? I know somewhere my questions cease transcending the mark that keeps them guessing. A fallible facsimile that I'm doomed to repeat. I only need speak it into existence, with words that clip dirty wings. So now no one walks alone. Avoiding the idea that there is no escape. Such a desperate moment. Actually, it's beautiful in the way that I remember her smile. Desperate when I recall the tears that ran down her face. My head tilted to the side, trying to make sense of it all. Trying not to feel at blame, while simultaneously trying to feel it all. this moment cannot define me, us. I can only wade in this pool of raw emotion for so long. Trying to find the pain from scars that have long been healed. Such an ironic perfection. A momentary lapse of judgement as I let myself slip under the waterline