the forest is tree filled
but there is an isolation unsettling
a fragility disorienting
due to lack of humanity.
The solitude in nature is overwhelming
and sense of self slips,
identity vanishes,
dissolving, fading
into the silence
of the forest.
Like Harry Potter, the sorting hat (my mom)
has placed me in a bloody, crimson colored school.
It’s disorienting, as I go about, the logos are wack.
Poor little rich girl
no beachside lovers
this interminable, scorching summer.
I’m swept up by scholastic spirit.
Can you hear it? Cause it’s deafening me,
on this cool, dry, Boston orientation day.
As we finished our morning 8k jog,
the sunrise blossomed, painting hot lava clouds
with hues of yellow, orange and pink.
We’re traipsing unfamiliar paths,
It’s not what we’re used to, the roads are uneven
and the architecture’s all boxy and wrong.
.
.
Songs for this:
New Toy by Lene Lovich
Better After All by Jonatha Brooke
Now At Last by Feist
Wealth, a siren's charm, alluring and bright
A pillow's softness, a thimble's gentle might
It provides for earthly needs, a feast to behold
Yet, in its depths, a darkness unfolds
Oh, wealth! Where is thy dominion?
Poverty's cold grasp awaits, a dismal throne
A worm on a hook, luring the unsuspecting prey
Into a realm of excess, where virtues fade away
With dastardly cunning, it deletes the lines
Of custom and tradition, leaving only decline
A game of chance, where flies buzz, sensing decay
A babe in arms, fed poison, as the future slips away
Oh, wealth! Where is thy wand?
Unfolding minds like Sodom's gates, ajar to sin
Multiplying desires, like an untamed, raging sea
Disorienting hearts, like shifting sands, lost and free
You deceived the prodigal son, with promises so grand
A mansion's luxury, a selfish, wandering hand
Despising family ties, and the love that once was true
A leader's arrogance, forsaking the greater good, anew
My eyes deceive me,
Wondering, worrying
if I am free.
The current pulls me out
it's disorienting.
yet, you don’t see me pout.
Forty won’t come
But you promised.
so fragmented, so gruesome.
My eyes deceive me.
It's disorienting.
so fragmented, so gruesome.
I know she is lost
but those lost
can be brought home
I want to print
one hundred
missing flyers
but how she’d hate
to be found
believes she knows
this twisting trail
Like her mother’s
weary face
awaiting a simple knock
If I linger
in her swelling shadow
will I be swallowed?
If I dispel
my every urge
to search and save
will she forget me?
If I rush
toward her trembling arm
golden cape draped from my neck
will she resent me?
Missing pets
might stray to long
surrounding sidewalks
turn strange
She is far from
a mangy mutt
still she prowls in pursuit
of his fleeting praise
How does he have her
blindly convinced
he is steering
the right direction
How does he have her
mindlessly certain
his hostile affection
is truer than us
Us who never screamed
who seldom swore
would not dare sneer
It is unsettling
to remain upset
I have lost her
She is the one
trudging through
the disorienting fog
She is the one
facing the perilously unknown
evergreen grove
miles from home
I am only the one
who knows
she is lost
The turning wheel of time stirs up the dust of disarray,
that settles in the crumbling cauldron of disordered life.
In the maiming moments of disdained dejection,
truth tumbles in the mélange of disorienting chaos.
Under the scorching blaze of the envy flame,
the desiccated soul suffers parched and forsaken,
searches for the niche of sanguinity in self-belief
to get the self-seeking shade of hope in frustration.
The sapling of irresistible longing rooted deep in desire,
nurtured in the receptive core of the longing heart,
blossoms the flower of passionate hedonism,
luring the being with the illusion of impulsive urge.
In the disorderly squall of divesting dismay,
the mangled mind is disheveled to a dishabille state,
tries to snap the chords of captivating greed,
the psychic cascade of unconcern carries them away.
Chasing the mirage across the dunes of desolation,
the hope of taking life to the oasis disappears deluded.
As the beleaguering storm of disenchantment blows,
consciousness takes the correction course to undo despair.
I don't want to hurt others with this thought
But my work can hurt others besides myself
I'm spinning, I don't know what to do
Like the ocean of other people's passion
I have a wooden boat wreck
My brain is not made for this world
I hear chattering
An illusion, a nightmare, a disorienting confusion
I am waiting for you to tell me
The voice is loud, there is no heart for me anymore
Someone tells me to run away
go out
when i go out
All eyes follow me
Everyone brings a gift of death
Everyone is coming to celebrate my death
I am tired of this bitter and irrelevant nonsense
Someone is screaming
It's like he's holding a saw and cutting me
I feel light because of my own fear
full of not jumping
In the scene of my death
It is interesting to worry about my future
I just played a game
Like the rest and all who slide
They just act like scary clowns
All become just a naked corpse
Everyone just wakes up
They are playing a role
Everything becomes just a naked corpse, that's all
I'm just tired of this bitter and irrelevant nonsense
A winding pathway
Through the woods and over hills
Lost in natures peace
A path of petals
Soft underfoot. Gently sways
Flowers lead the way
A path in the dark
Disorienting and cold
Guide me to the light
UPSIDE DOWN
inverted, topsy-turvy
unhinging, disorienting, confusing
puzzle, somersault; details, viscera
twisting, wearing, turning
front to back, socks
INSIDE OUT
written October 10, 2021
Upside Down Town
Not a ripple disturbs the
Surface of Sunset Lake.
In the bright sun
I squint across the pond,
And there I see my town
In the water mirror,
Upside down!
Houses standing on their roofs,
Their colors bleeding greens
And grays and yellows like
Paints on a silver-blue
Impressionistic canvas.
The gnarled branches
Of the oaks and maples,
Instead of reaching skyward,
Stretch their leafy fingers
Toward the bottom of the lake,
As if fishing for their lunch!
Upside down cars whiz by
Above the houses,
Wheels spinning in the air.
A patch of feathery yellow reeds
Grows down, not up, and
Sweeps the sandy depths.
Do you suppose that people
In those topsy-turvy houses
Are standing on their heads?
Or walking on the ceilings
Just as Mary Poppins did?
Maybe they just float,
Like astronauts in space,
And drink their soda
Through a straw and eat
From drifting plates!
It’s disorienting, yes,
To say the very least!
I really think I like
My town much better
Right side up!
Grossly entangled in the wretched vines, all the way ignoring the glaring signs.
Abandon all hope ye who enter, or risk becoming your own tormentor
This feeling, this train, so unrelenting. Back and forth, disorienting.
What a shame you never learned to fight. Nor the sting of hunger, the rage of appetite
With body weak and mind so poisoned, you should have delayed the constant enjoyment
Ran swift with the fear to embrace a breach, strengthen the body, your mind, and speech
Laugh like you’re mad, but keep your focus center. Remember when you choose this route, there is no surrender
It requires every inch of you, the blood, the sweat and tears. To fight away the want to run and face down all your fears.
God, what is infinite mercy?
God, what is Love?
God, forgiveness for what?
Fear not for God is with thee…
God, if you are with me I can’t see you.
I feel safe when I can see who is with me.
God I am so alone and afraid. How can I fear not?
God, I am falling blind in a dark abyss with vertigo.
Falling is terror enough but why this disorienting tumble
in muscled salty waves of oceanic cosmos?
Strong arms tangle, strangle, caress, toss up, down, upside down…
will I drown or is this the labor to life?
Are the contractions pushing to an opening prayer?
Dammit God dammit, are you there?
Rip mayhem-
Shrieking birds, waves of soft
Pink chattering, disorienting love
Sweet clinging rain-soaked bodies
Intertwined in deep earth chords
Vibrating my soul, cleansing my brain
Thank you, Thembi!
Your message pure, like hidden springs I
Visit in Northern Minnesota Forests-
Unspoiled
Everlasting....
Tribute to Pharoah Sanders
February 2010
The girl in the mirror says to me
"Don't fall in love, it only ends in tragedy."
I accept her advice and I go on my way -
Expecting a simple, ordinary day.
But then, it happens, and her words echo,
Across my mind as time seems to slow.
I see him standing across the room and I know -
She's right but I cant find it in myself to go.
Days turn to weeks, to months to years,
I begin to think she's wrong, and im free of the fear.
Except, one morning I awake and she's there,
And she shakes her head, runs a hand through her hair,
"I warned you," She says, and i look away,
Because I'm an idiot and he can't stay.
I don't cry or beg or plead as he leaves,
I just stand there and remind myself to breathe.
Because love is beautiful tragedy,
A sorrowful mess of intangibility -
And while the pain is intense, and disorienting,
I know that I am not alive, unless I'm hurting.
The light in the void is spinning!
The sounds in the air are crushing!
The breathing is fast, in the lungs air's hitting!
The slits in the eyes are not seeing!
The drilling is deep, thunder's exploding!
The movement felt is disorienting!
The pain in my head is never ending!
Migraine's got a hold and it's staying!
Can't sleep, can't talk, can't eat, can't see, can't walk!
Concentrate on pain...it worsens!
When will this end.....PLEASE!!!!
Begs this person!
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