What is it...?
What is it?
The root of the pain...
Once found,
It will return to be dealt with again.
Will I recognise it...?
Will I recognise it?
Eating me alive...
Trying to catch myself,
Before I spiral into taking the dive.
Am I trouble...?
Am I trouble?
Studying our humanity...
Led to understand again,
My God Given Entity.
How vulnerable...?
How vulnerable?
Permanent safety unobtainable.
Evolutionary Growth requires,
The uncomfortable.
Which lenses...?
Which lenses?
Perspective to wear...
Back and forth,
Emotions displayed and laying bare.
What's next...?
What's next?
Lessons always painful...
Polarity strangely makes me grateful.
Cyclical Reminisce
Pendulum skips one bang to the bead
Triggers the feeling to turn it off lead
Allows memories to run and circulated
Reminiscing promises you once articulated
Deep in mind are the guilt and regret
Keep looking back and wanted to reset
If only not tempted, no hearts will be broken
If only not lusted, no trust will be fallen
Fridays are bluer since the day of part ways
Laughing is not better than shared as always
Messages are sent waiting for responses
Hoping to be seen even it is now nonsense
Memories suddenly comes in cyclical
The unfold pages comes in unintentional
One day the fate will surely cross again
And surely, that will never cause any pain
This entropy, it's endless.
I'm captive in your void of sleep.
My eyes are strung open,
My hands clung to you
But I'm drifting off,
I'm drifting far away,
Away from here, and as hard as I grasp onto you,
I know I won't be back.
Every time it happens.
I can't think straight,
I am so far off,
And if I can't be me,
I can't even stand to be you.
Dormant. Defenceless.
So I hold you by your neck and scream, but
It won't come through.
It never comes through.
And how could it if I can't freaking move?
And how could it if you never wanted a defence
While I'm thrashing and crying
And my throat is burning
With all the hatred,
For every time this happens,
For every night you betray me.
Repeating.
You always take the bait.
We always lay dead in the trap.
And you're leaving me.
You're bleeding out.
Like that, gone for good, without a last chance to bid farewell.
And I can't help but think that,
I'll either live without you
Or die without you
And I can never think what's worse.
So if you can't even see this...
If I can't just breathe with this...
If I don't just kill myself first...
The pushing pelvis,
the slippery and new -
minus recall.
Amnesia drone
coming or going
home,
cyclic rebirth,
peddling hard to uncertainty.
Dozy or bright
dynamo light
self-made
doomed to fade
uphill and over
pushing through
toward an ill-defined 'it.'
A lifelong nap,
a newborn holler
into the latex catcher's mitt.
Headlong life buzz.
Squeezing through forgetfulness.
Born again into the holy whirlpool,
of - what to do next,
eat, crap, join something.
Leap or roll
through the big paper ring,
burst into the unknown
as the cheering dies.
there’s a problem with faith.
Yes, I’ve seen mothers with interlaced fingers
& optimistic minds will god into
sick children.
Faith firm as cinderblocks,
building retaining walls against floods
of adversity.
Yet, I’ve seen fathers with frayed hair
& sweat-stained shirts fall
broken, like bone china
to the weight
of brackish, ebon water.
The duality of faith,
cinderblock strong, tea cup thin
leaves me with more questions
than answers.
So I’ve stopped looking at others for proof.
I see god in the bright orange
webbed feet of the ducks on Lake Mission,
kicking with ferocity at unyielding water.
I see god in the grapevine, each aphid praying.
I see god in the stomach of every mother possum,
children clinging to her back
& have to believe they’re all made
of concrete, but
Spring as the first rays fall on frozen ground
The dew glistening in the early morning sun
And below ground the green curl begins
As heat from the astronomers source
Penetrates the distant land
The budding fern begins her journey
Long fallen autumnal foliage
Settled over winter under snow
Degraded now, brings new life
Nurture the ground, replenishing
Restoring natures balance to the soil
For new life to spring as the seasons forge ahead
The summer showers to moisten and some
The thirsts of long sun-soaked days
Restoring, verdant and texture as fronds unfurl
To sway in autumnal breezes, as earth cools
Damp in the air denotes the coming fall
Mists lay on meadows as nights draw in
Finally the green fades, dried and darker
Winter wind flurries and rustles the tendrils
All visible growth now returning to earth
Yes as the winter rages, snow and ice
Below the soil the fern she waits, patiently
Until the sun once more penetrates the soil in spring.
In this the third
Week of April
I loofahed from top to my toe
Every inch of
my scaly magnificence
bidding the lost parts go
Always loving a monday,
A first,ground zero
A change
Whether August or May
Or dawn of new day
I eagerly sought to know
To be at the pop
that starts a new race
On clean untrod virgin snow
What I sorely
lacked
Was conviction
In the self care
I hoped
To attain
To fall,then to rise
going wiser along
Without starting over again
Using what's gleaned
To propel me
To envision the pot holes and snares
Knowing that life
It is,what it is
Never advertised freely from cares
Hitting all the highs then the lows
thinking it will stop, on it goes
like a river, life just flows
water falling, break my bones.
I suppose I must keep swimming,
though the lights just keep on dimming,
joy and laughter keeps me winning,
till the next day finds me sinning.
I finishes with distractions,
reality of life providing satisfaction,
loved ones keeping me soul laughing,
there is nothing I am lacking.
But my soul has not yet settled,
All these actions make me disheveled,
Drowning in pressure I'm in peril,
I check out from my emotions.
Find myself overwhelmed by people,
impressing others should be illegal,
cant focus on my easel
abandon my mission in upheaval.
I must keep my focus tight,
eyes set on my goal in sight
people come and go all night,
My thoughts stay calm and cool despite-
The chaos.
Happy children with masks parade house to house,
Sneaking and creeping in way of a mouse.
Wearing cheesy cat ears; one a rhinestone crown.
There goes a princess in a glowing evening gown.
Superhero with invisibility cloak, power of flying.
Hershey bars next door? You’d better not be lying!
Blurry harvest moon shines with her best light.
Why does it always rain so hard on Halloween night?
Left on many porches are big plastic bowls of candy.
Here comes a cowboy; his red pistols are dandy!
There goes a dad, camouflaging his can of beer.
Halloween fun comes back like clockwork year after year.
Dorrie Ann left Herman again.
It happens on a cyclical schedule.
October, January, April and July.
A quad-yearly thing.
We cousins take her in.
Knowing in a day or two Herman will show up.
Sweet, with candies and maybe flowers.
He will sweet talk her back home
because he is tired of frozen food.
Dorrie Ann could be annoying after the
second day but none of us know this because
Herman’s pattern is cyclical too.
The wind waits for no man,
Nor tarries on steps of his fortune.
The tax man equates his ledger,
Ever wary of time that brings him none.
Great cities multiply and refuse to listen,
As pushcarts, filled with hubris,
Paint the sky with longlived hope for
change.
There, above the laws written by man,
Unicorns, resplendant in ivory coats,
Wait patiently for seasons to bear fruit.
At last, as soldiers march into battle,
God protects what man cannot see.
And all the righteous must abide,
'Till winds once more,
Refuse
To
Die
01/23/14
Dawn drinks daylight.
Sunshine spreads supremely.
Briskly brightens bays and beaches.
Restless readers reclined rise up.
Freshness flashes fair faces.
Wildlife awakens watches.
Life loves lusciously.
Man makes much merriment.
Responsibility reckons…repeatedly.
Continuity continues its cyclical connection.
© November 14, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
As unforgiving
nature may appear sometimes,
autumn leaves return...
*
Unequivocal
Divinity, eyes-shut Spring
Weathers winters’ all!
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