Humorous Chef Poems

I don my towerin' torque at a jaunty angle when I prepare my cuisine!
Eat yer heart out, Gordon Ramsey; of all the world's chefs I'm...

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My women's a rump-roast
Potatoes her thighs
Ripe reddened carrots
for thinly sliced eyes

Onions for folly
that lobes ring on high
Radishes hatched up
for lovers to eye

Thin flowing gravy
for sexual...

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The pastry chef made some cuisine
Then he went to use the latrine
He played in his pants
Which was covered with ants
Then fell into the mixing machine...

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The pastry chef made some cuisine
Then he had to use the latrine
He played in his pants
He wanted a chance
Then fell into the mixing machine...

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Learned to cook
From a book

One pinch here
Scant use there

Here’s the plan
Prepare pan

Coat with flour
Bake one hour

Fill halfway
Don’t delay

So how come
Looks like gum

Hard as grout 
Must...

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Three o’clock and Grandpa Cat Chef King 
Has snagged Samantha and brought her to the ring
She is in training to win dessert eating contest at...

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Stand back! Get out of the way!
The Master Chef is here to play!
I looked in amazement as the man ran in.
He was wearing a beard...

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Though I'm not a professional cook as the title might imply,
I can still whip up delectable fare in the blink of an eye.
And to an...

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I love my own chili,
I know it sounds silly,
heat in pot
nice and hot
it is truly a dilly.

I love my own meatloaf.
I throw on a sugar...

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Sergeant Schmo was chef in an Army mess.

   He excelled in concocting S.O.S.,

      But troops preferred M.R.E.s,

 ...

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A randy head chef from New Barber
Just couldn’t control his strong ardour
Caught on CCTV
Chef and waitress Marie
Having sex in the kitchen and larder

Poor Marie got...

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There once was a bad chef called Phyl
His cooking made customers ill
It sure was the pits
They all got the squits
So none of them would pay...

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The angry learner chef
A discerning  chap
Leers at how he's going to cook 
That special meal he likes 
In which pot shall he make his...

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They've named a new dish of pasta and noodles
After my wannabe chef, makes dough by the oodles
They call it “la scotta”
To try it ya oughtta
Puts...

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