A Doctor talks about my condition
as if reading a textbook in his head.
He even pauses like he is turning a page.
There is a large black fly
that keeps bouncing off the clinics window.
I 'm distracted, its head must be hard,
its eyes must be crystal.
Thump buz, thump buzz,
thump buzzz.
I have a headache.
My own eyes are kind of compound
mostly I see in facets,
even sand is prismatic to me.
The Doctor has stopped talking,
he is looking at me,
wondering why I have no questions.
After an awkward pause:
"You do understand this condition will worsen?"
The fly keeps bashing it head against the glass.
Thump buz.... thump buzz....thump buzzz....
Obviously, it wants in.
Now we are both staring at the crazy fly.
A humid silence bounces around
in my head.
My butt is beginning to sweat on the plastic chair,
soon I might,
ever so slightly,
purse my lips
and buzz off.
bothered
by their stingers
still I relish honey
better bypass bees' busyness
buzz off
A young man would strut round the office block
Thinking he was god's gift, come from fine stock
But his hip wiggle
Made the girls giggle
If only he'd known how the staff would mock.
Plainly seeking some office romances
But the fool of a man spoilt his chances
At an office do
He was stuck like glue
To the boss's wife, making wild advances.
There and then the idiot got the sack
Ordered to buzz off and step the road Jack
He went in a huff
Forgetting to strut
When told to send his last pay packet back.
Poly Math wanted to know how bumblebees can fly
they are so Rubenesque and yet, they buzz off daily
she researched it because it was so curious to her
there are many theories, but no definitive answers.
Why? Because we are not yet able to speak with bees.
What do we have to do to talk to bees?
Poly Math looked it up in twelve reference books
She also googled it, but alas, there was no reply.
Asking her echo was no help either.
“I do not understand the question,” the device said.
Whose voice is that? Poly Math wondered.
She was able to find this out, and felt satisfied.
For about six seconds. Then she heard a trill.
Was that a robin, cardinal, crow, wren or what?
She began listening to bird noises, so she might know.
Poly Math’s curiosity has always led the way.
Has brought her where she is today.
Degrees in anthropology, biology, zoology,
earth science, math, and psychology.
Toy Story characters argued ~ then Jessie told Woody to buzz off
he'd been caught flirting with Bo Peep ~ uh oh, Woody, you're in trouble deep
Jessie said she was leaving ~ couldn't get over Woody's deceiving
oh what a terrible end for the two ~ makes me want to cry, boo hoo
can Woody end his cheating ways ~ Jessie doesn't trust his word these days
he knocked on Jessie's door ~ but she said not to come around anymore
Woody tried to confess ~ Jess wasn't going to fall for his BS
Jessie slammed the door in his face ~ now Woody lives in total disgrace
Buzz and Jess are dating ~ Woody's in need of rehabilitating
Pleasing me is easy to do;
A trip your rambunctious nature,
I’m happy just being near you;
Speaking with that brand of candor
I get a buzz off of what’s true;
So why do you make it so hard?
Flying straight into such rapture,
caress me don’t be a coward.
Where did all the dandelions go?
Sometimes it isn't clear with these human fellows
Situations can be grey, not only black and yellow
We need them now, don't they know?
People seem to despise these little weeds
I happen to think they are pretty killer
It's tricky business though, to avoid the tiller
If they only knew, Oh Honey! this bee's got needs!
It really stings when they spray them down
Even though we strive to stay alive in our hive
It's spring and not all the flowers have arrived
So buzz off humans, this is our town
With our Queen in command, we rise!
Special unit, Nectar Collector Sector
You won't find us with your best insect prospector
When we mobilize upward to the skies
So we hover at antenna and prepare to fly
Calling all swarms, fall in and migrate
We're heading out, YOU attempt to pollinate
Bee warned humans, can't say we didn't try
Those who want me to try robbery
Can kick-start it with bribery
Or get ready for snobbery…
And I’ve fastened it on a Million Dollar
Plus a dozen shirt with Golden Collars…
Or my tempters for the buzz off!
For problematic it is to bring one off:
Always the quickest stony grief
For the daring beginner thief;
A sure tolling of the gloomy bell
That shall my miserable story tell
By those who for mere roguish eyes kill,
Let alone a move to rashly steal:
My body to hungry blows resign
Plus my face they shall redesign!
Stay in competition
with your own reflection,
Get a buzz off of beating yourself;
Take a very long hit
off of knowing you did it;
Chase the next level of your growth;
Bottle all that pent up anxiety
use it to tap into positive energy;
unlock a flow of unlimited potential;
Fuel that fire, chase being great
resilience is an invaluable trait;
When you see the end go a bit farther;
Run and see how far you can go;
Celebrate the show with a loud encore;
Turn the challenge into the addiction.
My head is spinning so fast it will not stop,
It's whizzing around like a spinning top.
My brain is buzzing like a bee,
I'm going so fast I cannot see.
I feel so tired I want to drop.
At picnics Sue's legs are akimbo
No panties, but Sue ain't no bimbo
It keeps pesky flies
Landing on our pies
Our days out are never in limbo!
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Anyone can make a man look namby-pamby
if they slander and obsess with non compos mentis,
take reputations down, you're as hard as Bambi,
even admitting you completely meant this
cus you were demented and empowered like a Nazi,
buzz off the authority acting nasty, trampy
making staff feel as strong as an ancient grampy
slander is an act as lame as can be you're a panzi
but as it slaps back a back hander with more power
and you no longer stand with authority or protection
cus you didn't predict that shield collapsing one hour
and forgot why you're stronger and not when it's gone
justify your lust for the crime after working out this rhyme
did I deserve it and you thought you should serve it
just stay silent and not even deny what I'm
suggesting you know you're guilty just admit it,
I know how to get in a mind and settle,
you got in mine and I went for suicide
but luck changed you made me invincible,
It must be your turn next to ride that ride.
A silver spider spied a golden fly,
and to it most amorously did sigh:
"O most glorious of flies!
What fine wings you have, what eyes!
No earthly thing shows beauty more.
I shall weave in silver thread
a garb for you, a vestment fair,
that we be forever wed,
a common destiny to share.
I in you, and you in me,
O how happy we shall be.
You shall be my metaphor.
To you I'll pose reality."
"I'm sure what moves you is benign,"
the fly replied in dulcet tone.
"Yet I regretfully decline
your offer of a common home.
My gold is - like your silver - pure,
and may such purity endure,
for purity, if once alloyed,
as sure as fate must be destroyed.
To sun and moon it was decreed
not fusion but duality
should constitute reality.
Cohabitation I debar!
I shall admire you - from afar!"
If I was a maggot
By Stanley Russell Harris
The new mad Author
If I was a maggot in the UK today! No doubt I’d have a short life.
If homebred, I meant to say; no doubt I’d find myself in a bin.
With others all a wiggling.
Then someone no doubt will take me out. Into the fresh air without a doubt!
Then if unlucky to my dismay, a barbed hook will be pierced through me one day.
Through the air I would then fly.
Land with a splash also says I. Then water would encompass me.
And swimming to the surface, will be an impossibility.
As I’d be weighed down by weights you see.
As I hold my breath and struggle so. A fish appears and attempts to eat me you know.
Suddenly it’s also on the hook, we are pulled out and the fish unhooked.
On this occasion, I fell onto the ground.
Wiggled away and was not found.
Where I crystallised and became a fly. Now when I mate I will see our eggs.
Are in the wild so our babies won’t die!
At least, not before they can become blue bottle flies.
And into the air just buzz off and fly.
Oh buzz off you crazy crazy hornet
Trying to land here upon my buttock,
Here I am eating my crispy cornet
Lazing naked in my garden hammock.
Tried to coax it with my berry ice cream
But alas it seems unprepared or blind,
Dancing upon an invisible beam
Homing in on me with a one track mind.
Could it be I’ve enhanced the essence air
With a gross wind to further relieve me,
Or is this a mock symphony of flair
Of a Britain’s got talent “Bumble Bee?”
His “The classical flight” winning first prize
In pain my swelling one hell of a size!
© Harry J Horsman 2015
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