I check to see all that I need--
Some books and my favorite tweed--
Are all in their place,
My snacks in their case,
Now all I got to do is read.
I was on a holiday with Fred
“Let’s see who can pee farthest,” he said.
Imagine my surprise
When I opened my eyes
To find that I had peed on my bed.
I was at a beach with a friend
Admiring how the ladies bend.
Suddenly a fart,
I woke with a start--
My nose against my dog’s butt end.
I felt her hands putting some cream
On me as I lay near a stream,
Then, she’s on my head,
I fell off the bed--
I woke to find all was a dream.
It was a holiday indeed--
I went to places sans the need
To get off the bed
And fold the bedspread
As I lay with my favorite read.
November 1, 2024
Baguio City, Philippines
Categories:
butt end, beach, dream, funny, holiday,
Form: Limerick
Breakup, Internet Style
Your emails are deleted as fast as sent.
On my cell’s contact list, you don’t exist.
I burn your face over and over again
Until only charred memories remain.
You’re on the internet with that other person,
In real time, abusing my emotions.
Then, wanting me back to satisfy your ego,
Just to see me a butt-end joke on social media
(But that isn’t going to happen!).
Your asinine tactics putrefy my stomach,
Your condescending words make me vomit.
From one to ten, you’re like yesterday’s text,
A purged message flushed down the toilet.
Categories:
butt end, break up, romance, sad
Form: Verse
The Easter bunny’s feeling sick
He ate eight boiled eggs for a trick
And cannot stop fartin
His butt end is smartin
The other bunnies took the mick!
Poor bunny said “It isn’t funny
I’ve got excess gas in my tummy
Eating eggs is a curse
And what’s even worse
My rabbit currants have turned runny”
While Easter bunny had a walk
His bunny pals began to talk
They came up with a plan
And saw hardware store Stan
Who fitted Bunny with a cork
When bunny just nibbled on hay
His flatulence soon went away
Long gone is the smell
And bunny is well
To bring chocolate eggs on Sunday
thanks to a friend who smoothly whispered a prompt to me
04/15/22
Categories:
butt end, easter,
Form: Limerick
Madam Um told me to wait
In a dark corner, I smoked
a cig and played with butt-end
And then flung it straight
To a lean man's face scowled
At living a life of super-pimp.
I wanted a girl around 20
Fair, sharp,smart, precocious
Bod well chiseled distinct
In evening darkness, smoke and smell
I was thirsty like an ass
I was ashamed at my angst.
But it was a bad luck
I could not choose a right one
I was new and unfledged
In the misty evening yellow
I touched a cold marble
That was my mistake.
Categories:
butt end, angst,
Form: Free verse
Limerick: Once an-Other Anchor-Woman at Sea Anne-Anne
Once an’ Anchor-Woman at Sea Anne-Anne
Slipped tongue into a Black Hole’s butt end
She came out Parallel
In multi-Verse pell-mell
Now she reads sweN at aeS (Ace) ennA-N*.
• For the general knowledge of readers of this limerick, humble clarifications are offered here. The capital letters: A, H, I, M, N, O, T, U, V, W, X, and Y are used without any visible change in the alphabet of our own Parallel Universe where – as everybody knows – Time regresses from Future to Past, i.e., e.g. say, from being “well-satiated” to being “hungry” and back forth. Here, even though “N” is written as “N”, the pronunciation is unwaveringly: “nE”. For more detailed explanations regarding the rules of prosody in our Parallel Uni-Verse, s’il vous plait, address your queries to Yours Truly at his address in Multi-Verse.
Merci Beaucoup!
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Categories:
butt end, humorous, sea, sea, universe,
Form: Limerick
who can you trust in times like these
when all you know are crooks and theives
but to your face they all put on an act
and will slander you as soon as you turn your back
this can be a terrible world we are in
always being double crossed by your so called friends
then finding out that you're the butt end of the joke
as you are being stabbed in the back by your own folks
life has such a harsh lesson to be learned
when you are putting out so much and continue to get burned
but there are trustworthy people out there somewhere
out of everyone you know there is always someone who cares
someone that will help you when you are out on a limb
so just make sure you haven’t already turned your back on them
remember evil can lurk in all genders and races
because everyone of us have at least two faces
Categories:
butt end, introspection, life,
Form: Enclosed Rhyme
Ogden Nash once penned us
On our social status
Thus: "Men don't make passes
At girls who wear glasses."
But picture his surprise
Should he suddenly arise;
How much it would astound,
So much now's turned around?
It sure would give him pause,
What fires men today; 'cause
Now they aim their passes
At girls with big asses!
Forget glasses! No girl
Gives men any quarrel
Because of that old vex:
Refractory index.
Today, no ifs or buts,
Her big rear end is what's
All their lust's focused on.
Somehow, though, it must dawn
On her, also, to infer;
Maybe he delights her.
Whatever...some 'ass' is
Sure to gaze through her glasses
In hopes to reach her heart
Before her butt end part.
He'll stare into her eyes
And pray that she complies.
Must Ogden Nash today
Revise his saw to say
That, "Men don't make passes
At girls with small asses?"
We, the lolling masses,
Must view all these asses.
We shake our heads and muse,
What's our next sex abuse?
Categories:
butt end, girlfriend-boyfriend, men,
Form: Light Verse
The boys fell out,
Quelled by violence
A lessening of intensity, now
We covered them with our duffle coats.
Thinking back on it I can see notices in gothic characters.
I no longer had the strength to move,
I lookd toward Hiroshima -
No dish in a restaurant.
We're miles ahead of them and
These are winter's last throes.
Letter to an unknown soldier:
Isn't it fabulous, even if it is Russian flesh?
Propaganda horizon,
For some mourning meant classes,
A last minute stop at the horizontal position of attention.
Tiny echoes, four more escorts:
I climbed the bridge.
The ignorance was mine, criminal instinct of self preservation.
This is forgery,
Hitler had had a closer bond that turned the scales,
A nation and its people.
Time to take.
I remembered suddenly the butt end of his rifle,
Expressionless.
Categories:
butt end, death, history, introspection, life,
Form: Blank verse