Best Underhand Poems
I visited his grave, but the grave was gone!
What? I know spirits travel but this just seems wrong.
There's a big hole where the grave used to be.
I think someone is playing a big prank on me.
On second thought, this is just what he would do
to have a big laugh, all his spirit friends, too.
I rushed home to see if it was in the back yard,
under the pear tree he would loudly disregard.
It's not there, but between the roses, it might squeeze.
Or under the mulberry that he knows makes me sneeze.
Or inside the house, oh please not beside the couch!
or under a table, so I'll have to crouch!
I open the closet expecting to jump,
not there either, but I spy a big lump
sitting in his "couch potato" chair;
yep, that's where he'd put it, if anywhere.
Not there either, now I'm becoming confused.
Raced back to the grave and it's still not being used.
I checked the marker on the grave next to his.
Why he moved it, I can't fathom, but there it is!
(This poem needs some explaining, I understand.
The grave is where it was, nothing done underhand.
A new one will go in next to the one she misplaced.
This woman got confused. Could be she's a tad spaced.)
I’m visiting the Manor with the paranormal society
It’s said to be haunted; I’m filled with some anxiety
The Duke was murdered, bringing his lover notoriety
With bloodied hands she’s found guilty of impropriety
The Manor is so spooky, at one time it looked so grand
I startle as the door slams, my boyfriend holds my hand
I shiver when the key turns, there’s something underhand
Being locked in the old Manor wasn’t something I’d planned!
The windows are all boarded up, I’m feeling quite unsure
He tells me not to worry; we can exit from the back door
Cobwebs hang from the ceiling, they’re something I abhor
I wish I’d never agreed to go on this ghost hunting tour
Members wander off in pairs to the renowned haunted zones
Detection equipment is set up; to pick up creaks and groans
We know we must be quiet and talk in such hushed tones
Suddenly our hand held scanners pick up wails and moans
The floorboards begin to creak; we hear footsteps in the hall
A dust covered portrait of the Duke suddenly falls off the wall
Hairs stand on the back of my neck and my skin starts to crawl
I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t like ghost hunting after all!
Tonight’s paranormal activity has given me such a dreadful fright
We hurry down the staircase; my face has turned a ghastly white
Our torches light up the entrance hall and to our great delight
The huge wooden door swings open and we escape into the night!
Sponsor Dear Heart
Contest The Haunted House
8/23/18
life, you’ve dealt me blows
left and right
some underhand and outright dirty
come on - don’t pretend it isn’t so
while it’s true
what doesn’t kill you
makes you stronger
it never seems so
at the time
but through the years
the many nagging losses
sure do prepare you
for the big ones
whipped into submission
convinced that’s all there is
yes maybe so –
but you can’t take away
from me
my memories
of glory days
between the losses
AP: 1st place 2021
Throw it, roll it,
Bounce it, pass it
Dribble it, bobble it
Kick it, toss it, miss it
Pitch it, hurl it
Heave it, sling it
Fastball, slider
Sinker, knuckler, curve
Underhand, sidearm
Overhand, 3/4 arm
Whiffle ball, tennis ball
Forehand, backhand, serve
Baseball, basketball
Football, volleyball
Golf ball, tennis ball
Hardball, softball, swerve
Matters not what sport you do
Or what result's deserved
Just go out and do your best
And play the game with verve
Many years ago I read a book entitled “Accidental Empires"
Of how a few men, from garden sheds, became multi billionaires
How could this be, what did they do, did they invent something new
Not really but if I say Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Apple Mac or Microsoft to you
Microsoft is a huge corporation but Bill Gates openly admitted he was a fraudster and a thief
Because the underhand, double dealing, industrial espionage etc went beyond belief
Microsoft invented the computer or so lots, if not millions of people believe
Making Bill Gates just like the US government and its UFO are real promotion, another trick up the sleeve
As long as you think Microsoft is the god, its Bill Gates win and your loss, on reflection
UFO attention takes peoples minds away from secret weapon, Black Projection
Dirty double dealings from both corporate and state but hang fire, hold on, wait
You have a choice that costs nothing, downloadable, its called Linux, mate
Operating systems built by the people for the people, especially those oppressed
Third world countries, low budgeteers, the Microsoftic angry crowd and the rest
I spent good money on Windows XP, now the support updates have gone
Just another buy some more another Microsoft-con
Well thats no good to me, now I have to spend fortunes on Windows 8 or 7
Thank god for Linux, Debian, GNU, hundreds of free operating systems, heaven
Bit like Henry Ford saying he invented the autocar, piss in the wind, far fetched, another steal
It was bits and bobs,trial and error the stoneage had the wheel
Can’t ride to work on a wheel, need an engine, tyres my mates a chassis and components, maybe out of state plates
How many new operating systems will it take to make a man mega rich beyond your dreams
As many as Microsoft knock out by conning the public, or so to me it seems
Bob Dylan once says, you can fool some of the people most of the time, you can fool most of the people some of the time but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time
So get yourself some free software mine is Linux Lime
A is for Ant (and for ass, your dad is an example of an ass)
B is for Bee (and for b*stard, your dad is a bast*rd - first class)
C is for Chicken (and for a word I don’t want to say - but see K)
D is for Dog (and also for Dynamite - which I’d like to shove up your dad’s... see A)
E is for Eagle (and for egotistical effing... see K... and C)
F is for Frog (and for Fu*ker, which your dad’s been doing with someone who isn’t me)
G is for Giraffe (and for Git - your dad is a Git... and he has two faces)
H is for Horse (and for Hard Up - which your dad was... in too many places)
I is for Insect (and for Insolvent, which thanks to me, he’ll soon be, with just one legal shove)
J is for Jellyfish (and Judas. Your Dad’s a Judas... with a rash from his illicit love)
K is for Kitten (and for making some words sound worse - see C)
L is for Lion (and Lobster, a creature with claws that belongs at the bottom of the sea - hmmm...)
M is for Mouse (and for machete and for manhood... which gives me an idea)
N is for Newt (and Nymphomaniac - neither should work at IKEA)
O is for Owl (and Optimistic, well, he thought that he left me fulfilled)
P is for Penguin (and for Philandering, at which your daddy is skilled)
Q is for Quail (and for Quickie, the best that your daddy could do)
R is for Rabbit (and Rampant - and once I got that, how did we get you?)
S is for Snail (and for Slug, which describes both your dad and his di*k)
T is for Tiger (and Torrid, your dad was this with some Randy chick)
U is for Unicorn (and Underhand, your dad was this night and day)
V is for Vole (and also VD, hence the rash that was listed in J)
W is for Worm (and for Merchant Banker, thats rhyming slang for your father)
X is for Xerus (and X-rated gel, I bet he’ll work up quite a lather)
Y is for Yak (and for Yesterday’s News, which is all your dad turns out to be
Z is for Zebra (and for Zeees, that his Nympho is catching, asleep next to me)
*
[Xerus is a genus of African ground squirrel]
As a disappointment, disappointed
That nobody else is this anointed,
This appointed, to levels of greatness;
Disappointed that rewards are weightless.
Rate this, after duplicated efforts!
Stalemates get dismissed without an escort,
Exported with all the disregarded.
How could a critic sound this retarded?
Critics lack what it takes to understand;
Overrated rats throwing underhand.
Demand their attention and their respect!
Allow them all to bathe in the regret
That they earned, by giving their opinion,
While doubting your creative dominion.
A Bo'sun in the pub was wheezing
From Wanda Mann's underhand teasing
An organist by trade
And accomplished milkmaid
Her fingers were quite busy squeezing
The Bo'sun recalled a sperm whale
That spouted away in a gale
Wanda knew how whales blow
And performed it just so
The Bo'sun would buy her more ale
The Bo'sun was never a sinner
And saw her a champion winner
He took her for wife
She took up her knife
And swallowed his sausage for dinner
The Bo'sun now lies underground
His widow is fooling around
Like an octopus
She will grab men thus
Explaining she's on the rebound
A widow must have food to eat
A sausage is filled up with meat
Just one dram of rum
And seamen will come
To give Wanda a cream-filled treat
But the Bo'sun's fate still lingers
Like Wanda's octopus fingers
'Tis said on her plate
She'd resuscitate
A galley of real humdingers
Now the Bo'sun's fate took a toll
On many a poor seaman's soul
When out on a date
Remember their fate
Keep your sausage out of the roll!
I live in England
My country is not in Google
No one recognises the name
I go under United Kingdom
And no one can explain
I live in the green and pleasant land
Rule Britannia and god save the king
But it’s done underhand
When I look there is nothing
France, Germany, Italy and Spain
Are all allowed to use their name
Mention England the barriers raise
I am as English it’s not a phase
My country is England
I live on my land
I am not Great Britain
Or UK so I say out loud
I live in England
It’s like a swear word
I have never harmed anyone
This name BAN is absurd.
David cox 24/02/23
the real name of a hero
that never dies
That mist that always
goes up even in day light
redeems them of the curse
the blessing,the hate and contradiction
that her forefathers' name carries
we sit around the eminent fire
that toxicated her with wisdom
that she she dished to us from
the calabash she held underhand
she sits,graceful with the twinkle
on those beautiful,rich brown
ebony eyes that showed the liveness in her
as the story of her life
walked out of her mouth
feminenly rolling her tongue
she elegantly holds high her head
as her radiant face
emits that urge that makes
one read within the wrinkles
of her well curved face
Those lines,tell a tale of their own
yearning for you to
trace a finger along them
so they can insipate in you
all there is to drawing every breath
and letting it go
she gave birth to the wonderfull earth and
all that walks down the trees
into the woods down across Babylon
into Canan
Words rubbed across her tongue
with ease and made me appreciate
this very woman
my mother was born to
and many other who walks this soil barefoot
She being the same flesh
as my mother,your mother
our mother,yet she utters
shadows that feeds many...
Unfurled are my sails
Upon a sea of unknowing
Wind of change guiding me
On a ship called “Fear"
The gentle tap...tap...tap
Of water from moisture ridden sails
Falls upon teak, underhand
Steering me from peace of mind
Trials and tribulations before me
Waves on a great expanse
Pound against my consciousness
Reminding me of mortality
Hope is a distant horizon
Parabola, near the setting sun
Adrift on an unlikely road
Where water meets the sky
Naked in this state of being
Stripped of all acquiesced
Still searching for reason
I succumb to faithlessness
-JJR 3/22/17
The Bass Strait sealing rush began in eighteen-o-three,
where at least a dozen vessels were wrestling with the sea,
for the China trade was booming, for the want of skins and oils.
This was the first real export, from Australian soils.
With prices high as gold, more entered in the Strait.
Ships joining in the rush, from India, France, U.S.A.
Sea Elephants roaming King and the nearby islands,
soon disappeared as the buccaneers cut the big herds down.
Cutters, brigs and schooners, dared through mist and haze,
as the cut-throats, thieves and pirates, plied their bloody trade.
With-in a loose alliance they colonized the islands,
along the southern coast in the Bass Strait sealing days.
Governor King encouraged sealing, for its productive article,
though he couldn’t find an answer when the French entered the cull.
When the ship ‘Surprise’ was wrecked, the crew died in the water.
The governor he wrote, ‘this may stop advances from this quarter’.
Commandant Bowan who controlled Tasmanian land settlement,
underhand from an American, four hundred pounds to his pocket went.
Delano was prepared to pay for the fortune he would rend.
The commandant gave an extra lift - seventeen Botany Bay men.
New sealing grounds were found in the late of eighteen-o-three.
Kangaroo Island produced thousands to be stored way up in Sydney.
Eleven men on the ‘Antipodes’ slaughtered ‘til o-five,
where sixty thousand skins were loaded - a record for all time.
Labourers they left the land for their fortunes to be made.
Boarded the ‘Union’ or the ‘Pilgrim’ - any boat that’s in the trade.
Now Governor King was turning as new problems showed their face.
So many men had left the land with no one to take their place.
monologue
Sealing died hard in Bass Strait. By seventy-one the trade for skins faded away.
The need for seal oil disappeared and now today, seals are protected.
A long haul away from the days back when -
Cutters, brigs and schooners, dared through mist and haze,
as the cut-throats, thieves and pirates, plied their bloody trade.
With-in a loose alliance they colonized the islands,
along the southern coast in the Bass Strait sealing days.
I heard real grief only two days ago,
from the tellers lips who told me so:
He'd reached the end of his tether that day.
he wanted to end his life some way!
He said he'd insulted family and friends
with things so horrible he'd reached a dead end:
no turning back from the course he now chose
this was it, his life must close.
I thought for a moment and gave this reply;
"Better to seek forgiveness before you die.
Your family will never really understand
why you did something so terribly underhand.
I'm sure they will all be there for you
to give advice that will help you get through!"
I have one goal, that is to become whole
Not to be faultless, but a gracious soul
To not become angry, but understand
When folk do the things I find underhand.
Anger does nothing but drive one insane
Those causing it, to them it's just a game
Must learn to let those hurtful words depart
Not to let them sting alike a thrown dart.
With only goodwill and fine deeds to do
A smile to greet all those that I meet too
My heart would then increase millionfold
It would seem my life was made of pure gold.
I must remember to pray day and night
That I can become a beacon of Light
Listening to what the Lord has to say
On how to shine bright, in a godly way.
Hoping it won’t be long for me to reach
The goal I desire, that will gift me peace.
I wish to be remembered, when I’m gone
For a lifetime well lived, by everyone.
If you knew, you would understand.
If you cared, you'd try.
If you don't you're underhand,
so why not tell me goodbye.
I am not a stepping stone.
I am not a temporary thing.
I am not here to make you smile,
or for your bias happiness to bring.
This is life not just a test.
This is no rehearsal.
This is over for the best,
how about that for a reversal.
If it is given then give some back.
If it is beautiful share it.
If it is broke then let it be,
do not provoke nor dare it.
Farewell to you half heartedly.
Farewell to you ex lover.
Farewell for I have dignity,
and now I must recover.