Best Sozzled Poems

It was my first Thanksgiving dinner as his wife
so I wanted the meal to be perfect in every way
But...trembling in fear, I cut my finger with a knife
It was the beginning of a day in piteous disarray

I didn't know a turkey would take so long...

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Well, I see that Congress is proposin' another trillion dollar spree!
Those inept buffoons must think money grows upon a tree!
The treasury is crankin' out bales of twenty-dollar bills,
Doin' their part to cure (and inflate) the nation's many ills!

Funds were 'loaned' to help carmakers, now they're...

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I pick up my notepad and find a sharp pencil
(Hope any comments won’t be too detrimental)
 
I scan the contest themes and hope I’m inspired
I’ll enter an old poem if I’m just too darn tired
 
I post my ‘best effort’ and hope that I win...

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Yoga is in half an hour, I've had my shower.
And dinner too, with wine.
Problem is last time I had yoga with wine,
after downward dog my head was a fog.
Not a good look, It could be mistook
for an unfit adult a little bit sozzled
at yoga class....

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Barefoot on the paving slab chill, concrete
feet feel frostbite emanations in their callused souls;
rooftop mystique clamours silent slate triangles,
perched the stray cat observers, red-eyes smoking coals.
Down to the river's edge where swaying reeds
feed mongrel contemplations with moist whispered words;
rusty oil-slicked surfaces lick the muddy banks,
karma...

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The old saw "Go West, Young Man" is attributed to Horace Greeley,
But it was coined by a writer from a Terre Haute paper, really!
Horace was agin' westward expansion and was filled with doubt,
So in 1839 he decided to travel west to see what it was...

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May tranquility reign and grace your Thanksgiving board this year,
As you thank the Good Lord for all the blessings you hold dear!

I pray that it will be a time of good cheer and not a free-for-all,
As in the dysfunctional family described below, ending in a...

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Jane was renown for her very short fuse

   'Specially when she was sozzled with booze

      She relished a barroom brawl

         And took on any and all

    ...

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There is a bubble of illusion right here on the soup
Its shadow still finds the same sozzled group
This conjuring is cloaked and lobbied with scripture
But ego confuses the muse and its picture

Artistry is squandered and concealed by the night
Infractions are made in the absence of...

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In through the front door he creeps 
The old girl lies upstairs asleep
Then he hears her call 
In his drunken stupor he falls
Her swear words should carry a bleep.

He's broken her ornamental well 
He hears her shout '' oh effing hell ''
and he can see...

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Happy.  Genial.  Merry.  Jolly
Blottoed, blasted, etched and blitzed
Mellow, foggy, hazy, squiffy
Tipsy.  Tiddly.  Brahms and Liszt

Dazed, zombied, tanked-up, trollied
Ganted, gubbed, guttered
Bladdered, blathered, leathered, plastered, 
Sozzled, sloshed, scuttered

Hammered, battered, caned, mangled
Spannered, mullered.  Half-cut, lashed
Twisted, warped, slammed, wasted
Wrecked, ruined.  Munted, trashed

Liquified,...

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'Tis said that the first Thanksgiving feast was celebrated in sixteen twenty-one.
'Twas the Pilgrims' first bountiful harvest so they decided to have some fun!
(That was the genesis of church potlucks that are popular to this very day,
And the origin of that American addiction, the all-you-can-stuff-ten-buck...

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Asifa's Blood Pens 
(The Courageous Princess)

No! No! Wipe out the name of Asifa! 
No more Asifa's on this earth to be born!
O Lord, my creator, my benefactor, my protector!
My parents chose my name in your presence
They thought their princess would be brave
That sure I was!...

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Claus chose Vixen to lead his sleigh this year.

   Rudolph was assigned to bring up the rear.

      Vixen was promoted;

         Rudy was demoted,

       ...

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I was leanin' on the fence slurpin' a mug o' joe,
Admirin' my neighbor's garden and watchin' Harry hoe.
"Harry, Harry", I asked, "What makes yer garden grow?"
"I spread oodles of fecal matter on each and ever' row!"


Clyde spent an afternoon guzzlin' Coors in his neighborhood saloon.
He...

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