Thanksgiving Dinner Gone Awry

It was my first Thanksgiving dinner as his wife so I wanted the meal to be perfect in every way But...trembling in fear, I cut my finger with a knife It was the beginning of a day in piteous disarray I didn't know a turkey would take so long to thaw and I couldn't defrost the fat bird in the microwave Agitated, I was afraid I'd have to serve it half raw so, I parboiled it a while. My predicament was grave The cranberries were cooking and started to pop Then I noticed my sore finger was bleeding once more Blood fell into the sauce pan; more than just a drop Gotta serve it anyway. No time to go back to the store My mother-in-law, Mary Ann, had a smirk on her face She looks like a wild rabbit, both have wrinkled noses I bedecked the table in my cloth of embroidered lace finger bleeding again from thorns, darn those roses! It's a Murphy's Law day for me cuz I've developed a tic Face is twitching, but the turkey's roasting in the oven People bustling in my kitchen. It's a comedy of slapstick Cousin Benny wants a taste of my cornbread stuffin' STUFFIN'? NO NO! I hadn't given the dish a thought Could I make it from potatoes? I've got piles of those I needed a drink; my frazzled nerves were distraught Then sozzled Uncle Frank started taking off his clothes We filled our plates as hubby, Jake, carved the bird I gasped when I saw a bag of something on the platter Mary Ann shrieked in laughter and shouted, "My word!!" I had no clue it was in there. I became the Mad Hatter. To the kitchen I retreated to ready the apple crumble A laxative added to Mary Ann's to give her the poops After dinner she dashed and crashed in a nasty tumble I smiled with satisfaction and simply exclaimed, "OOPS."