Best Snobby Poems
I’ve decided to have me a seat and tell you what’s on my mind.
The following words are original, they are nobody else’s but mine.
They may not be very polished, and my grammar might not be just right.
I will never be a great poet, but I sleep quite well at night.
This is not some artificial intelligence, it’s just my fingers on keys.
These rhymes are just for fun, kind of like the birds and the bees.
There is no one I seek to impress, just hoping for a smile or two.
My grass will never be greener, and my sky contains the same blue.
I might write a little about faith, or maybe my incredible wife.
You might hear a line about gas or some of the truth in my life.
Feel free to turn up your nose, you will find that I really don’t care.
I will always be true to my friends, and immune to each snobby stare.
Go ahead and copy my words, you can even pass them off as your own.
My walls are all made of glass, so it can be you to cast the first stone.
Feel free to do as you please, our admin will not even look.
The dishonest will continue to plagiarize, then brag about writing a book.
Categories:
snobby, how i feel,
Form:
Rhyme
I SHUDDER TO THINK
I shudder to think about the way
Some vegetables are abused every day -
With physical and psychological slights
In gross violation of their vegetable rights.
Handicapped vegetables have no chance to fight back
Like eyeless potatoes - poor blind mites,
And baby carrots , aaw! Or peas-in-a-pod,
Eaten before they’re even born and take a breath.
Imagine those frantic runnerbeans
Desperately trying to escape.
No surprise that peas are strained.
My over-tired mum used to say, “Oh, I’m shredded.”
So I understand how tired shredded-cabbage must feel.
What about the potatoes who diced with death and lost?
Jerusalem Artichokes - “chokes” is horrible!
Why not “Jerusalem Passes Aways” ?
And ”Squash” ! - Please speak more politely:
What a way to go - we should say “Press Lightly”.
No wonder some clean-living veg are angry :
Parsnip - an angry snip from parson or clergy;
Swede resembling a tall blond person, Stockholm based;
With horrid ethnic humour ( bad taste)
Like sauerkraut (also bad taste)
(So-called humour about a surly German).
Look at insults basd on vegetables for a human -
“The IQ of a cabbage.” What ethnicity insults !
I’m sorry for tomatoes - all this veg talk results
In them being called a vegetable dish
It’s like calling Scots people English.
Sheer vegetable racism is the worst. Mixed potato and carrot salad?
Not in apartheid South Africa – their salad had to be pallid.
Oh yes some veg are spoiled like children :
Coddled cauliflower warmed in milk ; then
Brazed egg-plants (please call snobby ones aubergines)
Suntanned slowly at their leisure;
And butter (not margarine) beans cooked with pleasure.
It’s too horrible entirely, the abuse is complete
I’ll stop being vegetarian, and start eating meat.
Categories:
snobby, funny
Form:
Couplet
Declared debris? ... O' woe is me!
I am a just a chubby club of three..
Beyond the two, ... before the four
Not the card I hoped to be
If I could choose, I'd be much more!
I’d wear a crown, and be the king
But, what the heck….the deck is stacked!
A crying shame…to have a name
that holds no pride, and sad effect
is that I hold no claim to fame!
Even twos get twice the fame!
Just plain ole’ me..
Not five, not eight, not nine, not ten,
I’m hardly worth a chip to bet
Just a three of clubs…and chubby too
A chubby club! Oh! Woe is me! …
A plain old three of clubs I am
And I get snubbed, at poker games
No one really cares for me
They toss me in among the crowd
Of royalty and joker smiles
Ace defends his rightful place
Dueces often party wild!
I shuffle in, in lower case
Get pushed around the dealer’s place
Those sevens poke their hearts and spades
Into my face! It's a disgrace!
A racist bunch! … Why must it be?
The diamonds sparkle in the light
Those snobby queens don’t flirt with me
The hearts, in fact, get all the love
Old Jack, the leader of the pack
hangs out with only rowdy spades
The odds are stacked against my name
Even when I’m old and gray
I will shuffle in, worn, bent, and frayed,
And while they play their poker game
Some day they’ll use me as a peg
Folded over several ways
To fix that wobbly table leg!
______________________________________________________
Submitted for PD's Contest : 101 Old Poems in a Row #7
Categories:
snobby, me, old,
Form:
Narrative
I'm contemplating killing my other me,
The one who fronts for the five figure manager at Ruby Tuesday for a job,
Struggling to tie loose ends, so my ends don't meet.
Strangers they are, Me and I, I and Me,
And there is a sharp turn ahead,
So I can't see our future.
Contemplating offing that sucka!
An actor, he can accurately depict whatever you want him to,
A puppet for a crowd full of the wealthy and snobby,
And I, the weak minded puppeteer of financial slavery?
Broke brotha representa?
Am real.
Seriously contemplating killing my other me,
I mean getting him good for all the eggshells he left in the batter,
There's no way I'm getting cake!
I mean the ladies would dig I,
Maybe even marry a brotha, but me?
This dude falls back and plays chill for no reason,
While the girls are just teasing, begging me please come see!
He tries to wait, and play it smart, but the game ends before he begins...
I'm contemplating killing my other me,
He has no purpose, no drive, stuck on the side of life's highway with his hazards on,
Dormant, while my friends pass by,
I have no clue where I'm going,
But I sit in the passenger seat while this fool puts nowhere in the GPS,
Stressed because I am me and he seems confident in us...
I trust the untrustworthy with my most valued possession,
Life.
So death should come to me...
And it will when i sense the urge to kill,
But for now...
I'm just contemplating killing my other me.
Categories:
snobby, funny, life, visionaryme, me,
Form:
Free verse
Tanks
"Da Tanks, da Tanks."
The President is not Chairman Mao.
Come on now!
Gads, what an ungrateful nation!
Perhaps haughty Don Lemon or
that court jester, Jim Acosta,
Two snobby nobodies behind
a mike, turning brains to mush
every night,
Could please each American
just right?
Go online tomorrow, you will
find how many presidents used
tanks and fly-overs.
The list is long, we are not
Tianimin Square!
But CNN and MSNBC, masters
of disinformation,
Make you think so!
Truth to them is totally cracked
and libelous information.
Such elitism, and political bigotry!
With utmost conceit will not cover
the DC events.
But! Will have proponents of
abortion on most happily.
Killing babies is OK, don't you see?
JFK, oh, so revered, had tanks
too!
And Fly Overs are happening,
even at football and baseball games.
And many civic events, yes!
So stop the hysteria over this
bizarre craziness.
Our country, our values are
being shredded.
Like the cheapest Wal-Mart
lettuce.
Wake the heck up!
Obama had more than enough sense
to have TWO Betsy Ross flags
behind him at BOTH of his
inaugurations.
Nobody said a word. Huh?
MSNBC, you all,just compared
the Betsy Ross flag to a
Swastika?
Oh, Lord, the total number of brains
there?
The size of a small brassica!
*Brassica~ a mustard plant
July 4, 2019
Ya..Let Freedom Ring
Categories:
snobby, america, encouraging, independence day,
Form:
Rhyme
Meet Tweedle Dum and Tweedle-Dee
Two of a kind they both lived in a tree
Way high up on the upper most branch
Not afraid of heights but why take a chance
I fail to see why they're living up there
They don't have a bed, they don't have a chair
Must be uncomfortable and hard on the bum
Hope they're not bothered by splinters, by gum
These guys are strange, they're nincompoops
They've never liked living in community groups
Independent old souls most all of their lives
Some call 'em snobby, these guys they deride
Society is made up of all different trolls
Some are hot headed with holes in their souls
Some are real happy, like those guys the best
Sure happy I got that stuff off of my chest
Meet Tweedle Dum and old Tweedle-Dee
Two of a kind they both lived in a tree
If you guys want my opinion and advice
Get the hell down here and I won't tell you twice
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
snobby, humor,
Form:
Quatrain
look away
look away
when confronted with someone old &
pick the age at which someone becomes
unworthy of the same
cultural pulse
in which you find yourself beating,
for here in america,
the old are thrown to the side &
left to fend for themselves
without an adequate safety net &
without an adequate amount of
respect---
what can be found is a vast menagerie of
airbrushed imagery
plaguing the covers of every magazine &
filling all the children avec
wide eyes focused on the
net,
with the sense that what matters is money
because money can make you beautiful &
if you are beautiful you will be loved &
if you are loved, you’ll age slowly &
if you age slowly, you will never become that
“wrinkled, ugly, useless thing”
which the idolized american culture deems
irrelevant---
how funny it is to think that for such a short time,
the bumbling chutzpah of youth
can overcome even the tiniest of flaws &
yet when the youth begins to flush down the
toilet,
the flaws are still there
glaring one in the face,
with nothing but time to make them stronger &
more pungent to the smell & feeling,
like the more powerful of snobby cheeses---
yes,
young america,
you will age & die
just like the rest of us &
old america,
you are going to get there quicker,
whether you like it or not---
seems that beginning to look all ages in the eye &
remembering just how irrelevant we all are,
how much evolution has no need for the lot of us &
how quickly our lives will all cease,
might bring a bit more kindness into the world &
start a reevaluation of what priorities need to be in our
heads.
Categories:
snobby, life, beautiful, age, old,
Form:
Free verse
Our prez is now Donald J Trump
Who has promised to clean out the sump
Well he's certainly no wussy
When groping a pussy
What more to expect from a gump?
In charge of the Vice, Michael Pence
Said some things that embrace little sense,
"Global warming's a myth"
But's now taking the fifth
In attempting to straddle the fence
We all recall general Flynn
Put in charge of security spin
A trained atomiser
No more Trump's advisor -
His deal with the devil's his sin
The billionaire Betsy Devos
Making plans for a school albatross
Hating free education
Backs private castration
And kids will be bearing her Cross.
The Congress approved Jeff B. Sessions
Ignoring his racist obsessions
He seemingly cares
More for foreign affairs
While forgiving Klan's toxic transgressions.
Chief strategist Stephen K. Bannon
Develops the Great Again Canon:
The Goldman Sachs Bankster
Turned yellow rag gangster
Flings crap from the New Order cannon
Says EPA ruler Scott Pruitt
"Instead of dry facts, we intuit..."
(His work as denier
Keeps profits much higher)
"... If everything dies, well, just screw it"
The war whoops of Mad Doggy Mattis
Awaken the death apparatus
With boundless expense
For a doomsday defence -
Armageddon administered gratis
The magnates no longer need lobby
Or fight regulations thought snobby -
Now set in the saddle
They're herding the cattle
And pulling the strings as a hobby
Now the Don can start wielding the axes
Truncating the tariffs and taxes
The Mafia boss
Is dismissing the dross
And poverty's pain as it waxes
Categories:
snobby, humorous, political,
Form:
Limerick
The barnyard was a twitter.
“She is walking pigeon-toed!”
“You should see it.”
“She thinks she is all that!”
I am dragged out to see.
After listening to them cackle like only hens can do.
There are sixty-six hundred chickens out here
Clucking around.
They are all walking around pigeon-toed.
Haughty with their snobby beaks in the air.
I catch the rooster’s eye.
“They all have fat butts too!” I say.
Expecting him to beak-laugh with me.
He gives them my message in beak-talk.
They surround me quickly
Pecking me to death
As per
instructions
and as per
chickens’ way
I decide never to
do that again.
As I fall into their
smelly chicken scratches.
Categories:
snobby, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Ballad
Tennis players once wore white –
A snobby rule, I think –
But how that’s changed! I guess that’s why
Here’s Federer in pink.
In truth, the pink is just a trim
To jazz his shirt and shorts.
His sneakers, though, might be a slight
Distraction on the courts.
I’m all for chic diversity
When tennis is in town,
But Roger, here is my advice –
Tell Nike – tone it down!
Categories:
snobby, fashion, sports,
Form:
Rhyme
yo dawg yo
yo
yo
yo dawg yo
f*ck a fat b*tch who dont wanna see a playa fro' wut he be
yo
yo f*ck a ugly b*tch who dont wanna meet a gangsta haffway
yo yo
f*ck a snobby **** who not tryna see me in my clown suit
yo
met this chick
at the club
bought a bottle
fulla bub
drank it up
she said wuddup
das all it is
Categories:
snobby, bird,
Form:
Sonnet
There goes the Mona Lisa and Picasso's girlfriends
scribbling down the highway of surrealism,
as the Scream is breaking glass with a high-pitched cry in Oslo;
and the melting clocks of Dali's masterpiece stops time for a moment,
as the paintings fall in love.
As color spectrums mix together to create nothing but a mess,
that we all in some way call art,
the Mona Lisa sits and gives one of her snobby smiles.
Picasso lights another cigarette and invites another French girl to his apartment,
paint flies everywhere, as articles of clothing start to strip off,
and the screamer is still screaming, for what?- I have no clue.
All I know is, art is in love.
What a minute- who invited the Thinker?!
All he does is sit there and think all day!
My head would ache if I thought hard and long like a marble statue all day long.
Get out of here Thinker, and take the Scream with you,
he's making me deaf!
There you are art in love, nothing but dead guys, painting naked girls,
who give an innocent smile,
but so a little more than their teeth,
and those Dali clocks that melt slowly in an ideal painting,
you can almost hear time ticking backwards.
Art is beautiful,
Art is life.
.2.4.2014.
Categories:
snobby, art, beautiful, dedication, funny,
Form:
Free verse
You’re a devil in disguise
Yeah, your cruelty I despise
That fur coat is just your guise
I can see it in your eyes
With a snobby little hiss
You will snub away my kiss
Like a shadowy abyss
You will steal away my bliss
I can feel your icy glare
In the shadows as you stare
Reach to pet you, I don’t dare
For your patience is so rare
But tomorrow’s a new day
Maybe it’ll be okay
My bad luck will go astray
And together we will play
Categories:
snobby, animals, devotion, friendship, funny,
Form:
Personification
I decided to go out and try a new hobby
I said "screw my friends who are snobby"
Though it was very likely I would fall
I thought “why not, it will be a ball”
The first day of yoga the girls all stared
I thought for a moment, I must have erred
But I did my best to bend into those poses
I watched everyone put their butts thru their noses
I was eyeing a honey on the mat next to me
She was the cutest thing I ever did see
She smiled at me and I quickly blushed
She had me all flustered and utterly flushed
She giggled and grinned-she wanted me!
I was sure to get lucky today-yippee!
My new hobby had me feeling fearless and smart
Then during downward dog…out blasted a fart!
Categories:
snobby, funny, me, me, ,
Form:
Rhyme
Last Halloween was scary
with evil brewing strong
when Peggy planned a party
and things went off all wrong
In tatty robe, her hair awry
she slaved all day with care
her neighborhood to satisfy
with an elegant affair
Fine treats she baked and broiled
and decorated in detail
until her appetite was spoiled
and strength had almost failed
The house she'd scrubbed and polished
to a frighteningly bright sheen
every speck of dust demolished
she worked like a machine!
But, oh- the guests arrived too early
before she was quite dressed
and between her looks, and manner surly
were somewhat less than impressed
And to make things even worse
they quipped in her living room
their clever lines, so well-rehearsed
“Oh Peg, we LOVE your costume!”
They waited half a second, while
still within earshot
and sniped with vicious smiles
about all her house was not
How her home was far too small
to host this gathering
with depressing rooms and narrow hall
too shabby for anything!
The kids came in rolled their eyes
at tacky Halloween kitsch
and consoled themselves by cracking-wise
about it all with Mitch
Now Mitch was Peggy's husband
and should've known her mind
but he said things offhand
that came off as unkind
Then Nan came in with Merrilee
a chef of snobby taste
who (nose turned up), quite warily
declared the food “a waste”
Then as the midnight beckoned
Peg raged against the room
(a “woman scorned”, I reckon...)
the party met their doom!
___
A Halloween poem to make up for my deceptively titled 'The Living Dead' poem... which has nothing to do with the holiday!
Categories:
snobby, funny, halloween, holiday, humor,
Form:
Rhyme