I Shudder To Think

I SHUDDER TO THINK I shudder to think about the way Some vegetables are abused every day - With physical and psychological slights In gross violation of their vegetable rights. Handicapped vegetables have no chance to fight back Like eyeless potatoes - poor blind mites, And baby carrots , aaw! Or peas-in-a-pod, Eaten before they’re even born and take a breath. Imagine those frantic runnerbeans Desperately trying to escape. No surprise that peas are strained. My over-tired mum used to say, “Oh, I’m shredded.” So I understand how tired shredded-cabbage must feel. What about the potatoes who diced with death and lost? Jerusalem Artichokes - “chokes” is horrible! Why not “Jerusalem Passes Aways” ? And ”Squash” ! - Please speak more politely: What a way to go - we should say “Press Lightly”. No wonder some clean-living veg are angry : Parsnip - an angry snip from parson or clergy; Swede resembling a tall blond person, Stockholm based; With horrid ethnic humour ( bad taste) Like sauerkraut (also bad taste) (So-called humour about a surly German). Look at insults basd on vegetables for a human - “The IQ of a cabbage.” What ethnicity insults ! I’m sorry for tomatoes - all this veg talk results In them being called a vegetable dish It’s like calling Scots people English. Sheer vegetable racism is the worst. Mixed potato and carrot salad? Not in apartheid South Africa – their salad had to be pallid. Oh yes some veg are spoiled like children : Coddled cauliflower warmed in milk ; then Brazed egg-plants (please call snobby ones aubergines) Suntanned slowly at their leisure; And butter (not margarine) beans cooked with pleasure. It’s too horrible entirely, the abuse is complete I’ll stop being vegetarian, and start eating meat.