Best Snide Poems
Now Bobby, don't try to look coy.
You mischievous naughty young boy!
You've guzzled my sweets
From 'tricking or treats'
I've seen through your devious ploy.
Oh Bobby, say have you no pride?
You've acted so sneaky and snide.
Your ankle-length socks,
You sneaky young fox
Are stuffed with marshmallows inside!
Don't flutter those big bambi eyes
Or fabricate more porky pies.
You're caught in a fix
Hand over my Twix
I'm bigger than you, so be wise!
20.10.19
If I Were Your Brother Poetry Contest : sponsored by Bobby May
Categories:
snide, brother, candy,
Form:
Limerick
Poets, you've been expressing your opinions on politics
Some were very nasty, like oil and water, they don't mix
Some 'discussions' have gotten rude and very hostile
It's truthful facts vs. fictional lies, all spewed with bile
Can everyone stop bickering and put your theories aside
Believe what you will, but stop being sarcastic and snide
It doesn't make a difference what any of us choose to think
The world is out of order right now, completely out of sync
I'm annoyed by being told, "covid is just a hoax." It's real!
Go ask the families of those who have died, how they feel
Don't send me to videos with what you consider is proof
I'm capable of reaching my own conclusions. I'm not aloof
America isn't gone. We're much more resilient than that
Our Constitution wasn't written as words of silly chitchat
We've not been destroyed by acts of deplorable lunacy
We've no need of a funeral, so don't prepare a eulogy
Poems and blogs that cause tension, worries and woe
will not lead us to write better poetry, so just let it go
Please stop using your pen like a weapon; a baseball bat
to grand slam insults. Poets, we should not be in combat
Categories:
snide, poets,
Form:
Rhyme
Dahlias and daffodils dazzle as ice darts from the cold.
Dram is kaleidoscopic as moods and thoughts collide.
A rosy sun casts hues on the sky, mixing azure and gold.
Scarlet engulfs the star as a veil that swirl and hide.
The moon, garbed in a golden gown, glides in a gray sky.
Mars and Venus soar and gems and rubies adorn high.
Behind the flashing lights of a dragonfly, clouds sway.
Dawn paints skies with crimson, fuchsia, and blue.
The sun rises as aqueous gold, kindling its vivid hue.
When a fresh day dawns in the pearl flakes of dew.
A hazy horizon wanes in an abyss of gloom to unfold.
Velvet cobwebs contrast, glimmer in a silver snide.
Enhance the appeal of a green park where kids play.
On a buoyant beach where the breeze barely blew.
Written: March 09, 2023
1st place contest winner
Writing Challenge - 'K' Words - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Constance La France
This poem form is the Fragmented Rhyme invented and Conceived by Constance La France. It has 14 lines with indentation, and a rhyme scheme, as follows: ABABCCCDDDABCD
Categories:
snide, analogy, appreciation, color, nature,
Form:
Rhyme
I’ll never forget what’s her name
A PE teacher and ogre she became
For I was such a sickly child
it really made this ogre wild
Held in my hand a medical certificate
exempted from all things physical
with Rheumatic Fever and St Vitus’ Dance
for me to take part ~ there was no chance
Instead I assisted the Deputy Head
with clerical duties I helped him instead
But clearly this really annoyed her
As she gave me her evil stare
She appeared to be looking right through me
No words were spoken ~ was I even there
Each and every year she wrote
inside my school report
A snide remark that ended with
“as usual she did not take part”
For I was told such illnesses
Could leave me with a weakened heart
And so upon Doctor’s orders
in PE I was not to take part
I can still see her face
As she filled me with fear
No compassionate words
from her lips I could hear
Whilst illnesses kept me off school for a year
It’s time I let go of this nasty so and so
For she left planet Earth a long time ago
And my heart ~ it still beats
I’m so glad to be here
With a smile on my face
I have no one to fear
*This was sadly a true story which whilst writing this poem, brought back some of the feelings, which by her actions she made me feel – she made me feel weak and insignificant because I could not partake in any physical education classes, but I did become a very competent secretary in adulthood, so all that clerical work for the Deputy Head was clearly beneficial…some teachers have a lot to answer for...
21st September 2019
9th place ~ Premier Contest
Contest Name: I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT'S HIS NAME (OR HER NAME)
Sponsor: John Lawless
Contest Name STRAND CHOICE 7,
Sponsor Brian Strand
3rd Place
Categories:
snide, bullying, child, health,
Form:
Rhyme
He'd had a bad day, he was snapping and snarling.
His behavior, it was anything but darling.
But I couldn't shut up, be compassionate and care.
Oh, hell no, not me. I had to poke the bear.
His eyes were red coals. He sputtered and shrieked.
Sure I'd just made it worse and now he had freaked.
sigh.....
Off to the store for ice cream for his highness
and to keep my rabid tongue from some of it's wryness.
In the line before me someone was hunting for money.
My ice cream was melting, my disposition, not sunny.
Instead of patience and a rational aire,
oh no, not me, I had to poke that bear.
"Hey Lady !, we're waiting, you could let us go through"
She threw down her coins and started counting anew.
sigh...
With running ice cream, home I now went,
where old grumpy-pants temper tantrum seemed spent.
I scooped out his ice-cream, delivered it to his side.
He glanced at it , then me, and made a comment quite snide.
I could have said "sorry, it melted somewhat"
but oh no, not me, I had a different thought.
I couldn't be contrite, compassionate and fair.
That just isn't me. I had to poke that bear.
After some comments about ice cream and his weight
I bit my tongue but I bit it too late.
sigh...
So heed my advice and just be aware
when things are going bad, just don't poke the bear
Categories:
snide, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
An apple every day, he said to me.
Berries too, for your recovery.
Can I have just one small slice of pie?
Doctor nearly glared into my eye!
Even nuts and cheese you must not eat.
For Heaven's Sake, Doctor, I need a treat!
Good food should not be processed, white or fried.
How about some egg whites on the side?
(I was being snide because it's no
Joke that yolk is always good to go!)
Knowing I should lay off yummy things
Like burgers, chocolate, and pizza brings
Me such great angst! Everybody knows
No vegetables compare to fried potatoes!
On Thanksgiving, I will do some cheating.
Popcorn (hot-air popped) I will be eating!
Sept. 10, 2016 For the Alphabet Soup PoetryContest of Kim Merryman
Categories:
snide, cancer, food,
Form:
Rhyme
Dearest Santa, my one wish may seem strange
but please do not interpret me as snide.
I wish this kindness so please do arrange
my Christmas gift of a mail order bride.
Surely she would lighten my hard work load,
help with the children and spousal demands.
She can be pretty or favor a toad
as long as it’s English she understands.
I fail domestic perfection with house,
Mom affection with little ones each day
and attending His Lordship, my own spouse,
because my to-do list stays in the way.
Again, this may seem most unorthodox
but this is me thinking outside the box.
I know that you must judge, weigh and ponder
if I was a well-behaved girl this year:
I tried leaving home for the far yonder -
my car died before even driveway clear;
I lace my morning coffee with brandy;
hide my husband’s tickets to pro baseball;
stuff chips under chairs when comes Priest Andy;
I oft ignore my children when they call;
sometimes I name dust bunnies on our floor;
sarcasm is my first go to coping tool;
I cheat at cards when adding up my score;
and June just past, I peed in a pal's pool.
I work hard without reward all day long,
so sometimes, yeah, I get this life all wrong.
I wish to remember why I am here;
recall romantic love that started all.
I could succeed if I had a wife-peer
helping with spousal gall and toddler brawls.
I want more than bathtubs layered with dirt
and stinking trash bordering on a spill.
Let someone else produce an ironed shirt
and seek deep sleep as an ambitious thrill.
I want memories of kids where I smile
and husband conversations standing still.
I seek family love to feel worthwhile
lest I seek happy docs with happy pills.
One or both of us can wed my wished bride,
just, please, Santa, in my favor decide.
... CayCay
Written: December 28, 2017
Contest - I Want Christmas Poems
Categories:
snide, christmas, funny, proposal, romantic
Form:
Sonnet
My step dad, Eldon, long since passed away,
was known for some expressions he would say.
like when he was in traffic and in back
of some bad drivers. Then he’d call them “ Jack.”
Sarcastically, to make us laugh, he’d spout:
“I don’t have all day, Jack; just back it out!”
Of course, those “Jacks” would never hear him say
those snide remarks. We girls laughed anyway.
Those few rare times my sisters and I got
together with our husbands, we could not
refrain from talking in our stepdad's way.
One spouse can mimic well things Dad would say.
My youngest sister has a husband, Kyle,
and his impersonations make us smile.
His “Eldon” style and tone are really keen,
especially when he says real slow. . . “Nowwww, Jean.”
“Now, Jean” was Eldon’s catch-phrase for our mom
when trying to console her. It caught on!
When I’m a bit upset, my husband might
say to me “Now Jean” to keep it light.
It’s pretty cool to think when you’ve passed on,
your funny phrases aren’t completely gone.
I hope my dad is looking down to see
amusing words stayed in our memory!
Categories:
snide, dad, father,
Form:
Rhyme
Now let me be the first to hasten to say,
And all your smirks and snide remarks allay,
That I've never darkened the door of a cabaret,
Where exquisite damsels are on display!
But (I'm told) they don't wear fancy tutus like in a ballet.
Heavens no! They're scantily clad (I'm told) and they sway!
And of their practiced gyrations (I'm told) there's quite an array!
Their hugging that pole (I'm told) will certainly spin your toupee!
They must be on guard (I'm told) to keep lecherous geezers at bay!
A few bucks slipped in their cleavage (I'm told) is their meager pay!
Shucks! This has piqued my interest - I must check it out some day!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 3 in Miranda Lambert's "Burlesque Boutique" Contest - April 2011
Categories:
snide, funny
Form:
Monorhyme
Stop pulling your mischievous high jinks - currently, the wind of change stinks
Winds of change are not always good - they can be grossly misunderstood
Winds of change are just blowing smoke - spouted by a deluded bloke
Don’t believe a word from Blog bullies and blowhards - they won't change their ways
PS encourages creativity – poets CAN post ten per day
I got fed up of snide little digs about people who write poop poems
I am not stuck for turds - I'm saving my witty words for my next book
Categories:
snide, anti bullying, how i
Form:
Monoku
We sisters three are scary as scary can be.
Evil is tormented, haunted by choices of her past.
Wicked is hollow, and the most bitter of the three.
Demented is angry, and so cold that her blood turns icy fast.
All paranoid and suspicious in everything they do.
Evil has had her dreams snatched from her grasp.
She feels alone, and her ghosts are from her missing crew.
Her pain is enough to make even the strongest gasp.
Each one is afraid to let anyone breach their wall.
Wicked is a lover who has been badly used.
She never thought she'd love, but eventually she did fall.
Only to be lied to, cheated on and abused.
They only have each other to trust and rely on.
Demented has been the victim of ominous play.
She was captured and used like a chess pawn.
Now all will pay the price and rue that fateful day.
So as you see Evil, Wicked and Demented are strong.
If you see them coming, you might should run and hide.
They will forever be trying to right the wrong.
Be careful if you are a user, a liar, hateful or snide.
Categories:
snide, family, sisterevil,
Form:
Quatrain
GIRL YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS ONE IS FOR MY ONE AND ONLY FAN
she
the she who slumbers among the numbers of content souls who abide not anger nor snide remarks
she
the she who sets the flames of verbiage to sparks
she
the she who sees my smiles though she sees me not
she
the she who follows a righteous and pious path and plot
she
she who grants me the grace of platitudes
with never any negative attitudes
she
the she whom i envision giggling and wiggling her way through this planet we call Earth
...............she
the she i deem a delight and have the the right for what's that's worth
(c) 2011......Phreepoetry ~free cee!~
Categories:
snide, friendship, me, planet,
Form:
Grook
A Parody for Soupers based on the song, 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'
You better not shout
You better not sigh
You better not pout
I'm telling you why...
PS Admin is makin' the rounds
They are bound
to be making a list
and checkin' it twice
They're keepin' tabs on who's naughty and nice
They'll know when you cause trouble
Someone will pimp you out
They'll take action on the double (not)
Asking, "What is this all about?"
You better not bully
Or use a curse word
Cuz in Poetry Soup
You'll be labeled a turd
You better not be a troll
Cuz it's a crime
Harassment takes a toll
Even if it's done in rhyme
PS Admin wants poets to have a goal
To be nice to each other without blocking
If you do you may find a lump of coal
In the toe of your Christmas stocking
You better not fire your gun
Then your comment gets deleted
That's called a 'hit and run'
An offense that shouldn't be repeated
PS Admin always reads what you're typing
Sent from your IP address
So, you better stop all your griping
Or your account they will repossess
You better not be cruel and mean
Or you'll find yourself in a deep abyss
Kicked out for being a drama king or queen
Having PS Admin's butt to kiss
Every story has two sides
Sometimes they believe the wrong one
The one where the snide villain hides
After their dirty work has been done
They frown on those who harp on negativity
Team Poetry Soup finds it rather banal
For which some among us have a proclivity
In other words, to make it clear, Don't be a.n.a.l
You better not write of hate
It's best not to be accused
So if some of you can relate
It's better known as being abused
If guilty, you'll get nuttin' for Christmas
But if you insist on being bad
There'll be no POTD for you on Christmas
If you make PS Administrators mad
You don't have to worry about Santa Claus
Just don't make Team Poetry Soup frown
Or you'll get kicked out for breaking their laws
Cuz they have the power to shut you down
Categories:
snide, holiday, parody,
Form:
Rhyme
Written with admiration for Tom Cunningham ~ a gentle poet
maligned by one who really casts an aura of darkness
My smile is genuine and reaches to my eyes.
I do not wear a mask, nor a cloak of disguise
and I post poetry in my given Christian name.
From the hand of one it was written in a claim
that I cast shadows of dark energy around me.
Should I assume that I'm thought of as beastly?
Someone thinks that my spirit has gone awry.
I have to shake my head in disbelief as I decry,
"If you liken me to a sinister, malevolent being
I would ask what movies have you been seeing?"
Call me rude names if that makes you feel witty,
but each shines a gleaming light on your lubricity.
I'm not insulted by the sticks and stones thrown,
nor do I write anything that I would ever bemoan.
I will champion myself, my friends and my nation,
never seeking battle, nor in fear of confrontation.
I am not a troll, a gang member, or wolf in a pack,
so don't falsely accuse me. I won't take your flack.
There is no darkness surrounding my aura, I'm sure.
It may be that your malicious thoughts are impure.
You struggle with defining what's right from wrong.
Is there anyone with whom you can get along?
Friendships are important and you would be wise
to recall that poets should be a coalition of allies.
You're entitled to your opinions, and I am to mine,
but if they are different, don't moo like a bovine.
"Spiteful words," you said, my friends and I write.
Well, in this case I'll say you're absolutely right.
I've been told that rebuttals are a waste of my ink
but not a drop is wasted if it makes people think.
Think of the insult to a poet belittled by another.
One who treats everyone as a sister and brother.
Tom wrote of the bloodbath Putin draws in Ukraine
then selfish comments were made that left a stain
on his words that were written to ring out in truth.
Don't sling mud on other poet's by throwing a stone.
Give voice to your beliefs. Write one of your own.
And now, you're thinking, "You just slung mud."
Yes, I did, in hopes that it will land with a thud.
I don't relish penning negative lines of contention,
but sometimes things are in need of attention.
I'd rather write about Santa and Christmas cheer,
than calling out snide people who taunt and jeer.
Categories:
snide, how i feel, perspective,
Form:
Rhyme
Is it cause youre small minded Mr jones asks the many voices who once had
repect counting the crows pecking the and gouging out their eyes?
Is it cause you loathe what you dont understand and this revelation is something
they need to see in themselves?
Is it the fact you carry a heavy load and need a helping hand
was it the opium you down like poison that you Jones for
leaving you to ask who i am?
Whats the will I am saying?
as he steals my spotlight
leaving me here assassinated verbally like a sitting duck
sure im no hippy sniffing daisies
pounding on drums in peace beads begging for sex
with a picket sign saying peace please
Is it because im gay?
Is it because im spiritual?
do we have ***** envy?
Have you read the lists?
are you going to pay the tithe?
and before you mash the send button with snide cruel bitter comments
please please
don't think twice
the murder of crows circling
cawing in the blood moon sky
November rains down on this wedding day
and I am forever by your side
why does my will
the will i am hate me?
is it a syndrom of an itchy trigger finger
an itch below the waste
why must everyone pull eachother down
back into the boiling pot
like the crabs we truly are in this amazing race
to lose it all
then fall
and sing and
sway and praise
and humm such blasphemous amazing grace
of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes
oh sweet sugar coatings
and icing on the cake
The will iam
I wonder counting crows
a famous last name with me
Mr jones
why do you hate the will I am
Is it because i read tarot cards?
is it because i'm gay?
is it because i'm amongst favorites?
is it because im controversial?
is it because you have nothing to say?
but who am i flamethrower
i sit here a hack
with a curse gor the harpie you are
and a smile upon my face
i throw this effortless nothing
and never look back
the stone falls into the pool of the abyss
oh will i am
mr jones
why do you loathe what you dont understand?
Categories:
snide, confusion, hope, introspection, people,
Form:
Free verse