Best Sarcastically Poems
From childhood it was a world of two...you and I...
I leaned lightly, leisurely against your heart and you let me in.
We were five I use to draw you rose scented flowers
using an ordinary led pencil. Youth! The world was ours.
Seven! I know that was the first time I saw you blush.
I whispered a song for you so no one else would hear.
Oh when we were nine! The potato sack race. I entered with Lisa.
You gave me that look. Oh that look! And you left without a word.
At eleven years old I had my "magic wink". "A Magic Wink" you'd
say sarcastically. How it made you giggle to make fun of it.
It was at thirteen we decided to burn the gym floor with our moves.
Our first dance. You stole my breath. Emptied the room of oxygen.
Fifteen...we started running and my God we ran and ran...
our shoe prints dug into the concrete. It was then I knew. Forever.
Then suddenly at seventeen in the slip of time you left, dissapeared.
Stunned! I slept through the next two years even in the full light of day.
At nineteen I swam an endless pool but even the chlorine couldn't
clear your scent from my memory as my spirit filled out hard as steel.
Was it on my twenty first birthday you showed up? You showed up
tried to hug me hello. Silent! Cold! I turned and walked away.
Was I still twenty one when I apologized for that day. When you asked
for an explanation. I recited false words but we both knew. Hurt for hurt.
Then at twenty five we still had issues to work out. I asked you bluntly
why you cut me loose in the prime of our youth. You my first and only.
I asked the question that burned in my gut. Without words your eyes spoke.
You were still in love with me. There was only me. I your first and only.
Finally our lips met to never part again. Left to wonder why, I accept our
lives without an answer. My love was that. Why would I have let you go?
Older than old now. One last time you leave. Death makes this choice.
Alone again I remember how I never knew why once you left.
Not everything is explained or understood,
like music by a one arm man playing a violin.
I sport my blank stare. Naked is the body of life.
Mystery sings blind the song of the lark!
and I...
i think of you.
March 29 2015
Armand
Categories:
sarcastically, best friend, cute love,
Form:
Prose Poetry
Am I dreaming
or have I dreamt myself awake
I can’t seem to discern
between real and fake
What’s right
What’s wrong
which direction
should I take
Am I reasonably responsible
for the many mistakes I might make
Backward bouncy walking
Crazy ticketed talking
Following the run
in a pretty girls stocking
Unafraid of anything
Willing to do what’s shocking
Sarcastically mocking
Listening to head voices
My brain has lost it’s sane
my body’s rocking
My mind skipping
from Idea to Idea
You weren’t there a second ago go
but now I see you
Wait a second
I can see right through you
Black isn’t white
Yellow is now blue
Bending over
To take a boulder
out of my shoe
They were old yesterday
and now they’re new
But instead of one pair
I’m wearing out two
The room is shaking
Momma’s in the kitchen
Half baked
Pieces of everything
Tender flaked
The tiles under my feet
vibrate to the beat
Hey momma
“Trick or Treat?
Give me something good to eat”
Suddenly I’m covered by a sheet
on a cold stainless table
being processed like meat
sliding on a rail
Door closed
Fire burning
someone turning up the heat
Bell ringing, ringing, ringing
WAKE UP, Wake up Rick
If only I could
That would be a cool trick!
I feel like I’m being beat with a stick
Shake, shake, shake
“wake up Rick its Eight,
you’re going to be late.”
Get out of bed you fool.
It’s time for school.”
Eyes open, “I‘m up, I’m up!”
But wait
You can’t hear me talk
Because I’m an unwound
broken old clock
no longer able to tick or tock
I only have hands
so I can’t even walk.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Things that make me go hmm. The second hand of clock or watch is actually the third hand. ;0)
Categories:
sarcastically, allusion, anxiety, child, imagery,
Form:
Free verse
My step dad, Eldon, long since passed away,
was known for some expressions he would say.
like when he was in traffic and in back
of some bad drivers. Then he’d call them “ Jack.”
Sarcastically, to make us laugh, he’d spout:
“I don’t have all day, Jack; just back it out!”
Of course, those “Jacks” would never hear him say
those snide remarks. We girls laughed anyway.
Those few rare times my sisters and I got
together with our husbands, we could not
refrain from talking in our stepdad's way.
One spouse can mimic well things Dad would say.
My youngest sister has a husband, Kyle,
and his impersonations make us smile.
His “Eldon” style and tone are really keen,
especially when he says real slow. . . “Nowwww, Jean.”
“Now, Jean” was Eldon’s catch-phrase for our mom
when trying to console her. It caught on!
When I’m a bit upset, my husband might
say to me “Now Jean” to keep it light.
It’s pretty cool to think when you’ve passed on,
your funny phrases aren’t completely gone.
I hope my dad is looking down to see
amusing words stayed in our memory!
Categories:
sarcastically, dad, father,
Form:
Rhyme
Garfield, a loveable famous, lazy cat,
Who likes to eat and eat, that’s why he’s fat,
Jon his companion, Garfield’s friend or foe dude,
On call twenty four seven, to give Garfield food!
The world knows their love hate relationship
And of course Garfield's innermost thoughts,
Each an amusing quip!
He is the cleverest, wittiest cat, he’s a star,
His charm, and fertile mind reaches afar,
He loves to eat, sleep and then to repeat,
His sarcasm no other cat could ever beat.
Garfield regards Jon as his permanent box changer,
Perhaps Jon should give Garfield a thought pager!
Garfield, shouts Jon, why do you everything scratch,
Don’t shout, you silly human, give me a scratch patch!
John emphasises, Garfield you’re lucky, you have
A teddy, a dog called Odie and a loving companion, me
What else could you want, a bowl of lasagne says he!
A mouse runs by, Jon says Garfield catch it, but
Garfield doesn’t like hurting mice,
And so says Garfield’s thought quip,
Will I ever get that through your thick skull,
Or do I always have to give you an earful!
Garfield teases big angry looking dogs, makes
Faces at them, and when they chase him,
Runs to Jon who picks him up and then Garfield takes
Advantage as he sticks his tongue out,
So the dogs attack them both, Jon
Scolds Garfield who looks at Jon, with a pout!
Garfield cartons were recognised and awarded
Top honours and were rewarded
With accolades, in the Guinness Book of Records
Congratulations to the author the late Jim Davis,
Who made billions and achieved worldwide status,
And who created these wonderful characters,
Manipulative and coffee dependant Garfield,
Not forgetting Odie and Jon,
All of who brought us laughs by the ton!
Garfield was an era, a striped, intelligent thinking cat,
Who refused to ever hurt a mouse, that’s a fact,
But who could eat lasagne every day of his life
As his greed for this meal was truly rife!
I could carry on forever, but will end with what
I think is a laugh,
Jon asks Garfield why he has got such a lot of
Junk in his bed,
Oh this, Garfield grins, it’s a whack bonk, with which
I am about to hit your head,
Our furry friend sarcastically said,
Rather, thought in the quip,
It’s a wonder that Jon didn’t chase him with the
Scissors, and go snip, snip!
Categories:
sarcastically, cat,
Form:
Rhyme
if my life was upside down
i'd bump my head against the ground
i'd trip over ceiling fans
and i'd shake feet insted of hands
i wouldnt keep any pocket change
but i would keep a blood rushed brain
every smile would be a frown
living life upside down
life upside down would be a mess
confusing your right from my left
people would say bottoms up
but if i did i would spill my cup
it sure would be funny when friends came around
they wouldn't ask whats up?
they would sarcastically ask whats down
for those of you.....who wake up in bed
in the morning when i wake,.... i wake down insted
people always tell me to keep my head up high
i look at them with resentment and walk away and sigh
pictures never seem to stay when i hang them on the wall
being upside down they always seem to fall
i always have a hard time writing what i say
and when i use my pen the ink flows the other way
its funny how people complain about how life keeps them down
but they haven't experienced living life upside down
Categories:
sarcastically, funnylife, funny, life,
Form:
Rhyme
Boo, hiss, spare me the phony sentimentality
Like you really think anyone gives a damn,
And, while you’re at it I say, sarcastically,
Get your side-glancing, eye-rolling response
Nothing so disgusts me as false gooeyness
That syrupy froth that freezes on demand,
Accompanied by raw, unbridled saccharinity
Just one touch of your pure, unavoidable grace.
Written May 22, 2022
For “Sentimentality” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Julia Ward
Categories:
sarcastically, feelings,
Form:
Free verse
Sixty seconds, one minute is all it would take
for others to fulfill a small request that I made.
"I would do anything for you Bill, I would even die."
Well that turned out to be a pack of lies.
I needed a simple favor, so I gave everyone a holler,
but the majority I reached didn't even bother,
so today I hit the streets asking strangers for this same favor
and I'll bet the farm the response received will be so much greater.
Thank you everybody,
you've restored my faith in humanity,
and just so we're clear, I'm saying that sarcastically.
*
If this poem seems cryptic and you want some answers, check out my current blog:
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_blogs/blog_detail.aspx?BlogID=29615&PoetID=16853
Categories:
sarcastically, anger, angst, cancer, caregiving,
Form:
Rhyme
this will be good and slippery
in a whistling fall from grace
feel free to edit in a picture of your choice
the more grotesque the more accurate
while glancing at your wrist watch
over and over when you knew
your 30 seconds was up centuries ago
we agree to be controlled
he said speaking in archetypes
here then is my plan for world conquest
say Bob that was some intro
right you are Nick
and just what the tired evacuated
non combatants at home needed
you know Bob our audience should be issued guns
right you are Bill the results would be immediate
h-h-h-howdy there f-f-fans
g-g-glad to see you all p-p-packin
ha ha ha ha ha good one Bill
who does your thinking for you by the way
OK you've been briefed
if I wrote as few words as possible
the page would be blank
and useless as a postmodern hit man
speculating on the utility of spectacles
driven by a fear of the ordinary
in an ideological trance
at this point it could go either way
even reality is an approximation of reality
but there is no question of stopping
onward he plunged sarcastically
into a semiotic twilight of the gods
everything red shifted in a bar stool curse
too many crevasses on this ice berg
blinded by white phosphorous
receptors wide open overt and undeniable
incorrect labeling why is it a necessity
would you know your number
if your number was up
he stood before his firing squad
snickering and giggling and rolling his eyes
got a last cigarette
I have to smoke I'm a witch
the squad broke up with laughter
pissed their pants
and shot the lieutenant
if I'm in this much trouble now
God help me tomorrow
From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon
Artist Portfolio: http://walteralter.byethost32.com/
Categories:
sarcastically, how i feel,
Form:
Free verse
Silly sister Sally Sue
Said she saw a smiley seal
Said it stole her sugary sap
Said I to she sarcastically
Certainly; sure a seal stole your sugary sap
Silly sister Sally Sue
Said she to me sardonically
It did it did
Didn't it Dean?
Diggy Dean of the Deep Deadlands
Did disagree with me too
Greatly grinning to Sally Sue
Stomping, shouting, sputtering spray
I sold my sister to Simeon Sack on street sixty-seven
Who needed a nasty nonexistent no named nafty nutter
To serve him soup, soda and shrimp
No such thing as a smiley seal
Stealing Sally Sue's sugary sap
Until Truthful Trina Tuggletooth told Tommy Teek it t'was
Categories:
sarcastically, silly, sister,
Form:
Alliteration
She said she prefers humor
In a man. I am no Shakespeare
But I know how to conjugate
With knack and with wit, even
The occasional split infinitive:
To gamely gabble as she giggles.
Where is the fun in that? Better
To impress her with some slapstick
Skit, or razor sharp sarcastically
Spoken iambic limerick about
How good her big "bits" are, yes
My own form of comical flattery!
She is craving for it, the absence of
My despair (also known as tragedy).
Categories:
sarcastically, humorous,
Form:
Sonnet
Me doing the Wall Street
Different currencies I buy and I sell;
During one evening or morning
Without any crying and moaning...
I loose/win some money;
Sarcastically laughing or breaking in smiles…
Because I was stupid or smart - You decide.
Categories:
sarcastically, satire, wisdom, work,
Form:
Concrete
There Is Nothing in Your Dreams
One day I asked Dreams
O’ Dreams "Why don't you come to me?"
He said, how can I come to you
There is nothing in your Heart
To call me in your Dreams. 01
Sarcastically he said:-
“I searched a lot everywhere
In every nook and corner of your heart
But I could not find even a single emotion
That I could have loved you.” 02
“I couldn’t see even any single face
On whom to spend
All the treasures of my life
And would have decorated your world
With the beauty of colorful dreams.” 03
“But there was not even a single
Ray of hope, anywhere in your heart
Neither I could find any Saaki*
To offer a cup of drink
Nor I could see any Jaam*
To console my heart
Even there was not any alluring face
To decorate her in your dreams.” 04
“Neither there was any melodious voice
Coming from the lips
Of a morning waked-up beauty
Nor there was any blooming smile
Coming from any sweet innocent child.” 05
“Then how I could have decorated
Your sleep with colorful dreams*
Just think over it
And then
You yourself tell me.” 06
Speechlessly I repeated only:-
O’ Dreams "Why don't you come to me?"
He said, how can I come to you
There is nothing in your Heart
To call me in your Dreams. 07
Ravindra
Kanpur India 08th June 2016
Explanations: Saaki* = Though most of the uses of the word are kept in context related to drinks, a Saaki is supposedly a person (in most probability a lady) who is either a loved one or a friendly cup-bearer. Saaki is actually a person who makes one's drink, a cup-bearer. But the word is also figuratively used for a loved one.
Jaam* = A cup full of drink (wine)
Dreams* = of astonishing beauty
Categories:
sarcastically, dream,
Form:
Free verse
TO PONDER POSSIBILITIES
AND POSTULATE PROBABILITIES
SOCIALLY SIMMERED SO SARCASTICALLY
TO SANCTIMONIOUS UNCERTAINTIES
THEN RENDERING A RECIPE RANDOMLY
INTO IRRATIONAL IMPOSSIBILITY
MIXED TO THE MAXIMUM MALICIOUSLY
MORONIC MINDS OF MINIMUM MORALITY
ABANDONED ABRUPTLY WITHOUT ACCOUNTABILITY
FALSELY FIGURED AND FORGOTTEN FUNDAMENTALLY
REPUGNANTLY REMEMBERED RESPONSIBILITY
HOPELESSLY HELPLESS HOMOGENEALOGY
WITHOUT SHAME OR SENSIBILITY
NO HONOR NOR HUMILITY
PRIDE OR PERSONALITY
ISSUE OR INTEGRITY
NO UNDERSTANDABILITY
READING RELUCTANTLY
WRITTEN WOEFULLY
DISCARD DIRECTLY
Categories:
sarcastically, conflict, confusion, judgement, philosophy,
Form:
Alliteration
This is my search for the proper mentality
Ive realized I need to change myself drastically,
And Radically
I need to Change my whole inner Anatomy
On The search for a cure to my insanity
I just dont want to be another fatality
As I look around casually, trying to think rationally
But the only answer i can find is to change my whole personality
If i dont the pain will continue to grow rapidly
In this calamity I lost you, but only to a mental catastrophe
But you looked into my eyes and said "it wasnt me"
So ill continue to be in this state of amity
Thankfully I lack apathy
While i wait Ecstatically
For you come back to me,
In my time of need I tried to turn to christanity
Because They said the bible would hold the answers in reality
But my life needs to be lived emphatically
So id like to drop a bomb on your faith, **** the baptistry
And im sorry for all this blasphomy
My words of truth have turned into a rhapsody
And ive learned that The one of the real gifts you left me is was this constructive agony
My brain needs to be drained because its nearly at full capacity
My thoughts are endless and keep growing erratically
Every thought of mine is full of confession, confusion and wishes for the future,
Id call it a fantasy
Because I dream one day we will be living together, fantastically
And stop being held down by gravity
And ill float away with you in my arms
Now understand I say that with first meaning of audacity
And I feel like you are mine as if you were given to me through my born rights constitutionalily
And In my mind Our love was a given right that was ammended and ended with feelings of impartialily
But with time the amendment will be repealed happily, with no memory
And youll return to me randomly
And ill tell you "i wasnt worried" sarcastically
Because when you walked away it left a very deep cavity
i tried to fill it up with pathetic fallacy
but only you in my arms will fill it to the top dramatically
And nothing will ever be the same in my eyes and in my reality
Dont worry I dont say that unhappily
Because missing you has caused me to fight and fix my life and my immorality
So now ill take a bow and say "thank you"
like im trying to end this theatrically
With your hand in mine and the proper punctuality.
Categories:
sarcastically, angst, betrayal, dedication, emotions,
Form:
Rhyme
“She’s let me down again Clare Cox” the ‘missus’ fumed about her wayward aid.
Now with the job to do upon her own. For other arrangements have been made.
“You’re helping me today” she pointed “And I don’t want any spiels”.
“Fair go” I replied, “I don’t know nothing, about serving meals on wheels”.
Well I soon learnt I tell you, the wife’s anger soon did heal
When I carried in the soups and sweets. She took in the midday meal.
We propped at all the diner’s homes, where the folks would say g’day.
Most were ‘oldies’ that I rarely saw, but I knew them anyway.
The ‘missus’ ‘neath her breath, gave out a groan “Prepare for this old one.
She’s a flamin’ whingeing ‘battle axe’, which can’t be pleased by anyone,
It doesn’t matter what we do, she will grumble and abuse,
If it’s not about the food we bring, it’s dirt upon our shoes”.
“Who’s that?” I heard sarcastically. The ‘missus’ gave an enforced grin.
“Why Aggie he’s my husband”…“Does he know what he’s doing?
He better not be like Clare Cox, that ‘tart’ tried to choke me”.
Aggie put a plate upon the table that held one solitary pea.
“Look at this!” She pointed, to the shrivelled up hard pea.
“How could anyone eat that, it’s like a rock as you can see”.
I picked the pea up off the plate, rolled it ‘round my mouth a mite.
Gripping the pea between my teeth, I found it way too hard to bite.
“You’re right you know” I grinned at Aggie. Still the scowl wore on her face.
I tied to humour her a bit, when I said, “You have a case,
I’ll take it to a lawyer, he’ll sue the council for your pea”…
“Well don’t forget to say,” she said…“It’s already been through me”.
Categories:
sarcastically, humor,
Form:
Rhyme