Best Recruiter Poems
As a former executive recruiter, I used to hear about some incredible things that applicants have said on job interviews. A few of them are a bit 'spicy' to list here, but here are some choice tidbits:
My name's John. But you can call me 'Lizard.'
You forgot to offer me a cup of coffee.
I left 'street address' blank. I live in a trailer park.
Your last name is Spears? Related to Brittney?
I'm on my fourth marriage. So far, so good.
Before we talk about the actual job, can we talk money?
Between you and me, I couldn't stand my last boss.
Are there any gay bars near here?
I left my last job because the work wasn't meaningful enough.
Put me close to the bathroom. I have issues.
So, how do you like Trump?
I didn't see the 'Meditation Room.'
What's your policy on music?
Can I park my bicycle here in the office?
I have to leave early every Thursday for my AA meetings.
My hair's not long now like it was in college.
Let me show you some pictures of my kids...
August 01, 2019
Writing Challenge 3, July 2019 - List
Dear Heart
Categories:
recruiter, career, jobs,
Form:
List
Yorkshire, 1914
I patch mended her copper saucepan,
Edged an axe, two cleavers and a knife.
I did all the jobs that were required.
By this comely young farmer’s wife.
She served me a platter of rare beef
With chunks of home baked bread,
And along each large slice of meat
Relish of horseradish was spread.
She served me there in her kitchen
Sat me at a large wooden bench
As I watched all around the room
A young and fine buxom a wench.
She slid on my knee quite suddenly
And I held her there in my arms.
For how could any young man
Refuse an offer of such charms
She kissed my mouth with a passion.
She kissed me with a lust and desire,
That set may pulses off racing
That set my whole body on fire.
I held her for all of that evening
And most of that coming night,
Enjoying the play of our passion
The pleasure and sheer delight.
She served me a farmhouse breakfast.
For which my whole body yearned.
Eggs and home slaughtered bacon
Bread, and butter near freshly churned
I held her once more in that kitchen
In thanks for the love we had made
Then out to follow my fortune,
A wandering Jack of all Trade.
I could hear Shires in the stable
That fine November’s morn
As I set off on my journey
Just at the crack of dawn.
I strode away quite briskly
Down that winding cart track,
My body so pleasantly sated,
Possessions slung over my back.
Oh how I so love this my freedom
To enjoy while there’s still chance
For I reckon it’ll soon be the recruiter
And a spell in the trenches of France.
Maybe this really happened.
I wonder did he survive
The carnage of that bitter war
To come back whole and alive.
Yorkshire 2022
Categories:
recruiter, imagination, passion, romantic, world
Form:
Rhyme
More Potential Limericks
Effective, live, give
Related, created, dated
Contemplated, illustrated, annotated
Realize, chastise, surmise
Talented, Sainted, painted, fainted
Proportion, distortion, contortion
Humongous, among us, fungus
Incantation, contemplation, situation
Intend, extend, suspend, upend
Support, escort, retort
Harmonic, Teutonic, tonic, bubonic
Criticize, realize, surprise
Limerick, pick, edict
Tutor, suitor, refute her, recruiter
Traitor, educator, date her
Weigh a ton, around had spun, start to shun, she's the one
Order was out, without a doubt, starting to shout
Debilitated, rehabilitated, rotated, rated
A mattering, started scattering, broke and shattering
Choke, broke, spoke, yoke
Table, enable, fable
Hostile for a while, quite a gal, would beguile, could compile
Seduce, reduce, produce
Abuse, excuse, obtuse, what's the use
Wangle, angle, dangle, wrangle
Worrisome thought, Lincoln was shot, outside is hot
In between was caught, hit the spot, ended with dot, within earshot
Now go for it. Jim Horn
Categories:
recruiter, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick
WHERE FREEDOM FINDS THE FIRE-Screwed XIII Contest
Sponsor: Rob Carmack
The liberation that resides within burning flames,
creates a disaster of unknown soldiers with no names.
Emancipation of nightmares turning into reality,
such trauma on the front line without any familiarity.
The combatants fight for justice without reservation,
committed to the allegiance with brothers, self preservation.
Fearless warriors breaking through walls of steel,
the discipline remains faithful with robust Navy Seals.
Rugged militants searching for honorable troopers,
a fighter waiting to be found by a dedicated recruiter.
Courage becomes a mission that creates no boundary,
to save our country within mental states of quandary.
Enemy's break through and many soldiers become hero's,
they protect our freedom from disasters like ground zero.
The Privates in the Army teach discipline and respect,
so proud to be an American, what more should we expect?
Freedom comes with a price and too many lives are lost,
so much fear and trepidation when enemy lines are crossed.
All the soldiers are laid to rest in Arlington Cemetery,
for when freedom finds the fire, fighting is necessary.
~Date Written: March 26, 2016~
Categories:
recruiter, courage, freedom, soldier,
Form:
Quatrain
Talked to my recruiter
Felt it was my duty sir
Raised my hand said yes I can
Be a great American
Sent me off to boot camp
Sargent treated me like crap
Never got to thank his Mom
The one who raised this hellish son
Made me a man sent me to war
Not knowing what I'm fighting for
Traveled to Afghanistan
To kill some guy named Taliban
Now I'm hunkered in a ditch
Missing Momma's fish and grits
Planes are flying over head
Pretty soon we'll all be dead
All it is that I can say
I'm to young and dumb to die this way
Then I got a good report
They have no need for me no more
Landing on the tarmac
Hello America it's me I'm back
Greeted by my two best friends
Nodding Bob and Stutter Jim
Even got my old job back
Who would have ever thought of that
Still in service to my country
Behind the counter at Burger King
All I have to say in close
Would you like some fries with those...
Categories:
recruiter, funny, humor,
Form:
Free verse
We were the barrel bottom feeders, we were barely eighteen
We had no chance nowhere else ‘til we were issued a used dream
We sat with our recruiter while he gave us his spiel
He said, “Now listen up, recruit, Imma make you a new deal.
Thirty thousand dollar bonus just for being employed
and between us, if you join now then you won’t be deployed”
I look back now and smile and I laugh at all that
Cause six months after signing we were dying in combat
And after we got back, after giving three years
After giving brother’s blood, after holding back our tears
We were some of us arrested outside the post exchange
For taking drugs that helped us with what happened down range.
The rest of us were spared, saluted, celebrated
We won our countries love, we earned the Muslim’s hatred
They tell us “You are moral, our countries best provision
Now here’s your booze and condoms, go make the best decisions”
(By a proud U.S. Soldier, able to accept the army despite her flaws).
Categories:
recruiter, memory, military, political, drug,
Form:
Rhyme
A hundred-ten year old soldier was interred in Arlington Cemetery today.
Corporal Frank Woodruff Buckles now sleeps nigh his comrades in sacred clay,
Awaiting that glorious morn when Gabriel's bugle will sound that final call,
To fall in for the last calling of the roll! Corporal Buckles will be standing tall!
"Taps" was played echoing far beyond the hills of Arlington into the misty past,
Reminding all of brave men who were destined to die or were horribly gassed!
Courageous men who willingly placed national destiny above their very own,
To ensure that our precious and hard-won freedoms would ne'er be overthrown!
Only sixteen, he lied about his age trying to join the navy and marines with no luck,
And was told, "Go home before your Mom knows you're gone, you young buck!"
He told a bigger whopper telling the army recruiter he was all of twenty-one!
The sergeant, looking for warm bodies signed him up, thence the deal was done!
He was promoted to corporal and served with distinction as an ambulance driver.
After serving in France, he was honorably discharged, returning a heroic survivor!
As a civilian he was a prisoner of the Japanese in the Philippines but was kept alive,
And was rescued after three years in Los Banos prison camp in nineteen forty-five.
He proudly represented the 'doughboys' of The Great War as last man standing.
So much, so very much to him we owe for his service was most outstanding!
That venerable symbol of America, the majestic Golden Eagle, cried,
On the day that the old veteran, Corporal Frank Woodruff Buckles died!
(Corporal Buckles, the last American survivor of World War 1, died 27 February 2011, at the age of 110)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Categories:
recruiter, death, history, sadwar, age,
Form:
Rhyme
They come from
many lands
to attend the rather large
Spring postcard show
of
the
Metropolitan Postcard Club
Plenty of cards with images of
movie, stars, elephants, poets
and just about everything else
Been writing for
postcard magazines for years
Actually getting paid for writing!
I do love poetry - although there is no money in it
When I worked for an executive recruiter
Someone told me "you can eat the paper"
I'll put a little salt on the paper and eat some verse today
and while I am at it
I'll think of past postcard shows
with millions of delightful images for sale
Categories:
recruiter, how i feel, poetry,
Form:
Concrete
Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter
Instagram, tinder and flickr
Our addicted life keeps getting bigger
Traveling the tubes of our online existence
Going the distance
Using our online assistance
Addicted to likes
Trolling at night
Swiping right
Watching followers start to spike
Thousands of friends
With messages To send
There's only so much of the truth you can
Actually bend
Taking pics next to your fancy car
A famous Rockstar
Or with your buddies In some bar
Real life is slipping away
Your threads of real time Are starting to fray
Eventually your soul will start to pay
Spending alot of your time
While online
Feeling your health decline
Instead of finding a mountain that you
Could possibly climb!
Getting upset
When friends forget
To like your texts
There's no respect
Kids at work
Thinks there phones are a perk
If you tell them to put them away, they call you a jerk
And there feeling's get hurt!
Unfortunately our future
Is stuck in a computer
It is used as a recruiter
To trap humans
And to keep track of there movement's
It's all kind of a nuisance!
Categories:
recruiter, addiction, appreciation, deep, depression,
Form:
a one against all iconoclast
eat my shorts was his hello
after being driven from the village
by the Iceberg Clan physical therapists
and their dictatorship of deduction
a mere fascination with the grotesque
boasting an indignant moral high ground
their vast distortions parading as what's next
none of which was actually observant
ordered the award of a certificate of exile
prompting futile biographical excess
told his life story in a whisper
to the audience on the bus stop bench
in the fabled Flat Lands of Disturbia
trying to be more than what he thought he was
had the soul of a humming bird
chose his objects of adoration wisely
dodging recruiter demons at all hours
kick starting a thousand slave rebellions
you instigate one you instigate them all
inching up to the black widow at web central
twitching the cables just enough
with the help of his archangel air cover
shielding his free will for eternity
just enough for the look-o-meter
to get him through the mine fields
driving a '49 Mercury like he stole it
it is theater pure and simple
a Fellini runway extravaganza
playing evil A against evil B
resist and defy were his left and right
victory payouts collectible at Ed the Bookie's
a Ponzi scheme of titanic proportion
cosmic efficiencies being what they are
where the hierarchies choke hold your neck
zigging and zagging like sparring ghosts
a house of cards inside a hall of mirrors
forcing themselves not to look
since when have the observant sages
ever managed to end our misery
made it gnashingly worse more likely
If the amputation scars are any indication
this is a bad review no stars
in case you were wondering
a lot of that's not right out there
but only because context is everything
a blind eye is a blind eye
thoughts are surfaces
Categories:
recruiter, how i feel,
Form:
Free verse
I became familiar with intriguing chow in the army mess,
Tho' I savored their chipped beef and gravy I must confess!
But some of their culinary efforts left in my mind some doubt,
That my wily recruiter didn't know what he was talking about!
Invariably for lunch and supper much to my dismay,
They plopped a dollop of fruit cocktail upon my battered tray.
The sergeant grinned as he slopped some on my mashed pertaters.
Have you ever eaten fruit coctail mixed with stewed termaters!
The army must've had a surplus of orange marmalade,
And the meatballs would've made a formidable hand grenade!
One never asked about the ingredients in the vegetable stew.
On rare occasions steak was served, but it was tough to chew!
Troopers sat around a picnic table affair and elbows really flew!
Such atrocious language! At Mother's table that would never do!
Signs read, "Take all you want but eat what you took!"
Food dumped in the garbage can could easily upset the cook!
For Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners they put on a spread.
Those I savored but anticipated future meals with dread!
But in todays army "dining rooms", silver and chinaware prevails.
Why! I've heard they serve cordon bleu and even lobster tails!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
This poem pretty accurately describes "mess hall" conditions when
I first entered the Air Force in 1948. As years progressed, things
really improved for the better. They are called "dining facilities" today
and to dine in one is a special treat which I have done several times
since my retirement from the Air Force. It is true "dining" and lobster
tail, cordon bleu, steamboat round and such delicacies are de rigueur! If those foods are
not your thing, there is a soup and salad bar, pasta bar, ice cream bar, hamburger bar
and on and on. The decor compares to any fine restaurant. But I don't
begrudge our men and women in uniform one bit - they deserve the best!!
Categories:
recruiter, foodthanksgiving, fruit,
Form:
Rhyme
When I joined the Army - it was not by my desire.
Blinded by his love and charm - I jumped into the fire.
I had recently lost my Grandma - my will was easy enough to bend.
So I agreed to join the Army and hoped that there my pain would end.
The Recruiter had made the Army sound to good to be true.
And when I arrived at Basic - I saw a different view.
Being screamed and yelled at - morning, noon, and night.
Realized a little late - that this decision wasn't right!
Since I said I'd serve four years - I'm surely stuck in hell.
Only when this is all over - will I again be well.
Write to my husband often - to keep my sanity.
Never really knowing - that he no longer wanted me.
Arriving at Indiana now my job for to learn.
I was still expecting his love for me to burn.
All this time away from him - I've surely missed his touch.
If I had seen this coming - would it have hurt this much?
When he arrived in Germany - I was happy beyond measure!
To hold in my arms again - what was my greatest treasure!
In June of '92 the Army I did leave.
Still not knowing yet that my husband could deceive.
Moving in with his Mother was what we did decide.
And it seemed that his true self from her he could also hide.
After all we'd been through still didn't want to leave the Marriage course.
But realized after much soul searching - the only answer was Divorce.
I have often been told that for everything there is a reason.
All things must be allowed to come and go in there own season.
Do not feel sorry for me - a new life I have since found.
One more gratifying - to which I am forever bound!
Categories:
recruiter, divorce, feelings, heartbroken, husband,
Form:
Rhyme
Kitty was sitting on my old computer monitor,
Where it is warm, cozy and oh - so popular.
She keeps an eye for the birds on the porch,
Always on the lookout, she’s my torch.
She then jumps down to attack my computer mouse,
And satisfied with that, she goes to wander the house.
Not so strange that Kitty wakes me like a recruiter,
So that I can go downstairs, and turn on the computer.
She acts more like my daytime activity director,
Telling me to pet her, feed her. I’m such an objector.
But throughout it all, she is always my guide,
And this makes me feel a whole lot better inside.
Categories:
recruiter, animal, appreciation, best friend,
Form:
Light Verse
Who is this man I gave my heart to
I really thought I knew
He came in as image that
I would never deny
now all I ask myself is why
Why did you let him
play you as his fool
he lies about everything
and breaks all the rules
He hides the cellphone
in the middle of the night
taking me as a fool
like everything is alright
He puts a code on the computer
doesn't want me to know
That he's really a recruiter who searches the net
To steal, and break another woman's heart
with all the lies and his stupid little games
One day his life will go up in flames
I am so tired of all these stupid games
One day soon I'll be free
Then a true love will adore me
Categories:
recruiter, loss, sad, day, me,
Form:
You couldn't begin to imagine the pain that I obtain from your absence,
Trying desperately to find the words, and yet my voice remains absent,
Visuals of what you are only witnessed within my computer,
My heart searches for her recruiter with no one there to recruit her,
Oh Captain my Captain with you I vowed to share my life,
The dreadful distance transformed this bitter soul into a loving wife,
I fear the bitter sound of silence each waking moment that you're gone,
Yet I grow stronger from every trial that we must come upon,
Insomnia commenced from your side of the bed I kept void,
My King will soon return, my sleepless nights far destroyed,
No time or distance shall ever keep us apart,
Come back to me love, come mend my broken heart...
Categories:
recruiter, anxiety, depression, emotions, love,
Form:
Free verse