Best Phone Bill Poems
A story inscribed in the constellations
of the punctate canopy of night
Perseus astride the winged Pegasus
Hurtling to save his fair maid Andromeda
from the beastly Cetus the seasick sea-serpent
While her folks, Cepheus and Cassiopeia
gawk dispassionately
Poor parenting enshrined above us
The pancaked 2-D IMAX look
of the heavenly vault
belies the relevant numbers—
Trillions, quadrillions of 3-D miles between,
My retinas bathing in light decades old
Not a preschool connect-the-dots
but a giant mobile
of impossibly remote thermonuclear furnaces
turned cosmic Rorschach test
My eyes drink the mother of pearl
galactic smudge in the telescope
and I feel you gaze right back
Ancient light, yet a staring presence
a Mexican standoff of unfathomable dimensions
Telescopes at 600 hexillion paces, pardner
Don’t blink
Is it my imagination, or your mind?
Crazy quarks’ quantum entanglement
making instant “spooky action” at a distance
40 million light years away
Hundreds of quintillions of miles
whatever in God’s name that is
There you are again; I feel you
Verizon Universal Consciousness Connection
That’s going to be a heck of a phone bill
but I’ll be long gone by then
I think
8/1/16
Categories:
phone bill, imagination, space, stars,
Form:
Free verse
Hydro bill
Visa bill
Food bill
Toilet paper bill
Heating bill
Wine bill
Car bill
Phone bill
Clothing bill
Duck bill
Buffalo bill
Entertainment bill
Anti acids tablets bill
Insurance bill
Bar bill
House bill
Weed bill
Bakery bill
Starbucks bill
Medical bill
Psychotic drugs bill
Dental bill
Legal bill
( for murdering dentist)
Lawn bill
Maid bill
Sexy maid bill
Super sexy maid bill
Misc hookers bill
Feminists lawsuit bill
Internet bill
Cable bill
Speeding ticket bill
Second speeding ticket bill
(to pay first bill)
Drivers license bill
Tic-Tac bill
Kidney replacement bill
Second wine bill
Netflix bill
Barber bill
Uber bill
Russian translation bill
Predator Bill
Y-Bush bill
Donald Trump
Assassination bill
Legal bill
Alimony bill
Stormy bill
Categories:
phone bill, art, evil, funny, giggle,
Form:
Free verse
TELEPHONE
I will wait for the phone to ring
Without a dial tone!
Did I not pay my phone bill?
Ring! Ring it's the TELEPHONE.
A very unusual way to leave the world.
Let's all thank,
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL.
For one of the world's best inventions
The most valuable means of communication.
UN-great-full we are,
Abandoning the telephone in every nation
We now consider the cell phone a better creation.
What happens to talk to our friends from home.
Now you are talking while pumping gas at the gas station.
Driving around while talking on the phone.
You don't care about your situation.
Just as long your antenna is not on roaming.
What happen to s.o.s. Communication.
Now we TEX with addiction.
Do not forget about the phoning internet.
Do not forget about the year1876.
SKAT
Categories:
phone bill, addiction, encouraging, funny, future,
Form:
Rhyme
Chicken Head
Your a bird, with no wings!
Your soul is lost and lives in the streets.
Why sell your body the way you do?
you least can get your son some new shoes.
If you going to sell your body,get what you can get.
You have kids, you need to get a grip.
Do you really want your daughter to grow up like you?
To flag down cars for every man that comes threw!
Why are you selling your last food stamps?
To pay a cell phone bill that has laped.
This is no debate, your son lips is cracked from being dehydarted.
Why do you make them suffer for the things you do?
Look into their eyes. thats the hatred for you!
Your baby is crying tears, for you can hear.
Crying to be loved by you,
You can really fix the things you do!
Each child is a gift from God, A bright shining star.
Look inside your heart,
and ask your self is this is what you want to be.
A chicken head that stay in the streets.
Ask God for help, when you lay down to sleep.
Pray the lord your soul to keep.
If you should die before you wake,
ask him to help take your kids pain away!
Some one should decapitate you,
for all the pain you put your kids threw.
So stop having kids just for someone eles to raise them.
I guess it's for the best, because you really don't deserve them!
They cry for help, they beg of you!
Your a lost soul, and only God can judge you!
Categories:
phone bill, dedication, devotion, family, fear,
Form:
Light Verse
I AM SORRY
Apology letter
Three words that simply goes like I am sorry
Simple yet difficult to say I am sorry
Sorry for the way I treated you I am sorry
Sorry I lied to you I am sorry
Sorry I couldn’t make it I am sorry
Sorry daddy but I can’t make it there I am sorry
Sorry mom it was me who did it I am sorry
Sorry brother I am the one who told the lie
Sorry sister for taking it without your permission
Sorry teacher for late submission it is my fault to be lazy and irresponsible
Sorry master for the high phone bill
Sorry honey for breaking the promise
All I want to say is I am sorry…
I am not sorry because I want to be seen as a good guy
Or that I am not strong enough like a man
Nor for you to be nice to me and grant me that opportunity again though sometimes I do
I am not saying it because I am supposed to but I am sorry because I am tired
Tired of the past that keeps on haunting me every time I see you
I am tired of carrying the burden in my mind like I am dead mined
I am tired of twisting my tongue I am a human not a chameleon
I am sick of the war impending in my throat heart vs. mind
I am tired of pumping adrenaline into my blood stream like a shepherd watering daddy’s flock
I am tired of being a hypocrite,
All I want to do is to let it go
All I want to say is that I am sorry, please forgive me
JOHN 8:32 I SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET ME FREE
Author Neo Charisma Masetlane
Life though
GOOD MORNING
Categories:
phone bill, change, christian,
Form:
Free verse
As you ended our video call,
You suited up,
Helmet,
Armor,
Gun.
Just another day in that god forsaken place,
As soon as you stepped off the plane it felt like being in an oven.
But hey,
What did you expect.
The boys and you all load up into the Humvee and take off with the rest of the Caravan.
Just another day.
Just another day…
There wasn’t supposed to be an explosion.
There weren’t supposed to be screams.
There wasn’t supposed to be any blood shed.
It was supposed to be just another day.
But all of that did happen.
And you were taken away from me and Mom and Dad and our little sister,
In an instant.
You were supposed to come home.
We were supposed to celebrate your birthday together,
Our sister baked you a cake for when you came home.
But… now you can’t,
And you won’t,
Ever again.
Because you’re gone.
And you can’t ever come back.
But know that we love you,
Know that I love you,
Know that I loved you, My Brother.
Most Importantly know that we miss you,
every waking moment.
Because you’re gone,
And we’ll never see you again.
Did I tell you Mom and Dad still pay your phone bill?
They pay,
So that we can hear your voice on your voicemail recording when we miss you.
I call,
Everynight.
Categories:
phone bill, brother, death, farewell, pain,
Form:
Dramatic Monologue
My youngest one summer came and stayed with me
I was in the Navy stationed in Millington, TN
One day he was involved in a rock fight
A busted open head led him to the hospital that particular night
He asked me when they have to do stitches what do they use
I laughed and said a sewing machine, he wasn't amused
After a couple of weeks, his head healed up fine
To remove them would be sixty dollars to pay for the doctor's time
I told my brother I would be the doctor and do a house call
To my amazement I removed them all
I regret the day I sent him back home
He was pretty much all alone
He would give me a call always collect
Though the phone got high I would always accept
One evening, as I walked in the door, the phone rang and I said here goes the
phone bill
But it wasn't him, it was my brother Larry saying Wayne had just been killed
Wayne had decided to take Dad's pickup out for a joy ride
On an icy road, he lost control, hit a bridge support and smashing in the driver's
side
His lifeless body was lying face down
In a ditch where he was found
The doctor said he suffered no pain
My brother Kenny found Wayne's ball cap, bloodying his hands, his nightmares
still remain
To this day I carry the guilt about the bill when the phone rang
How much I miss my brother Wayne
My brother David is an emotionless guy
But at the wake he had to cry
Life has a way of taking its toll
Always try to look at the glass half full
Categories:
phone bill, brother, death, family, sad,
Form:
ABC
I wake up in the morning
With the alarm clock going off
The Major League would hire me
If they got a look at that toss
Landing perfectly in the trash
On the other side of the room
Didn't wake up then
Till mid-afternoon
Pretty sure for certain
My boss is wondering why me he hired
On the job less than a week
And already on the verge of being fired
Forgot to pay my phone bill
So I couldn't give him a call
Seems the only thing I do right
Is doing wrong
Too cheap to buy flowers
So I pick them out in left field
Right next to the honey patch
With bees munching their meals
Brought them home to my girlfriend
Who proceeded to sneeze and cough
With a case of hay fever
This didn't go over as well as I thought
Her sneezing also interrupted
The bees in the bunch
Sticking their heads out from
The middle of lunch
That's when Miss Noisy
Was repeatedly stung
Seems the only thing I do right
Is doing wrong
Needing to withdraw my measly savings
I head down to the bank
Step inside and holler HOLD UP
As I was running late
All the tellers they screamed
And pointed accusingly at me
As I stood there in the middle
Of all the melee
The cops roughed me and cuffed me
And took me to jail
With no boss and no girlfriend
To pay on my bail
Now here I sit in the slammer
With no idea of how long
Seems the only thing I do right
Is doing wrong
Categories:
phone bill, funny, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
Infrequent quarters sink toward the depths of desolate sweaty palms
Glum thought manufactured from the mind merge with my palm’s pond
I clinch my hand draining sweat, for those required quarters mustn’t be lost
I got bills to pay
Pride forbids me from parental based funds
It would only mean they were right
So I sit lost in thought
Trying to squeeze dollars out of dimes
Dam I got bills to pay
Regret mingles with my melancholy filled thoughts
The fast food industry wasn’t that bad
Yes it was but it paid the bills
Should I have a talk with the landlord or the holy lord
Wondering which would be most effective
Damn I got bills to pay
It’s so expensive just to get by in today’s society
They tell me I have free speech and charge me for a phone bill
They tax the essentiality of life such as water
They would charge for your thoughts if they don’t already
But no need to complain because that only emphases strain
But dam I got to pay
Categories:
phone bill, me, me,
Form:
Free verse
3/27/2018
Spit shined black dress shoes, badges and keys.
The childlike fear of figures of authority.
Condescending tone, vocal depth, glacial stare
Standing upright, hovering over you sitting in your chair.
Behind a desk, in an office, certificates on the wall.
College degrees, commemorations, or backed by law.
Cut your mic off in the middle of a moving speech
Raise the prices higher than anything you’ll ever reach.
Knock the legs off the ladder as we climb to the top
The key to their success written in a drawer, kept locked.
Same adults saying, “Shut up n’ listen,” urge you to “Speak up for yaself”
Every time you act or express something different, momma reaches for the belt.
Black robed white collared behind an elevated altar
While Judases sit in pews in fear sin will conquer.
White coated, phone bill charging for half an hour
Costly prescriptions instead of natural herbs and powders.
Weekly sessions diagnosed a mild depression
If suicide ain’t on your mind, therapy will lead you that direction.
Government imposed taxes and student loans $5,000 debt
Paychecks seized by the bounty hunting IRS.
Currently, currency and power market wars and cancer
Little boy asks, “When’s daddy coming back?” with no answer.
Troubled teens evolved from touched children
Never spoke for fear their parents would kill them.
Religions already forced them upon their knees
Never blossomed fully because they were said to be ‘bad seeds.’
Categories:
phone bill, anxiety, children, corruption, fear,
Form:
Rhyme
SHUT -UP
WHEN YOU UTTER THE WORD "SHUT -UPP"
IT MAKES ME FEEL IN BUTTER
WHICH MAKES ME TWITTER
THIS ARE BEST WORDS ANYONE
CAN UTTER.
SO I JITTER UP WHEN
I LISTEN THE WORD FROM YOU
"SHUT-UPP"
IT MAKES MY HEART SHINE BRIGHTER
WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ON CELL PHONE
MY HEART GOES ON LITTER.
WHEN YOU PICK UP MY PHONE CALL
AND WHEN YOU LAUGH ON MY JOKES
IT MAKES ME SWEETER.
WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR STORIES
IT MAKES MY HEART SHINE IN GLORY
THE PHONE BILL GOES UP TALLER.
AND I DON'T CARE IT ANYMORE
WHEN THE WORD COMES IN BYE.
THEN MY HEART GOES IN HEATER.
SO ALWAYS UTTER THE WORD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WORD
IN THE WORLD "SHUT -UPP"
FROM YOUR LIPSER.
Categories:
phone bill, lost loveme, heart, heart,
Form:
Rhyme
Little Marie
Is a pretty little girl
With baby blue eyes
And big, blond curls.
She does her homework
And reads about Rome.
But oh, you should see her
When she is at home!
She screams and she cries
And she yells at her mama.
Simple family dinner
Often turns into drama
About who-gets-what
And who-sits-where.
And if Marie's not satisfied
She pulls her sibling's hair.
She kicks what she wants
And hits what she will.
Rips and tears
Her family's phone bill.
She breaks dozens of glass
With each passing week.
And once drowned the family cat;
She called it a worthless freak.
But if these horrible things
Were told to others,
They'd just shake their heads
And mutter,
"Little Marie
Wouldn't do such things.
She's so sweet
To her family she'd bring
Happiness and fortune
She'd be their dream come true.
I do wish she's my little girl,
Oh yes, I do!"
And then they'd pat her little head
And she'd skip away with grace.
But they won't be able to see
The smirk on her face!
Categories:
phone bill, funny, family, family,
Form:
Rhyme
When once upon a time one had to knock at your friends door to see if they were in because your parents had put a cap on the phone bill to stop you ringing ....
When you recycled your bottles of pop for pocket money, a halfpenny for your fruit salad chew and you couldn't resist a black jack that turned your tongue blue ..
When your first job was picking fresh organic field mushrooms for the local grocery , a Tuppence a punet was plenty ....
When you helped the elders of your community across the road because their glasses were stuck together with sticky tape balanced on their nose ......
When your friend called Cyril the dog taught you to swim in the river and the sea and you adventured in the pond on your makeshift barrelled boat , your spirit was free swinging on a rope amongst the river trees ...
When it was safe to walk to the park through your village , your community ,and you know you felt safe because everyone knew , you see ...
When the day finished off with scraps wrapped in The Sun newspaper shared amongst your friends whom you spent climbing trees navigating yourselves scumping apples over the old mans private fence ...
Categories:
phone bill, freedom, growing up, inspiration,
Form:
Free verse
Learning to let your words
stand as spoken,
a broken place in my heart
is reaching to find hope
in an inhospitable space.
I sit in my bed and dread,
searching for the bravery
to accept comfort in your reassurances.
I have always wanted to believe.
Ripped out of the wall and disconnected,
the hum of the radio cradled me,
waiting for my cheating husband to
come home and discuss the phone bill.
The torn red vinyl seat
of an after-hours diner
steadied my hand
as my best friend disclosed her betrayal.
Taped and tied down in a corner
you can find a very small and unnoticed
me, praying to never be
brought back to these places.
Roused from jaded reflections,
I find myself so in love with you
that I have to leave it be.
I sip tea and breathe in
the peace that only trust brings.
Faith is intangible.
It is as conceptual and euphoric
as forever, or always,
or happily ever after.
If faith is believing in something
I've never seen before, then I will have faith.
Categories:
phone bill, angst, introspection, love,
Form:
Blank verse
Man a yard help mi fi understand what a gwan in yuh ministry
A set them set yuh up ar' a lie yuh a tell bout yuh phone bill run up
Data... A wah that?
Over 8 million dollars, mi can't even tell yuh how mi disappointed inna yuh
Mi a live hand to mouth and yuh a give FLOW 8 million dollaz
Shake Mi head
Mi just eat piece a bread no money fi buy butter
No money fi pay fi the little one bedroom, over Portmore
Mi drink a glass a wata to wash dung the bread... Thank yuh Lord
Shake mi head
Life rough... Hand to mouth is how I live
8million could pay off fi mi little house and help Paul fi finish law school and yes, help Miss Brown with her cancer treatment
At 74 mi coulda stop sell newspaper.. 8 million dollarz... Them news people must a read wrong... 8 million dollaz?
Mi disappointed in yuh man a yard, mi need fi hear what a gwan in a yuh ministry ar' a lie yuh tell
Mi nuh understand this data ting
Mi just know 8 million would help mi condition
Life rough... Hand to mouth is how I live
Categories:
phone bill, confusion, star,
Form:
Free verse