Best Neuman Poems

Unidentified extraterrestrial(s) willingly abducted me

As a divergence 
from the apocalyptical, dialectical, 
geomorphological, judgmatical, 
metaphorical, philosophical...,
I share an out of this 
(webbed wide) world,
light hearted anecdote 
ye may find far fetched.

Believe me you,
an unspecified number of years ago,
yours truly availed himself 
as an experimental subject,
and since...

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Oh euthanasia, death's sweet song,
your word so smoothly flows along.
I can no longer bear his pain;
my love and prayers were all in vain.

His eyes are pleading for this wrong.
Oh euthanasia, death's sweet song,
you soothe my heart to set him free;
his frantic words are begging me.

Those...

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I

What if this life is a play,
and we the actors each day,
an insane play for sick and sadistic amusement.

II

Oh, then life would be nothing,
existence would mean not a thing,
all our pain and suffering just a absurd plot.

III

The dead just discarded actors,
our life determined by chapters,
a...

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Alice Neuman, the last human who could drive died
Spread rapidly on networked news platforms that never lied
To the twelve billion populous that could not
Because of the AI developed when she was just a tot.

Each vehicle had one, human control was not needed,
The freedom of the...

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Unidentified flying object abducted yours truly,... 

a willing experimental subject 
to escape untenable married life.

Upon falling into a deep slumber, 
the following subconscious 
somnambulant scenario arose 
allowing, enabling, and providing 
temporary alleviation from 
outa harried married state.  
   
Out of a tendency...

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Morality and self-fulfillment
attainable without belief in God
similarly yours truly
would figuratively crane
his credulity to ascertain Ichabod
mentioned in first Book of Samuel
as purported son of Phinehas,

I reject entire Biblical text,
and prefer to remain sacrilegious
eschewing faith no more,
(cuz doctrinaire versus
epistemological paradigm)
disagreeable, thus essentially
resigning yours truly

as token scapegoat gussied
up...

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Vane glorious and absolutistic,
     though I defiantly,
     cavalierly, and blithely attest
Yukon bet your (laugh-in) sweet bippy
     mine acidic breast

houses anarchic, anti-poetic ballistic,
     barbaric, and bubonic
    ...

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nor any greed
from one suppurating marriage
 this guy wants to be freed
with no malice this cheap tricking
   super tramping wordsmith
 of inxs ac of dc charged cheap tricks
 sans done dirty deed.

This impersonator qua sometime bard of yore
admits to his apology
 if ye...

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My favorite president?
Can't tell you now
they've re-written history
and a mob with pitchforks
would be chasing me.

The terms of their herd immunity
let them rule with impunity
from within their inclusively
exclusive community.

My favorite president?
I'll let you guess
no better - no worse
than all the rest.
For the power of power
corrupts absolutely
and...

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Radical planet friendly measures
equals earning kudos as unsung hero
(think environmental/carbon footprint)
nearly absolute zero
while global population quarantine
suspension of civil rights
would never fly with trumpeting pharaoh.

Since United States economically crippled
(as well rest of world wide web)
courtesy coronavirus fallout rippled
analogous, whereby Mother Earth
(Gaia's) motley crew psyches stippled.

Golden nugget...

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I, (and the missus)
     pleased as punch residing
     at this Schwenksville, Pennsylvania locale,
     (since july first tooth house

     sand eighteen), marks one year
and better with (on site
  ...

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Unsolicited feedback
across rock of ages woke
beguiling ghostly busty spectre
courtesy Marie-Antoinette,
(i.e. bride of France's arty choke
King Louis XVI) bespoke

let him eat cake, and (sic)
send back the bloody bloke,
aye suddenly begot idea rye
Jack Corner of zee desk
didst impale and provoke
moderately painful injury

right side rib cage
analogous to intriguing
unfortunate...

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which prime mate affectionately called buttock blaster
alimentary explosion ofttimes causes global disaster
upon such gaseous debacle run for your life ever faster!

Yours truly (humorously dry husband)
can definitively attest,
she (thee missus) nixed, ordained,
inured, espoused blessed
discrete frolicsome liaisons regarding
shenanigans Mister Phil Ander
deviously, knowingly, and stealthily wrested.

Dirty deed done...

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LAVENDER LADY
She was my lavender lady;
Standing by the lake,
Gazing across the sky-blue water
At who-knows what in the distance.
She was the very essence of elegance.
Spurning the mini-skirted fashion of the age,
Her flowing summer dress
Modestly reached mid-calf.
I was not given to approaching perfect strangers
(And I use the...

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I have a problem;
these animals keep digging
mammals moles, gophers

~

hole digging tunnels
Oh! Burrowers where’s your den
you’re not our friend

~

small animals holes
moles, voles, rats, chipmunks burrows
Complex tunnels scapes

~

vermits such a pest
there’s gonna be a murder
Murder in tunnel





1/31/21
For Murder in the Tunnel Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Kai Michael Neuman...

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