Best Heist Poems
just an average typical morning within this same old town
avoiding all the neighbors that nosily creep these grounds
while all these other folks keep busy bodying gossiping and all
who has whiter teeth, bigger boobs, or the cutest guy at the mall
i stopped at the library to dodge all these illiterate snots
the only place that's quite enough for me to organize my thoughts
i walked in just to be stopped, breathless, dead in my tracks
a book, not made of paper or even hard back
binding was some type of stitched authenticism
bound with a beautiful articulate collage of pattern to it
I thought
same old stories, same old narrative
can someone tell me where all the good authors went
I just need an outline, no critique or edit
but everything I read, I feel I have already read it
I stood there for a second, which felt like a lifetime
must have been reading stars, because it left my mind blind
if only just once I could hold that masteredpiece written classic
I can't lie it was perfect man, I just had to have it
I gasped for a moment, dead in my body
frozen and stunned hoping nobody saw me
it crossed my mind for a split, then, I thought
nah ****
if I get caught I'd be a goner, but I just couldn't wait any longer
I thought
same old stories, same old narrative
can someone tell me where all the good authors went
I just need an outline, no critique or edit
but everything I read, I feel I have already read it
I darted for that case in a flash and I shattered that glass
busted it open, like I was late for literature class
static shocked a little as the book touched my hand
it was in that moment i knew i was the #1 fan
then it wasn't long I realized it was written for me
initials imprinted so there was no questioning
I thought
same old stories, same old narrative
can someone tell me where all the good authors went
I just need an outline, no critique or edit
but everything I read, I feel I have already read it
I fell deep into the title it really 'hit a line'
bold, italics, with a dedication underlined
I wasn't sure why I needed or wanted to own it
but I would have searched forever if I would have known it
searching every library for a perfect story
all the titles and endings just really seem to bore me
this one was special I just wanted to trace over the print
read. every small detail. no need for suspense
We're all gearing up for the diamond jubilee
Said the bunting waving neighbours smiling with glee
We're all cheering up for the diamond jubilee
Keeping calm and carrying on, truly britishly
We're all working tirelessly for the diamond jubilee
Another priveleged, frivolous squandering of our tax money
Government on high alert for the diamond jubilee
The inhumane lawful theft, by bloody royalty
We're all leaving work for the diamond jubilee
Lovely, if the queen foots the bill, instead of you and me
So many people smile so smugly at the diamond jubilee
From every branch of that twisted family-moneytree
Everyday people have paid for this diamond jubilee
A party for the richest robbers and the regal dynasty.
©John-Ovan.P.Hull
Look little girl
It's not what it looks like
It's really, really not
I came for a picnic with the orphanage
And the food I simply forgot
Look little girl
Don't get all upset
Don't get yourself in a state
I am sure all the others
Won't mind if they donate
Look little girl
It's the gospel truth
I take it for the needy
You've got it all completely wrong
It's not just me being greedy
Look little girl
I've tried everything else
I even called in at the shops
Please little girl, just stop screaming
You're going to alert the cops
Now come on officer
The orphans are starving
This is really not fair
That's my excuse, I am sticking to it
My name?
Erm………….Yogi Bear
OH no!~ A heist in progress!
Stop!
Put down that box!
A failed diet
Waist size increasing
Care to share a donut?
For the "Just The Facts" contest
Clyde Shanks
Robs banks
With gal
Named Sal
For tasks
Wear masks
Take loot
And scoot
Foot race
Cops chase
Both caught
All naught
Both ruffed
And cuffed
To jail
No bail
Court date
Learned fate
Judge tough
No guff
To pen
For ten
a strobe of flashing lights and the
smell of smoking cordite filled the
leaden night
the brush brush brush of silent velcro
and cocking guns and their knobbled sons (grenades)
rolled like severed heads bouncing in the rain
a choir of startled starlings flapped and flew
like bankers new with profit, up towards the diamond sky,
peace on earth goodwill to muscled thighs and skirmished
upper decks of barrels, flushed and hot from bullets bouncing
from the necks of uninvited robbers, dressed in black ...
now disrupted from their grim toil
and outside, witness to this merry hell...the watchers wait
with covered mouths and fibrillating hearts, protected by an
armoured car, while a thousand blue-bottle police
eager for promotion, scamper through the carrion
walkway, keen to be on TV
ah!...what's this?... a glimpse of death pervades the scene,
a limp bag of shattered bone and failed hopes brought to bear
we see,
his crime today, will not pay
Here's a story about a fictional character
That's not really fictional at all
It just another tall tale
That's not even really that tall
Long ago, when I was six
I put together a plan
I was gonna rob the tooth fairy
You know, the one who married Peter Pan?
See, I figured she had to be loaded
To pay for all those teeth
And be too ashamed to tell anyone
That a little boy was the thief
So, I was waiting in my bedroom
With an oversized butterfly net
It was already half passed midnight
But I hadn't seen a sign of her yet
Well, I had just about given up
When I heard a noise outside
And in no time at all, the window flew open
So I had to find a place to hide
It was her alright, just like I'd imagined
With those little white wings and all
And with just one swipe of my trusty net
I caught her, and she started to fall
She said, "What are you doing? Let me go,
Or I'm gonna call the police"
But I knew she was only bluffing
And she'd have to pay for her release
Now to make a long story shorter
Things were getting pretty intense
So she gave me all the money she had
But it was only thirty-five cents
See, I was the last stop on her list
And her money was already gone
But she be back one day soon
And I knew it wouldn't be long
That was the last time I saw her
I heard she's invisible now
I never gave up trying to rob her
But I just couldn't figure out how
The Heist of the Kidney Beans
By Elton Camp
In Pascagoula, Mississippi a burglar did grab
Several times from the drug store some Lortab
The Fred’s store manager very angrily griped
Although Lortab was the only thing he swiped
The pharmacist decided he would make a decoy
So a funny trick was what he decided to employ
Thief came but the pharmacist wanted to throttle
He found only kidney beans in the Lorbab bottle
(Note: true story)
Halloween heist
(Anapaestic Tetrameter)
As the ghosts of tomorrow amass in the hall,
unaware of the darkness descending around,
from the silhouettes crawling along the back wall,
to the creaking of doors with the faintest of sound.
Then a walking ensemble invaded the room,
as the gremlins start growling their threat and demand,
made the joy of the people turn quickly to gloom,
with their creepy attire and light weapons in hand.
A true heist is afoot, no trick for Halloween,
“Now just open the wallets, hand over the cash.
if you follow our orders, we will not be mean
just surrender your jewels, we’re out in a flash”.
In the land of the living, there’s instants of dread,
Be afraid of the mortals, not scared of the dead.
11.02.2022
Contest: Halloween poetry contest
Sponsor: Emile Pinet
Words used: creepy, descending, silhouettes, gloom, darkness, living, open, walking, Halloween, dread.
HOMOPHONE RHYME STYLE TRIAL 2
I saw a murder with my one good eye
A loud one too. What was the cause?
Commotion in the tree, thought I
Judging by incessant caws
It was in the early morning
Just a hair, I think, past eight
Maybe they were in mourning
Or was it something they had ate
I leaned out by the window pane
To see what they had in their cache
Well my pocket really felt the pain
A nest made out of all my cash!
I wanted back what I had seen
I think my watch was up there too!
But last time it was quite the scene
And I left with one eye less than two
Everyone remembers Jack
He had those magic beans
Again, they just told part of it
And it's nothing like it seems
The giant wasn't really a bad guy
But jack was truly a thief
He even worked for Robin Hood
Contrary to some's belief
He was raised in sherwood forest
Where they taught him how to steal
They even taught him how to swear
Against his mother's will
Anyway, back to that poor old giant
Jack had heard about an easy buck
Tho many had failed before him
He thought he'd try his luck
A golden goose with golden eggs
For him, was a really big score
He'd have to find someone to fence it
Or face the stockade once more
He was on parole and he wasn't going back
And vowed they'd never take him alive
He'd already planted those magic beans
And was waiting for his partners to arrive
Robin Hood was on vacation
Him and Marian had gone to the beach
But that would make his cut even bigger
With the Merry Men three eggs each
Jack didn't know this was his last heist
He finally made his way to the top
He soon found out they set him up
And the giant was an undercover cop
But Jack stayed true to his convictions
As he leaped to his certain death
The Merry Men all watched in horror
As he drew his final breath
Well, the giant cut down that beanstalk
And the case was finally closed
The crime wave fell fifty percent
And the Merry Men gang was exposed
She keeps screaming, "Carpe diem!"
all while swinging her axiom.
Crowds of merchants duck in alarm,
slapping the ground to evade harm.
Sweaty cries drift in stagnant air,
while brutal force taunts those who dare
to ignite a defiant eye.
Zealous disdain molds our reply.
We converge in swift succession,
blast the vault to gain possession
of that precious cargo inside:
proof our purpose can’t be denied.
Moments tick down as we retreat,
pumping hard as we hit the street.
Clutching the future in our hand,
we share a smirk as we disband.
Squads tear past our steely escape
as we melt into the landscape.
Calmly, we hide in our disguise,
while my adored safeguards our prize.
Glide over scorched hill and valley;
fortune impels our finale
as raised hands hail our rendezvous,
cheering with comrades of virtue.
Tears of relief stream with fervor,
pride of my role as preserver.
Seeds of revolt are welcomed back
to guard each other from attack.
I searched high and low
Searched left and right
Searched from morning
To half past midnight
Where could it go
It was there in the desk
Someone's messing with me
Is it just a test
Now it's missing in action
I feel like a blind man
Are my eyes closed
Blindly searching with hands
This isn't the first time
This has happened
Set something down
And somehow it vanished
Test of my patients
A trick of my brain
Searched tirelessly
Drove myself insane
Only one solution
To the hunt I am on
No way I lost it
Someone took it, it's gone
I feel the presence
Stolen items it's a heist
It's happily watching
Silent laughing poltergeist
Written 3-4-19
Vocal, nocturnal, creepy
Silent and sneaky
Binocular vision, sharp sight
They are active at night
We are asleep
They are awake
Our lives are at stake.
"Do not trap yourself into an owl's hooting sound where sad nights linger through the blackness of a hound".
Note.It's not the devil it's the People who work for the devil.
Lesson.Honeyed words and furtive movements are not risk free.
Moral.Police meharban to ulu gulu pehalwan.
Christ’s high rank, squarely behind it
In man’s life, The Brightest Candle Lit,
Though Bank Robbers celebrate their heist,
Nothing wanting from Carpenter Christ.
Also, our marking of our birthdays
And anticipation of Better Days,
Straight from Yesterday’s Frays,
That had knocked out hopes and rays.
With carols The Yuletide is expressed:
Tunes ensuring that one is not depressed,
Braved baritones their compulsory spice,
A lighting of candles spiritually nice.
Often unfolding in undisturbed rooms,
That shouldn’t Day – Old Christ wake up,
To be seized The Deafening Booms,
Edging nearer where we sup.
By a white-bearded dominated,
Lazy but always nominated,
And by gift-eyeing children surrounded,
As though indulging their kind just grounded:
Father Christmas The Event keeps pocketing,
Even as different wishes keep picketing.
A time whisky and rum are challenged,
By both The Sane and The Deranged,
Sometimes conquering the two without a homily,
At other times to them losing with ignominy:
A period commercial driver’s wrestle with steering,
Their trips quadrupling, at times wearying,
Unfailingly hating themselves for less success,
Always a preoccupation with excesses.
Ponder I do why Christmas Season,
Is a time Man doesn’t reason,
A lot drinking and the picture is poison,
Lotions grabbing for unusual skin moistening.
Burglaries that lead all the way to prison,
Exchange of blows that cheeks turn Crimson:
The Feeble vie with The Stout to replace Samson,
Though “An infant king is Born” steadily noising.