Best Heist Poems

just an average typical morning within this same old town
avoiding all the neighbors that nosily creep these grounds
while all these other folks keep busy bodying gossiping and all
who has whiter teeth, bigger boobs, or the cutest guy at the mall
i stopped at the library to...

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We're all gearing up for the diamond jubilee
Said the bunting waving neighbours smiling with glee
We're all cheering up for the diamond jubilee
Keeping calm and carrying on, truly britishly
We're all working tirelessly for the diamond jubilee
Another priveleged, frivolous squandering of our tax money
Government on high alert...

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Two brand new manger scenes were donated to our local church,
One went on the minister’s desk the other took the organ as its perch.

The idea was to provide a scene that was both merciful and mild.
But when the organist came to practice on Tuesday night...

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Look little girl
It's not what it looks like
It's really, really not
I came for a picnic with the orphanage
And the food I simply forgot

Look little girl
Don't get all upset
Don't get yourself in a state
I am sure all the others
Won't mind if they donate

Look little girl
It's the...

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OH no!~ A heist in progress!
            
    Stop!

    Put down that box!

A failed diet
Waist size increasing
Care to share a donut?



For the "Just The Facts" contest...

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a strobe of flashing lights and the 
smell of smoking cordite filled the
leaden night
the brush brush brush of silent velcro 
and cocking guns and their knobbled sons (grenades)
rolled like severed heads bouncing in the rain

a choir of startled starlings flapped and flew 
like bankers new...

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Here's a story about a fictional character
That's not really fictional at all
It just another tall tale 
That's not even really that tall

Long ago, when I was six
I put together a plan
I was gonna rob the tooth fairy
You know, the one who married Peter Pan?

See, I...

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Clyde Shanks
Robs banks

With gal
Named Sal

For tasks
Wear masks

Take loot
And scoot

Foot race
Cops chase

Both caught
All naught

Both ruffed
And cuffed

To jail
No bail

Court date
Learned fate

Judge tough
No guff

To pen
For ten...

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The Heist of the Kidney Beans

By Elton Camp

In Pascagoula, Mississippi a burglar did grab
Several times from the drug store some Lortab
The Fred’s store manager very angrily griped
Although Lortab was the only thing he swiped 

The pharmacist decided he would make a decoy
So a funny trick...

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Everyone remembers Jack 
He had those magic beans
Again, they just told part of it
And it's nothing like it seems

The giant wasn't really a bad guy
But jack was truly a thief
He even worked for Robin Hood
Contrary to some's belief

He was raised in sherwood forest
Where they taught...

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HOMOPHONE RHYME STYLE TRIAL 2

I saw a murder with my one good eye
A loud one too. What was the cause?
Commotion in the tree, thought I
Judging by incessant caws

It was in the early morning
Just a hair, I think, past eight
Maybe they were in mourning
Or was it...

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She keeps screaming, "Carpe diem!"
all while swinging her axiom.
Crowds of merchants duck in alarm,
slapping the ground to evade harm.

Sweaty cries drift in stagnant air,
while brutal force taunts those who dare
to ignite a defiant eye.
Zealous disdain molds our reply.

We converge in swift succession,
blast the vault to...

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Veterans Day heist while Vietnam 
veterans enjoy the Veterans Day 
deals with family old war buddies 
gathered VFW American Legions 
unfortunately we spent the morning 
taking me to get twelve injections 
in my head for traumatic brain 
injury headaches resulting from 
the Gargano car bomb...

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Halloween heist

(Anapaestic Tetrameter)


As the ghosts of tomorrow amass in the hall,
unaware of the darkness descending around,
from the silhouettes crawling along the back wall,
to the creaking of doors with the faintest of sound.

Then a walking ensemble invaded the room,
as the gremlins start growling their threat and...

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Christ’s high rank, squarely behind it
In man’s life, The Brightest Candle Lit,
Though Bank Robbers celebrate their heist,
Nothing wanting from Carpenter Christ.

Also, our marking of our birthdays
And anticipation of Better Days,
Straight from Yesterday’s Frays,
That had knocked out hopes and rays.

With carols The Yuletide is expressed:
Tunes ensuring...

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