Best Guzzled Poems
Now Bobby, don't try to look coy.
You mischievous naughty young boy!
You've guzzled my sweets
From 'tricking or treats'
I've seen through your devious ploy.
Oh Bobby, say have you no pride?
You've acted so sneaky and snide.
Your ankle-length socks,
You sneaky young fox
Are stuffed with marshmallows inside!
Don't flutter those big bambi eyes
Or fabricate more porky pies.
You're caught in a fix
Hand over my Twix
I'm bigger than you, so be wise!
20.10.19
If I Were Your Brother Poetry Contest : sponsored by Bobby May
Categories:
guzzled, brother, candy,
Form:
Limerick
One day in Soup Creek City,
There was a duel 'tween Cunningham and Watt
Tom said to John "I hear you're good,
Let me see, son- what you've got"
John said to Tom "You're not the only one
With a gun that fires ink
Tom looked at John in the eye
Then he guzzled down his drink
He said "That may be true, boy
But I've got the fastest gun in town
I'll fire out a few limericks
That will spin your head around"
That's when the sheriff "Koplin"
Walked in Soup Creek's saloon
With pistols by his side
He held a big bright blue balloon
He said to Tom and John
Let's take this duel outside
I'll lock-up the one who shoots the other
And give the balloon to the one who died
Right before they walked outside
Someone shot the balloon big bright and blue
The fastest lady gun around
That all the townsmen knew
Jenna was her name
She walked in six-inch heels
She usually rides around Soup Creek
On her bicycle that has three wheels
She shot that big bright blue balloon
As it wobbled through the air
Then it burst with a bang and zig-zagged
Till it landed on someone's chair
The chair belonged to Gershon Wolfe
The hangman of Soup Creek
But someone shouted "He's in the out-house...
He went to fix a leak"
Milton, Lawless and Mike Gentile
They were playing "Hold 'em" around the table
While Andrea, Constance, and Tania
Was playing "No-Peek" out in the stable
Alexis, Eve, Heidi, Kim and Belle
They were singing a country song
Victor, Arlo, Vijay and Jim Slaughter
They Joined in to sing along
Wendy, Paula, Brenda and Jennifer
Valsa, Sara and "Sunshine" Anne-Lise
They were drinking shots of whiskey
Trying to make some peace
With Sam K, Jo and Brandy
DebM and Anaya too!
Because they all had their eyes on Charlie "two-stepping"
Down at the rendezvous
Categories:
guzzled, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
He stumbled in, as drunk as sin
with a limp and a nose full of red
He ordered cheap gin, and the blood dripped in
As he raised the drink to his head
He sat on the stool,and the drops formed a pool
He could feel all the eyes on his back
He guzzled the fuel, but he kept his cool
As he loaded the balls in the rack
He straigtened his gaze, yet still in a haze
and challenged the room to a game
Then through the maze, with a cigeratte blaze
The surly stranger came
His face was stone, He walked alone
With a beer and a black leather case
with a cue of his own, his cover was blown
On his wrist a tatoo of an ace
He said "I'll take", and he put up his stake
The lushes all gathered around
With a half hearted shake they flipped for the break
While the bartender poured out a round
The stranger broke, with a solid stroke
And down fell the four and the three
This guy was no joke, then he pinched from his poke
and cried out "the next one's on me"!
Ear to Ear grins, as they swilled down that gin
In this stranger, a hero they'd found
They cheered him to win, as he knocked those balls in
they cheered for another free round
He had it won, yes all but one
The eight was final ball
The table run, the lushes stunned
When that sphere refused to fall
Clinching his fist, shocked by his miss
He glared across the table
Like a ship in list from drunken bliss
to stand he was barely able
That drunk cracked a smile, for he knew all the while
That he only needed one chance
In appearance so vile, yet he shot with style
That Gin put him into a trance
His vision was blurred, he mumbled and slurred
Yet to win he would need just one more
And so much as a word, could not be heard
That stranger just stared at the floor
Well he sank that ball, and won it all
and he yelled with a bellowing groan
"before last call just one more tall
And the lushes can all buy their own!"
Categories:
guzzled, cowboy-western, people, social,
Form:
Ballad
A Night On The Town
While searching for a book, one that I hadn’t yet read
I stumbled upon a critter and this is what he said:
Although the library is quite cozy and nice;
Could you fancy a night out for the right price?
Howsabout we meet by the bibliotheca shrub?
A groundhog as I adores a good Punxsy pub.
Grab your coat and throw on your hat.
I’m ready to have a friendly chat.
I looked him in the eye and asked him his name
With delight, he said,
“You’re unaware of my fame.
My friends call me Phil, so I suppose you should too
Let’s blow this joint”
And away we flew
We wandered the streets of this charming town
Visiting shops and pubs, up the street and down
We feasted on grub and guzzled much drink
Then, Phil looked at me with a very hard think
“My friend, it’s been fun but it’s three in the morning.”
And he tottered down the street without any warning
I watched as he burrowed under the library steps
Down on my knees and behind him I crept
His words fell on my ears as he waddled out of sight
“My friend, it’s time for you to go as the sun soon brings light.
You see, I don’t mean to complicate.
But in the morning, I must prognosticate.
Meet me again: fight your way through the mob.
That tree over there; in Gobblers knob.
In just a few hours, at the light of the day;
Meet me again; and don’t delay.”
I did just that; I waited on the lawn
When Phil came out with a stretch and a yawn
With a wink and a smile, his eyes met me with regard
Then a man handed me a note. His name was Gerard.
“This note is from Phil. Don’t tell anyone he can talk, or find you I will.”
I took the note from this cryptic subversive
And found it to be written in splendid cursive
"Thank you for the night, full of libations and cheer
Let’s do it all again. Meet me same time next year."
Categories:
guzzled, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
Send me a lover
Send me a goddess
Send me the rain
To wash away the pain
To wash away the stain
On my heart and brain
Extract the poison
she spilled in my veins
Lord knows I am going
Insane there's a female
Dragon I need it to be slain
She wasn't dumb
But she was numb
So to be her equal
I guzzled more rum
I said the sky was blue
She said the sky was green
I guess we seen different worlds
and dreams.
Send me a lover
Send me a goddess
Send me the rain
To wash away the pain
To wash away the stain
On my heart and brain
She wasn't crazy
She was confused
Randomly her body
Changed to different
hues from red to
black then black
to blues happy then
mad then back to blues
She lied then tried
to justify the lie
I listened sat back
and sighed then
She had the audacity to
say I had a negative vibe,
Send me a lover
Send me a goddess
Send me the rain
To wash away the pain
To wash away the stain
On my heart and brain
A brother like me needs peace like
mahatma Gandhi, Malcolm X ,or Martin
Luther king , I am not asking to be treated
like a prince or a king,I am not asking you
to understand everything ,but at least something.
Your a chameleon
a comedian you make me laugh
Thank god when I went to buy
that diamond ring I lost my cash.
Categories:
guzzled, art, me, heart, heart,
Form:
Free verse
It was the "Old West" and the town dusty
When in on his horse came a galloper named Rusty.
He ran into the saloon and shouted aloud
"Big Red's a Comin'" ... which stunned the crowd.
They started to disappear as quick as they could
Big Red's reputation dictated they should.
So out the windows and out the doors
Like an open floodgate the men just poured.
The only one left was the fella who tended the bar
Too scared to move, he just stood thar.
Then, very slowly a huge figure came ridin' up the street
Ridin' a Buffalo, big boots and spurs on his feet.
He looked like a meanun' Big Six Guns at his side
He didn't use a saddle, to ride that Buffalo Hide.
He wore a sombrero to shade his eyes
The black scruff of a beard fit his face and his size.
He had bandoliers of bullets crossed o'er both shoulders
And he looked like with one hand he could move boulders.
He busted the doors off their hinges as he strode in
Walked up to the bar, where the barkeep wasn't movin'.
"Gimme a Whisky", he barked in his way
The barkeep couldn't move, or even a word did he say.
"I SAID GIMME A WHISKY" again came the bellow
As he grabbed the barkeep, a right dainty fellow.
Off the walls he bounced him and off the ceiling too
Then threw him back behind the bar for his work to get to.
The barkeep put up a bottle which he grasped in his paw
Broke the neck on the bar and guzzled its contents as the barkeep watched in awe.
He didn't stop drinkin' 'till the bottle was empty with whisky not a trace
Put his sleeve up to his mouth and wiped the drops off his face.
He belched once or twice as he looked around
Then turned to the barkeep when he heard the sound.
"D..d..do Y..y..you want a..another" asked the barkeep's frail voice
The Big Man looked at him as if there were no choice.
"No...I gotta be goin'", he said in dismay
"I heard that 'BIG RED' was headin' this way"!
Categories:
guzzled, cowboy-western, funny, imagination
Form:
Couplet
Taxicab driver
Midnight rates apply;
Moonlight serenade
Tipsy bar crashers
Stepping out;
Cigarette break
Alcohol buffet
Free flow of beer;
Sorrows guzzled
Chit-chat combat
Happy hour banter;
Bartering progress
Too much stress
Nobody seems to know;
Things will be better
Complaints collide
Bar time gripes;
Bad bossy boss
Pain in the neck
Grumpy buffalo;
Home on the range
End of day
Work retreats;
Until tomorrow cheers
Profound exchange
Gin and tonic;
Alcoholic beverage
More and more
Of less and less;
Vodka and coke
Watering hole
Midnight Saturday;
Party till the last drop
Drop dead gorgeous
After six smoothies;
Tipsy compliance
Leon Enriquez
08 June 2014
Singapore
Categories:
guzzled, people,
Form:
Haiku
I know of a witch, with a wart on her nose
Day after day, we have watched how it grows!
It is thought of by some
That it might weigh a ton!!
How big could it get?? ...Well, nobody knows!!
It itched, and she scratched it, then rubbed it with lotion
Then guzzled two portions of wicked witch potion
She chanted a curse
Which made it much worse!!
Her nose might explode...it drips like an ocean!
Halloween came, so she saddled her broom
Climbed on the broom, but her take-off was doomed...
The wart was too heavy!!
So she got in her Chevy!
Now she drives down the road, by the light of the moon
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Categories:
guzzled, funny,
Form:
Limerick
Your image, I still see when I gaze at the clouds,
Your voice, I still hear when the wind blows,
I see your petite hand prints on foggy windows.
I still see your love flaming when I turn on the stove,
The memories are much to eat,
Your still in the reflection of my bath water,
smiling at me waving in the wave,still against
my skin, your wet touch enveloping me.
This still bothers me, so I drain all the water from the tub ,
and stand but I still drown, your still hitting my head,
shooting from the shower head, I ran out the shower,
I slipped and hit my head,crawled to the bed, and
laid in the form of your arms ,legs and head,
you left an impression in my bed.
I rolled over to the side were I always
held you from,I couldn't bare to sink in your
shape I had to escape. Running to the kitchen for
a beer or two, with a beer in one hand and the other
against the kitchen counter, not knowing what
I need to do, knowing what I want to do,forget about
you. My inner voices says I won't let you, why? because
she is apart of you. I guzzled the other beer and dialed
her number with fear, she picked up and I said honey
I need you here, she giggles and says it sounds like
you been drinking over there,was it the beer that I
left over there? I said Yes along with all the other traps
you left here. She asked what traps?
I say, never mind that and come home,
my image is incomplete. Come home.
Categories:
guzzled, life,
Form:
Free verse
Wearing thick glasses
and braces on her buck teeth,
Professor Harriet carried
her pile of books while accidentally
stepping into the wet cement,
going into her lab to go wash up,
afterwards she decided to work
on a different kind of experiment,
tired of feeling nutty, mousey,
klutzy and insecure,
she whipped up a concoction
that would surely help her to score,
having a mad crush on one of
the other professors who also
like her had a very high I.Q.,
she wanted a relationship
that was more than "how
do you do?"
taking the lab beakers and
mixing her ingredients,
she guzzled down the
fizzing liquid speedily,
feeling at once more
attractive and confident,
this time when outside she
stepped around the wet cement,
going into the professor's break
room for a bite to eat,
she saw Professor Jerry
and sat beside him in
an empty seat,
batting her eyes and smiling
all the while,
Professor Jerry asked if something
was wrong with her eye,
Harriet nodded no and shook her
hair out of her bun,
swirling her long mane all around
and getting hair in all hers and
Prof. Jerry's open stunned mouth,
she apologized and asked Jerry out,
Jerry blushed, got up, tripped
and fell down,
saying shyly with his buck
teeth, "I guess so, why not!"
Harriet said how about after school,
he fumbled for his composure
and finally said, "alright!"
So a couple of hours later
Professor Harriet got ready
for her first date at age 38,
still feeling attractive and
confident at any rate,
all at once hearing her
door bell ring on time,
making sure she had an
extra dose for her date
of love potion number 9...
6 months later they
got married and settled
in the suburbs,
where today they live with
their 3 little kids who like them
wear thick glasses and
are all nutty brainiacs!
Categories:
guzzled, crush, science, smart,
Form:
Light Verse
I was playing footsie with Carrie
Really I was not in hurry
Carrie lost her temper
Put me on a damper
Guzzled beer smeared my face with curry
Categories:
guzzled, fun,
Form:
Limerick
Drinking
Remember the evening before the open mic
When we went to that pizza place in the Village
And bought two beers
Wrapped in brown paper bags?
We guzzled as we
Walked city streets
Carrying our precious guitars,
Giggling like misbehaving schoolgirls
And how about that Passover
When I came to visit
And all you had in the house was Manishewitz wine?
The sweetest, most vile concoction!
Still, we drank and laughed
As though it were the finest Bordeaux
You were a Merlot Ho
I was a White Zinfandel aficionado
We enjoyed our bottles
While eating the birthday dinner
You'd made in my honor
Complete with chocolate cake
You read to me from your journal
About your trip to Nepal
Later, we watched Absolutely Fabulous
And I loved hearing you laugh
Whenever drunken Patsy keeled over
Now that you live in Atlanta
I have no more than a couple of beers a year
And a glass of wine is reserved
For special occasions
But whenever you were near
I would drink you in
And you always made me giddy
Categories:
guzzled, friendshipme,
Form:
Free verse
There once was a lass in decline
who daily drank much too much wine
she rosed* up her lips
and plumped up her hips
but never got any of mine!
Yes, my bottle it remained corked
not guzzled by broads from New York
oh, pink, white or red
I’d hoard them instead
perhaps I let lose for the stork?
Men if you’d sip from my bottle...
into bed, do rush, don’t dawdle
drink from my navel
if you are able
perform with game hold the throttle.
* I know [rosed] is not a word ;) I'm being funny so I'm using my poetic license!
**ed's do not make a syllable ;)
Categories:
guzzled, funny, love
Form:
Limerick
When Johnny guzzled three ice-cold beers
There dawned on him a feeling of fear
He fled, but he couldn't hide
Crossed a river a mile wide
Burned out his motor ~ all in first gear
Categories:
guzzled, boat, drink, fate, fear,
Form:
Limerick
Daddy the alcoholic,
every single day,
full and countless glasses,
guzzled down,
help him please, and bring my daddy back to me.
Categories:
guzzled, childhood, confusion, father, life,
Form:
ABC