Best Get Rid Of Poems
(This poem is not directed at innocent spouses)
Chlamydia
Chlamydia, Chlamydia,
How do we get rid of ya.?
Take up painting,
Stay at home.
Learn to play the saxophone.
Raise Chihuahuas.
Learn cabinetry.
Take ballet lessons,
Make furniture for the family.
Write a novel,
Even if it stinks,
Don’t drown yourself in alcoholic drinks.
Write a poem
Raise a horse.
Cleaning up the stable,
Will keep you on course.
Stop feeling sorry,
For yourself,
Chlamydia feeds
On the dissatisfied elf..
Take up philoso-phy,
Learning to think
Helps keep your mind free.
Don’t become a societal leach,
Look at the ocean.
Go and lay down on the beach.
Enjoy the essence of your town,
The people, the smells, and the sounds.
Notice things you never noticed before.
(That will keep you off the floor.)
Get a cat or a dog,
It will even be good if you tended a frog.
Make it not always, “me, me,me”
Build a playhouse in a tree
Do good for the helpless,
Young and elder-ly.
Social disease is for people who have no good aims.,
And play too many selfish games.
Most of all,
Go pray in Church.
The Creator will never,
Leave you in the lurch.
You cant get rid of your shadow
Its always there on the wall
The movement of sunlight makes it flow
It dances whenever you call
It rises forever in the daybreak
Gripping every corners edge
Sets in the sundown of its wake
Finding us in every slope and ledge
We always look behind us
To catch a glimpse of its cover
But when we cant see there is no fuss
For in our hearts we know it will always hover
Here I lie in Ramona,
sick with the virus Corona.
I feel like hell
and cannot smell,
but glad I don't have pneumonia.
In five days' time, I finally felt fine:
Free from the virus Corona.
Then again it hit,
now I'm sick as Schmidt,
as I lie in bed in Ramona.
To Get Rid of Something
I was listening to the bug exterminator
Commercial. This Horn Haiku came to
mind.
Can exterminate;
Completely eradicate,
And eliminate.
When you want to get rid of something,
this is what you have to end up doing.
After all of this has happened, the problem
is no longer there.
Jim Horn
Somethings are listed as a bargain
they make it sound so fine
"You can buy this for under thirty bucks"!
Whats the price? $29.99.
Wow, that's a whole penny
there's no way you can lose.
with the money you'll be saving
how could you refuse?
The current price of Gasoline
is $2.68 and nine-tenths
why not make it $2.69
wouldn't that make more sense?
The extra one-tenth of a cent
I'm sure glad I don't have to pay
it would be such a financial burden
more than I can say.
I'ld probably need a second job
which wouldn't be too great
they could relieve a lot of pressure
if the price was just $2.68.
I don't want to seem facetious
lets call a spade-a-spade
lets make the penny obsolete
then we'ld have it made.
There would be no more prices
that end in 99
they'ld likely go to the nearest buck
which is what I had in mind.
But none of that will happen
that I know for sure
that 99 is here to stay
we'll just continue to endure!
i see your anger
from the cold-hearted ego basher
but you can't get rid of me
i see your suspicion
from the unexpected action
but you can't get rid of me
i see your wonder
from everything under cover
but you can't get rid of me
i see your hope
from the new ways to cope
but you can't get rid of me
i see your thankfulness
from the moment that left you breathless
but you can't get rid of me
i see your regret
from the moment you will never forget
but you still won't get rid of me
Vivian, my eighty-years-seasoned neighbor, called Vi, is a mystery only to those who did not return her first cheerful “hi”.
She is an open-book person, ready to love and accept everyone. I met Vi the first day I was out in my yard building a rock garden, two days after moving in. She came roaring down my driveway in an older model of a car, something gray, with long seats. She stopped about a foot from me and got out. I turned and smiled, and so did she.
She was here to offer her son’s tractor services to me for free, tried to talk me into letting him come over here and mow down the trees and bushes that traveled along our mutual wire fence line from the road to the back forty. She called it a “mess”.
We love it like that, I told her. My husband in particular loved it because he is a natural guy, who enjoys sitting on the porch in his boxer shorts on a summer night, catching the breeze, without any gawkers.
But I kept that quiet.
She told me a funny story about catching her husband and his newest girlfriend at a motel. She waited until he paid, and they were walking to their room. Then she fell into step beside him and said “What are you doing, Eddie?” The girlfriend must have known who I was, she said, because she screamed and ran off.
I spent a lovely forty minutes or so politely laughing my head off at Vi’s funny stories. Then she asked again if they could mow the mess away. Which would have given them a clear view to our yard if they had a telescope, and I figured they did. In spite of her terrifically funny stories, I stood my ground.
God Get Rid of Trump
Made Trump president and it did madden;
Then seemed so silent and would sadden;
Perturb,
And disturb;
Should get rid of Trump and us gladden.
Jim Horn
Are We Trying To Get Rid Of God?
Why is our country trying to remove
God from “everything?”
Do we think about the consequences this will bring?
Our early fathers looked to him for a “moral direction.”
But now we’re burdened down
with “political correction.”
When our country’s leaders signed the constitution…
They had no idea this paper would cause so much “confusion.”
As many judges have torn any “moral fabric” all apart…
It’s like they’ve placed a knife into this country’s heart!
Remove God from our buildings and our schools…
“Anything goes” by man’s interpretations and rules!
Take away the ten commandments from our land.
We are quickly drifting into a “spiritual quicksand.”
What are people looking for in this
life they’ve been given?
No wonder so many are “mixed up”
in the way they’re livin’!
Once the Bible is removed as this country’s moral guide…
We’ve since gone down a very steep “slippery slide!”
I’m here to tell you that God is our only answer and hope!
He’s the answer to the many on drugs and dope!
He’s the answer to every problem that “ails you.”
He is God! He is powerful and will never fail you!
He’s the one we must look to in a hopeless situation.
He’s the answer to every person in this great nation!
By Jim Pemberton
A bumpy toad jumped on my nose and refused to get off.
I tried to gross him out, much phlegm I garnered in a cough.
He was determined and held on tightly with his webbed toes.
I was irritated because after all, it is my own private nose.
Come help me! I yelled to a bat in the belfry below.
He came up and bit the toad on his middle little toe.
The toad bit him back, actually sliced off his head with his teeth.
I was really grossed out when I saw what was underneath.
Brawling backrooms
swirling in smoke
Bloody negotiations
served up smart folks
Like Ike, JFK and
Harry S. Truman
No Hillaries or Bidens
~ or other clueless humans
In our midst is a vulture
With her piercing eyes
Looking at us
The immediate prey
On this side of the cape;
A vulture comes
Enforcing her commotions on men
At dawn a new day is born
With limbs of new commotions;
A vulture is pampered as a pet-bird
By many whose hearts have odour within
Yet many mourn their human song
“Get rid of a vulture from men
On this side of the cape.”
Money, has created the wealthy
and many, who are unhealthy
Money, has given us disease
with a bacterium, of too many humans
Money, has created the wars
which has made, many sores
Money, has made many do crime
to relieve stress, by having a dime
Money, is not there for many
to have, a good quality life
Money, has been abusing our granite
which can only, destroy our planet
Money, has taken away equality
with no chance, of becoming equal
Money, has taken away respect
to care and be fare, for all life
Money, is destroying our creatures
by bulldozing, Mother Nature
Money, has given us leaders
who greed, for their own need
Money, has created those who are evil
who use and abuse, just like the devil
lizard the balloon animal showed up on a Monday
Refused to go to church the very next Sunday
Had his own way, and stared at me with buggy eyes
I was a bit afraid of him, he drew bees, wasps and flies
who created you? I asked, but he made not a peep
I figured it was my imagination, when I was deep in sleep
how do I get rid of him? I asked my neighbor Mrs. Hop
Just take a pin, she told me. “you will hear a little pop.”
Daisy chain
Dandelion fun.
Smell stems.
But gorgeous flowers.
Weeds?
No way!
The prettiest offerings
In the yard.
I throw out my hands.
Crazy that anyone
Would want to
Get rid of them!
What?
Are you nuts?
What will you try to get rid of next?
Imagination?
Faeries?
Pixie dust?
Rainbows?
Unicorns?
No way I say.
These are not weeds.
They are God’s sunniest flowers!